This is a unique case here.

This Live RP is the first of three parts - but the second and third part take place during the Interim mission between the first and second season, which only had three weeks of roleplay time. Since this was done well before roleplaying started, it goes in the Typical Tavern section. Parts II and III were done during the official roleplay period, so they are a part of the mission itself and can be found there.

Just some good south of the border humor here, along with some action to keep things interesting!

(Dash's prologue: I've edited up another Live RP! This one takes place sometime after the Finale, although part I was written before the Finale was finished. We’re planning to continue it although I don’t believe there’s a set amount of Live RP’s we’re aiming for here.)

 
(Konall's notes: This takes place after the finale; due to a chronological anomaly, no one's exactly sure how that all came out, but we are certain we'll remember in a bit. Note to self, remember which punctuation you're supposed to end with nimrod.)

 
<Aleena, you are meeting with Konall. Fumblies will stumble upon the two soon.>

<Aleena, you are outside Seaside Town.>

<Konall stands under the oak tree where you agreed to meet.>

Spaz: “Hey, I think I see her."

<Konall pulls out a bundle from his pack.>

<Konall had previously to this talked about a vacation after the battle.>

<Aleena was trying to be stealthy and hide in the tree, but her outfit and bright daylight defeated her purpose. Dropping down from the branches, she falls to a crouch.> "Can't hide from you guys, I guess."

Konall: “Spaz has good eyes."

Spaz: “And a good nose. You smell like nutmeg. I wonder why they call it nutmeg."

Konall: “Anyway, some of us are going on a vacation. We're gonna head to the land called South of the Border."

Konall: “Need a break after the zombie war."

Konall: “You interested?"

Aleena: “Sure."

Konall: “Also, I made you something. Some armor, if you want to fit in."

Aleena: “I'm curious as to what a Fumblie is, after all."

Aleena: “Really? You didn't have to."

<Konall holds up a set of female "armor." It's a chainmail bikini top and chainmail loincloth. There's fur on the back, to keep it from pinching sensitive areas.>

Konall: “It seemed like you needed something that blended in to this world."

(The others can come in now.)

<Aleena's jaw drops.> "Uhm."

Konall: “What?"

Annoying familiar voice: "Becky Time! Don't touch this!"

Spaz: “It's more protective than it looks."

<Konall hefts his sword.>

Konall: “Please tell me you're not looking for a fight. My hacking arm has all these knots in it."

<Becky joy dances like she is walking backwards into view, dressed in baggy seal skin shorts and a matching top. She barely seems to notice the KOKOL'ers.>

Konall: “Aleena, this is Becky. Becky, Aleena."

<Fumblies walks up as Konall hands the gift over and just smirks slightly.>

Sir Fumblies: “Well how sweet is that the big Viking has a crush." <As he hears Becky's voice, he shakes his head and waits to see just what havoc she would be causing.>

<Aleena bites her lip> "You're not having me on? I'll have to hurt you if this is a joke."

Konall: “No, that's what all the female warriors are wearing."

Becky: "Oohhh, I'm Becky, and I like your armor, Aleena! I used to be your buddy, now we're enemies!"

Spaz: “It's true. The armor's designed to draw the opponent's focus to it so he can't hit anywhere else. It allows you to concentrate all your armor in one spot, so you maintaign lightness and flexibility without sacrificng protection."

(Gnomish accent?)

Spaz: “And it looks cool."

Konall: “And this is Fumblies, commander of the royal order of goblin blunderheads, third division."

<Becky just strikes a pose and points into the skies.>

Konall: “I hate to say it, but can we just set aside our differences today and not try to kill each other. I've been doing it so much it's stopped being fun."

<Kadlin walks up.>

Kadlin: “I'm fine with that."

<Becky's jaw drops.> "Why would you fight us?! We're almost buddies!"

<Aleena tries on Konall's... 'armor'. Her black suit recedes, leaving only bare legs, bare arms, and so very little covered!>

<Sir Fumblies just shakes his head at Becky's comment as he stands off to the side in his brightly colored and slight charred mages robes.>

Fumblies: “Zombie slaying does take the fun on killing things."

