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Finale Part 2: Battle in Knob Goblin Land
Mission:  Battle for Cobb's Knob
By Sebastian Dash

Original Finale

I recall Catrina being a pretty big help with this one, which is subtitled "Lots and lots of fights on the Plains."

That fits - it's a very action oriented piece. There's also a bit of getting in position, and I take the oppertunity to work more of the flashback subplot into this one. Beyond that, I did a fair bit of reviewing on the mission so far.. just in case someone had tuned into the Finale without reading through the whole mission.

I love writing action pieces. Granted, you still need the characterization and the story, and the humor to make something like this work. but I love the pure magic of writing an original, smart action scene. I'll leave it to you to judge for yourself as to how well I succeed in that area, but I will tell you this: I most likely enjoyed writing it!

Our main heroes are pretty much broken down into two teams at this point: Dash & Vixen, and Catrina & Feena. This is, I believe, the first time I've thrown such an Elite 7 heavy group of enemies at our heroes, so you can probably see how it's shaping up to be a somewhat unique Elite 7 story...


The present...

 

Due to their anthropomorphic natures, Catrina (the lioness) and especially Feena (of a bunny nature) would have crossed the nearby plains fairly quickly.. had it not been for the hordes and hordes of enemies present there who either had to be carefully avoided, or taken out, depending on which was the quicker option in any given situation.

Dead grass underfoot, and an ocean of scents to dig through, Catrina dispatched a creepy clown who'd wondered too far away from the former site of Clown Rock and had gotten a little too creepily familiar with Feena.

"Jerk," Feena called as he ran off after being decimated by Catrina. "Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you were working out, huh?"

Catrina smiled a feline smile. "That's an understatement, hun. It was certainly .. intense training."

"You'll have to tell me all about it, once things calm down," Feena answered, breaking into a sprint.

"Looking forward to it," Catrina answered, upping her pace. As fast as she could move, she still suspected even at full speed, Feena likely had to slow down to avoid outpacing her too much . . .

"There's a lot of enemies out here," Feena observed. "Wonder if I could pawn good mystical weapon off of one?"

"Maybe, but you might be better off sticking to your wand," Catrina suggested, content to follow Feena's lead.

"I like having a physical weapon, in case I need to get up close and personal," Feena explained. They quieted down for a couple minutes as Feena lead them around a group of ignorant looking Knob Goblins.

Catrina nodded as she kept pace with Feena, smiling inwardly to herself. "Though it looks like you're getting pretty good with that magic of yours. Are you sure it's only been a few days for you since we last talked?"

"I'm sure, but it felt like longer," Feena responded. Catrina could say the same, only more literally. While the rest of the world had only advanced a day or two, Catrina had literally spent months training under a mysterious benefactor, an elderly Muri-dan known to her only as Sliver. Under his care, her talents and fighting ability had grown immensely. Almost as importantly, she'd gained some insight into a Muri-dan's fighting style. It paid off in dividends during her reunion with Feena.

Between Catrina's new skills and Feena's ever improving magic, they'd taken out the three most powerful members of the Muri-dan. No small feat, considering they'd destroyed Catrina during her first encounter with them, months earlier to Catrina, days earlier to everyone else.

Sliver had, in fact, helped her recover from the beating she took at their hands, before training her. As Catrina trained for months, Feena had pressed the issue with the Knob Goblins.. with varying success. With the two united, however, they felt they could take on any threat that would dare pose itself to them.

It was only as they closed in on the outpost that they got an idea of the true chaos going on around it...


=-=-=-=-

KOL- 45 minutes after the very recent past featured in Finale part 1


"Yeah, baby!"

Back to the comical demonic duo, Rick the Slick Lich, and the Market Demon!

To set the stage, my dearest reader, the Market Demon's recently done the unthinkable and closed his store down. For a store that has normally been open for days, weeks, years and, some rumors say, decades without closing down a single minute, this's something of an occurrence.

Why?

He'd quite simply come across an object which, to a demon, could be considered neigh priceless. And no, stupid hippies, it's not the value of selfishness and love.

Instead, he'd managed to come across a simple plexiglass orb. He wasn't quite sure why, but it had taken on inert magical properties somewhere along the way. They'd have been untraceable, totally hidden from any perception of magic until such a point as it came into contact with a demon or such creatures.

Apparanetly, that hadn't happened in at least a hundred years, up til the point it came near the Market Demon. He hadn't known the irony of the situation.. how the orb had originally been 'put into play,' so to speak, by the magic hating Trapper, Konall Bearsmasher. The longstanding member of KOKOL had lost the plexiglass orb sometime ago, having dropped it into a crevice somewhere in the Nearby plains.. Sometime last year, he'd convinced a Knob Goblin that it was a powerful artifact.. the "Orb of the Sun." In actuality, the only power the orb had came in relation to one of the moons of the Demonworld, 668, as well as the Tides of Hades. Which Konall was unaware of.