<Kadlin punches Aleena in the breast. Aleena doesn't even feel the blow.>

Kadlin: “Impressive work Konall. That'll suit you well Aleena."

<Aleena gasps and blushes. And punches back. HARD.>

<Sebastian Dash walks up, too.> "Is that Viking foreplay?”

Aleena: “I'm so embarrassed."

Kadlin: “What Konall did? No. What I did could be considered foreplay, but I was just checking out the armor."

<Kadlin is covered from the neck down in a tight-fitting leather catsuit. She walks on a pair of high heels. A wide-brimmed witches hat covers her entire face from view, and gloves cover her hands. She's still sexy even though not an inch of skin is visible.>

Fumblies: "Probably though Orcs like it a bit rough too so who knows?" <Fumblies chuckles slightly as he himself happened to be a half-orc so knew a bit about the culture.> Fumbles: "But it does look to be good armor."

<Dash meanwhile has on a light red and light blue version of his trademark outfit.>

Kadlin: “It's a nice suit for a warrior. Practical without getting the 'battle hooker' look. You'd be amazed how much protection a couple of nipple caps and a g-string can offer."

<Konall's wearing a set of light armor, loose to let out the heat.>

<And that's the AIL Fashion Minute!>

Aleena: “I don't want to imagine that."

Konall: “We were heading to South of the Border. What about you?"

Becky: "What we doin, Fumblies? We goin South, too?!"

(Kadlin's suit is enchanted to keep the light from affecting her. It fits her as a dark mage.)

<Becky gets excited and lets out a chill around her.>

Konall: “Ahh... Reminds me of home."

<Kadlin is carrying a wicked looking sword attached to a pole.>

Dash: "Come to think of it, I'm surprised you picked such a warm vacation spot, Konall."

<Fumblies merely smirks as he listens to where Konall and the others are going.>

Fumblies: “That is up to you Becky, but I have a few things I need to take care of before I head anywhere."

Konall: “It has a unique and varied culture."

<Becky frowns.> "You want me to stay with you, Fumblies?!"

Spaz: “And women of negotiable affection."

Konall: “That too."

<Dash thinks it over.> "Hm.. I only approve of this type of activity because I'm currently single."

<Aleena uses her nanites to make her a pair of sandals. At least to keep her soft, non-calloused feet from getting cut by the rocks.>

Konall: “I'd approve of it more if I was drunk. Let's get going."

Aleena: “Thank you Konall. It's... not as bad as I thought."

<Konall gets on his meatcycle and motions for Aleena to hop on back.>

<Becky waves to the heroes.>

<Aleena climbs up behind Konall and wraps her arms around him.>

<Dash gives a sharp whistle; his horse soon joins the crew.>

<The meatcycle is kind of a Harley setup.>

Fumblies: “No need Becky I have all the help I need; besides I have already been briefed on what needs doing." <Fumblies smiles as he takes a moment to think about how a trip South would affect his task.>

Becky: "Are ya sure?! I don't mind going with ya, Fumblies!"

(If you're talking about the Goblin King, that's not an issue any longer.)

(I'd assume he means a whole new secret mission personally.)

<Becky shrugs and hops up on the horse behind Dash then hands on tight to him and squeals.> "I'll go with you guys, if you promise not to kill me or nothin!"

Konall: “Like I said, I'm kind of killed out right now."

Konall: “I remember hacking off my bajilionth head for the day yesterday and I thought, 'Wait, what if there's more to life than fighting?' What if actually creating something does more good than all the destruction of a thousand armies."

Konall: “Obviously that's the kind of insanity that comes from overworking yourself, so I'm taking a break."

<As the group prepares to leave Fumblies nods slightly in amusement as the task he had been given was something that was best handled alone. He had been hassled by ninjas long enough.>

Fumblies: "I will try to join you all down South but for now I have so personal business to tend to."

Becky: "Oh! You should create things! Okay.. goodbye Fumblies!"

Konall: “Good riddan- I mean bye."

Aleena: “Oh Fumblies, I hardly fumbled with you."

Konall: “I made a nice pile of bodies back in Seaside. Could make a good sledding hill for the kids this winter."

<Becky blushes at Aleena's comment!>

Konall: “Fumbling with Fumblies would be dropping the ball, miss. You don't want to tangle with him."

<Aleena has been waiting for a long time to tell that bad joke.>

(And Konall matched it with a bad one of his own.)

<Aleena giggles.>

Fumblies: "Konall if I remember correctly, I saved you hide from those zombies."

<Fumblies turns to Aleena.>

Fumbles: "Well there is always next time and you know how to find me."

Aleena: “Until next time."

<Konall rides off after making a gesture at Fumblies indicating the man should do something uncomfortable with a tribe of yetis.>

Becky: "I don't know how I know what his hand gesture meant, y'kno?!"

<Kadlin rides right behind Konall, on a black unicorn.>

Becky: "Doesn't black absorb heat?!"

<Dash follows on his horse.>

Kadlin: “Yeah, it does. Keeps the sun from touching me."

<You ride for a few hours. Konall has to stop once to kill something so he can refill his grease tank.>

(We're holding of on violence for a bit.)

Dash: "Surprisingly uneventful so far."

<Dash is attacked by a squirrelbeast. It's six inches of unimaginable terror.>

Becky: "Quick, how do I tame it as a familiar?!"

Dash: "Much better. Konall, may I or would you like the honors?"

Spaz: “Become a turtle tamer."

Konall: “I'm on vacation. You do it."

Becky: "I'm 40% Turtle tamer!"

<Dash sighs.> "Fine.. you get one chance to tame it or I'm killing it."

Aleena: “It's a squirrel."

Dash: "It's a beast of great evil, Aleena. Who knows what it's carrying in those cheek pockets?!"

Aleena: “Nuts?"

Konall: “Good chops on that thing. Decent ribs. But it's the filet squirrelion that's the best. It's only pea-sized, but it's delicious."

Squirrelbast: "I'm standing right here! There's no reason to talk like I'm not here!"

<The beast leaps at Becky.>

<Becky screams and tries to duck!>

<She gets out of the way in time.>

Squirrelbeast: "No body makes a fool out of me!"

<Spaz plays a song of monster-slaying.>

<Becky makes a ball of ice and throws it at the squirrelbeast.> "Squirrelchu, I choose you!"

<The squirrel is frozen inside the ball. It rocks quickly, then slowly, then stops.>

<Becky successfully captures it.>

Aleena: "It's a talking squirrel! Or was. Poor thing."

Konall: “All right let's go. If we stop to fight every talking animal between here and our vacation, it'll take weeks, and I'll have more mittens than I know what to do with."

Dash: "Um.. won't it freeze to death in there?"

Konall: “I've seen something frozen in magic ice for years. No worse the wear after being thawed. Well, he never got rid of that tic, and he screamed every time he saw a refrigerator."

<Becky sings tick tock tick tock for several minutes as they ride.>

<You pass through mountain, desert, forest, more desert, dessert, and finally a big desert. Finally, after a half day's journey you come to “South of the Border.">

Konall: “We're here. First round's on me."

<Konall drives up to a saloon and hitches his motorcycle to a post.>

Becky: <Tick tock like a clock.> "Can I stop singing now?!"

Kadlin: “Please."

<A small child approaches Aleena.>

Becky: "Good my throat hurts!"

Child: "¿Quieres chicle?"

<Aleena runs her fingers through her hair and looks at the small child.>

<He holds out some packets of gum.>

"Cinco pesetas para este."

Aleena: "Me no hablo whatever you just said."

Kid: "¿Chicle?"

Spaz: “Think he wants to sell you some gum."

Aleena: "I really don't want any."

<The kid walks away.>

Aleena: "I didn't like the cut of that kid's moxie anyway."

Dash: "She picks up fast on the local customs."

Konall: “Yeah. I bought some pickle-flavored. Had anklebiters following me around for a week."

<Dash shakes his head.> "When will we ever learn?"

(Aleena's suit is beginning to pick up on Espanish, the language spoken here. It’s a type of borderspeak!)

Konall: "Too soon."

<Aleena doesn't have any currency anyway.>

Dash: "My borderspeak is very rusty."

(That's right, it's borderspeak. I coined Espanish, but I should have said borderspeak. ¡Retcon!)

(We can use both as separate dialects.)

Aleena: "That, I might be able to help with. I can learn languages pretty quickly."

Konall: “Good. I can teach you one word I know well: tequila."

<Konall goes to the bar and orders cuatro tequilas and dos vedanas.>

Dash: "Wish I could say the same thing. Borderspeak, Espanish, Ancient Adrulian.. it's a big jumble to me anymore."

<Dash shakes his head sadly. Becky dances by the group.>

Aleena: "You're absolutely random, Becky."

<Becky hands Aleena a small ice glass.> "Thanks, you're cool too!"

<Konall hands a tequila to Aleena, Dash, and Kadlin. Spaz and Becky get the non-alcoholic vedanas.">

Becky: "I can't get drunk yet?!"

Kadlin: “Last time you got drunk it took us a month to defrost the town."

Becky: "Slightly less."

<Dash holds his drink, then drinks a third of it in a single gulp.>

<Spaz drinks his sugary drink down quickly then flies around talking to everyone in the bar one by one. The fact that he doesn't speak the language doesn't stop him.>

<Aleena tries the drink. It burns going down, making her hiccup.>

Konall: “Hey, Aleena, you're still short on money, right?"

<Becky giggles watching Spaz fly around.> "Ahh, I'm drunk!"

<Konall tosses her a sack of meat.>

Konall: “What good's a vacation without a little spending money."

Kadlin: “Becky, I suspect you're naturally drunk."

<Becky giggles.>

Aleena: "Eep! Thank you. You're so generous, Konall!"

<A man in a suspicious trenchcoat approaches Aleena.>

(Aleena would like to see if she can chat up locals, starting with this suspicious man, I suppose!)

<Becky does a double take> "Konall's gorgeous?!"

Mr. Suspicious: “Senorita, you seem like you a warrior wanting a good time. I have some goofballs if you want to have fun and be strong fighter."

Suspicious: “The first sample is free for pretty woman."

Becky: "Don't do it! Start breakdancing and he'll leave you alone!"

Aleena: "What's a goofball?"

Suspicious: “Is pills. How you say, 'combat enhancers.'"

Suspicious: "They're from all natural herbs."

Aleena: "And what're the side effects?"

Suspicious: “¿Que? Side effects. There are no side effects. Unless being stronger, faster, and more charming are side effects."

Suspicious: “Some people say that after quitting them they miss the feel, but it is nothing."

<Dash walks up with a dark look in his eyes.> "Now, tell her about the crash, amigo."

Suspicious: “Crash? There is a crash? I know of no crash. I am a reputable dealer."

<Dash unsheathes his longsword, then lets it slip back in to its hold.> "Sorry, say again? I didn't quite catch that."

Suspicious: “Well, I have heard of *some* people having cravings, hangovers, weakness, hallucinations, explosive diarhea, paranoia, excessive sweating, transforming into elephants, and in some cases death."

Suspicious: “I see you are not interested. ¿I will find other customers, yes?"

Becky: "Don't forget painful cramps!"

Aleena: "You do that."

Spaz: “And loss of underwear."

<Dash grabbed his arm roughly.> "Supply. Now."

(Why does Spanish use ¿ ?)

(Cause if they didn't who would?!)

<The man hands over a couple dozen bottles of pills.>

<He runs off.>

Aleena: "You got quite a bit of his stuff. What do you intend to do with it?"

Suspicious and Terrified: "Mis amigos va a oir de este."

Dash: "Kadlin, mind vaporizing it?"

<Aleena tries to translate and adds something about kicking their ass if they try anything.>

Konall: “Dash, you've been here before, what should we do next, besides more tequila?"

Dash: "Vale! Correcto este tiempo, por favor!"

<Dash shrugs.> "I wasn't around these parts long. There's a few novelty shops.>

Konall: “We could hit a donk-"

<Kadlin punches him.>

((Bueno, aseguerse de que obtener la descripcion bien esta vez!))

<...in the face.>

<Becky giggles.> "Kadlin already hit a donkey in the face though!"

<Dash thinks it over> "We could fight petty street crime. That's a good way to kill a couple months."

Spaz: “They've got low-cost drugs here."

Konall: “I suppose."

<Becky orders more water.> "This water's got real flavor to it!"

<Kadlin facepalms.>

Kadlin: “We can at least listen to some mariachi music."

Dash: "Catch a raging bull wrestling show?"

Spaz: “But up all the gum in the city!"

..........

Spaz: “We could even buy it."

Becky: "Freeze old people?!"

Aleena: "Some of those sound fun."

Becky: "You like freezing old people, too?!"

Aleena: "No."

<Just then, a rich looking young Pokeeltrainer walks in.>

(It'd probably be TOO silly for Becky to be carrying her Knob Goblins around in iceballs huh..)

(Yes.)

<He struts right up and looks Konall in the eyes, then looks away, growling.>

Konall: “Got a problem?"

<The young man turns to eye him up and down.> "U kheeled my brother, war!>

Konall: “I've killed a lot of people. What did he look like?"

<The young trainer rolled his eyes.> "OMG WTF U mean?!"

<Aleena moves to Konall's side. She figures Konall probably wouldn't kill anyone who didn't need killing, but she also realizes that her bikini doesn't make her look the most intimidating kind of person either.>

Konall: “I don't speak 1337. Give me a description, and I can figure out if he deserved it or not."

Konall: “Did he have any distinguishing marks? Tendency to scream like a little girl?"

Trainer: "K noob. lolz I speak ur language. His appearance is generally unimportant in this specific scenario. What's important is now that we're at truce, there is only one way to restore my family honor, and that's through the honorable ritual of forced pet monster combat! Incidentally, it’s Perteneese I was speaking!"

Konall: “Spaz, you up for this, or are you chicken?"

Trainer: "i challenge u dbl btl!"

Aleena: "Konall, can I volunteer?"

Trainer: "No, petmasters only!"

Konall: “Becky, we're going to need the squirrel."

Becky: "But I need it back when you're done.. I gave it a berry!"

Konall: “Aleena, why don't you take over for me. Spaz will be doing most of the work. I'm gonna get a tequila."

Aleena: "Would it work if I called myself a pet and Konall was the master?"

Trainer: "Lawlz, no!"

Konall: “I'm fine with it. Forward, I like that."

Aleena: "Well, why not?"

Trainer: "Read book, noob!"

Konall: “We'll do the pet/master thing later."

Aleena: "What book?"

<The trainer throws her something called a "Pokedex." It's written in ancient symbols.>

<But it's a Pokeeldex which is totally different.>

Trainer: “Pikachutlotal, Squirtlcthulli I choose you."

Aleena: "I think you're in the wrong line of work. You should fight using children's card games."

Trainer: “Nah, too childish. Besides, that prancy boy always won. Call your noob monsters."

Aleena: "I choose an Aleena."

Spaz: “Aleena, the rule say you have to tell me how to act. I can breathe a bit of fire and play songs."

Konall: “Just use the demon, Aleena."

<Becky pushes her ice ball into Aleena's hands.> "Mine too I want exp!"

<Konall starts drinking.>

<Dash drinks to that!>

Aleena: "Spaz, blow fire at them."

Trainer: "Not at me, that's not legal!"

<Aleena throws the ice ball at the trainer. Hits him in the head!>

Trainer: "Knok it of, noob!"

<Spaz swoops the two Pokeel but misses.>

Aleena: "STFU or GTFO."

<The jukebox starts up.>

Trainer: "You speak Pertene lng?! A/S/L?!"

<Trainer sounds pathetic.>

(How retro!)

(I'm assuming the battle is started and waiting on Becky, though talking is a free action.)

Aleena: "Ur mom / pwning u / right here."

<Becky throws her ice ball. It breaks and a Brainsweeper comes out.>

(Aleena has the squirrel and Spaz)

(Aleena wanted to bean the trainer on the head with the squirrel and have Spaz thaw the squirrel out.>

Becky: "That was not a haiku / A haiku goes just like this! Hyperactive me!"

<Yeah, I'm going to have to retcon that in.>

Trainer: "WTF?!"

Aleena: "PWNED!"

<The ice ball hitting the trainer in the head.>

Trainer: "What means, pwned?!"

Trainer: "Pikachutlotal, lightninglotal attack!"

<Jukebox skips to next song! But that’s not suggested for children or sane people, so maybe this song.>

<Pikachutlotal shuffles its feet on the carpet and touches the squirrel. It gets a mild shock and seems paralyzed temporarily.>

WTFtastic!

Becky: "Brainsweeper, broom attack!"

<The sweeper charges toward Pikachutlotal and hits it with the broom, but it misses.>

<Aleena uses Molest on the trainer.>

Trainer: "Hey no glitch moves!"

(And the trainer just turned 18 yesterday, in body if not in mind.)

Trainer: “Aaaaeeeiiiooo-ooh. Hey, you're a girl!"

Trainer: “Ooouuuandsometimesy."

Trainer: “Uh, Squirtlcthulli, um liquidate."

<The turtle takes Spaz's accordion and sells it for meat.>

Becky: "Hurray for capitalism!"

Becky: "Aleena, you should .. um.. do things! And make your pets hard to hit!"

Aleena: "Spaz, Disco Steal!"

<Spaz attacks Squirtlcthulli and steals the turtle's shell.>

<It was super effective!>

Trainer: “Pikachutlotal use rodent call."

<Pikachutlotal tries to get the squirrel to join its side, but fails.>

Becky: "My turn! Brainsweeper, bristle missile!"

<The broomsweeper fires a spray of broom shards that slam into the rat, for light damage. Then it sweeps up the pieces.>

<Becky claps hyperactively.> "It's not powerful but it's fast and has special defense!"

Trainer: “Squirtlcthulli, use hydro pump."

((Behold Woot the Eternal Sweeper!))

<The turtle opens a pipe and sprays at Spaz, but the demon dodges.>

Becky: "Kadlin, I want a white eye blue hair dragon, kay?!"

Kadlin: “Usually the other way is easier."

Becky: "Kay that's cool too!"

<Kadlin rolls her eyes.> "See what I can do."

Aleena: "Spaz, you're benched! Squirrel, you're up!"

<The squirrel comes out.>

Aleena: "Go for the eyes, Squirrel! Go for the eyes!!"

<The squirrel goes for Squirtlcthulli's eyes and pokes them. Critical hit! It's super effective. Squirtlcthulli faints.>

(Becky?)

Becky: "Brainsweeper, flying nimbus attack!"

<The brainsweeper flies up.>

Trainer: “Pikachutlotal, tail whip."

<Pikachutlotal tries to hit the brainsweeper with its tail but it misses.>

(Aleena, go!)

(Fly is a 2-part attack.)

(Is he flying down in a cloud?)

(Yeah.)

Aleena: "Squirrel! Team up!"

<The squirrelbeast and the brainsweeper hit the rat from both sides. It faints.>

Trainer: “Good battle." <He hands Aleena half his meat.> "Hey, could u show me that, uh, technique you used earlier?"

Konall: “Scram."

<Konall picks the twerp up with one hand and tosses him out of the building. And not through a door. Or a window.>

(AND THUS ENDS PART I, Pathetic Readers! Prepare for part II!)