It hadn't been long after Konall set his plan that the Penguin Mafia and Knob Goblins were both fighting over it, thanks to planted information from the Kingdom of KOL clan, who were actively spreading misinformation, as well as interfering with both side's attempts to obtain the "powerful 'Orb of the Sun'."

Unfortunately, the Orb came to be lost. Figuring the battle between the two had occupied both sides, KOKOL dismissed the plot as having run it's course.

Then, through circumstances not yet illustrated for us, the item came into the Market Demon's possession, which lead to the aforementioned closing of the Market.. He made his way here, soliciting the help of the so called world's slickest Lich, Slick Rick.

"So, give me your report, or else." The Market Demon's face betrayed no emotions. It never did.

"It went off as slick as baby, oil, ohhhh, yeah," Rick responded in his lichy slick voice. "A few hallucinations and a bad dream, and before you know it, the birthday party turns into a singin' fest, baby! And a lil incantation later, their singin' fest turns into a demon summoning. Ooh yea, that's slick!"

"Then we better make sure they lose their tools, or else.. " the Demon replied. "Or else, they'll simply use them to close the portal."

The Demon and Slick Lich nodded to each other. Still a little more demonic work to be done!


=-=-=-


The present.. again


"There's a lot of them," Feena noted. "And I've yet to find anything more useful than that wooden spork, though... Who in blazes eats with a wooden utensil?!"

Catrina watched the moving masses below her... Knob Goblins.. bats.. rats.. Muri-dan.. all in pretty large qualities. In addition, some of the random creatures of the Nearby Plains looked rather eager to join the fight, although not many of them.

"That's our outpost," Catrina declared. As they came upon the last great rolling hill before the plains subsided into the woods, Catrina had brought Feena and herself to a stop, so they could scout the arena. Good decision, too, even though they had to fight a couple of Stray Lost Bugbears for right of the gently sloping hill. "Finally!"

Feena nodded. If it'd seemed like forever for her, then she couldn't imagine how long Catrina had waited to get back into the action.. After all, there remained several questions of honor and such with her, her 'mate,' Him, and her brother, Cattaras.

"So, do we have a plan for this?" Feena asked.

"Sure do. Roll through anything in our way.. but try to get through there with as little fighting as nessissary. I'd prefer to talk to the outpost survivors and figure a way to end this as quick as possible."

Feena nodded. "Good plan."

Feena had spotted the gathering in the far distance, looking much like proverbial stormheads. A handful of smaller groups had gone to meet up with what was very likely the Knob Goblin royalty... not just ordinary soldiers. He was surrounded by the best of his Elite Guards, while each of the smaller factions had one to two Elite Seven... Though she was sure Catrina had seen it, neither had mentioned it.

After all, they'd have to deal with it when it came, either way...


=-=-=-=-


Dash was starting to wish KOKOL had sent more of them to this battle.

This thought occurred to him as he lead Vixen directly towards the first attacking army. Small group, compared to the others.. Mostly Knob Goblins.. Dash knew instinctively this wasn't going to be as easy as he would have hoped.. As the Knob Goblin troops marched through the grasses of the Nearby Plains, they spotted the first wave of KOKOL defenders in the distance.

In the distance, the Centaur brothers stood in their twin human forms. Lt. Fuhler and a group of 4 of his elite archers stood behind him.. (No recliners in sight, La-Z brand or otherwise.) Two of them were busy cleaning their arrows, while another sat in front of a smoking pot, and the final stood watching guard. Unfortunately for him, he was facing away from the Knob Goblins, looking in the opposite direction, towards the outpost itself.

Their leader gave an almost invisible hand signal, then shouted out something in a Knob Goblian language.. Figuring they could rush and get the advantage before the archers could set themselves to attack, he sent the small army into a dead rush attack.

He'd fallen right into the trap.

As the group started moving, disjointed, without any leadership beyond the basic instruction and their limited training.

Just as anticipated...

As they broke into a full charge, Vixen suddenly leaped out from the tall grass between two Knob Goblins, tripping one with her staff so he went careening into the other. Meanwhile, Dash sprung up as the front of the group rounded down a small hill. Dash's blade flashed in the sunlight, as Goblin blood was quickly spilled. The other Goblins, of course, immediately responded to the threat, turning on Vixen and Dash. However, the surprise advantage was enough to keep the KOKOL duo going. Dash brought his sword around, slicing through a Knob Goblin soldier who'd foolishly tried to catch him unaware.

"Destroy them!" The Goblin leader commanded. Vixen immediately sprung towards him, ready to do some damage with her walking stick. As she dove through the air, a couple of guards managed to snatch her from her tackle, sending her down hard on the ground.

Dash turned, eager to help. Unfortunately, he nearly left himself open to decapitation. Sensing the blade's path arcing from behind, Dash danced to the side, narrowly avoiding the sword. Unfortunately, the Knob Goblin wielding it was both large and agile. His talent with the sword was uncanny, even if you didn't factor in the fact it was a Knob Goblin. Dash was forced back into another pair of Knob Goblin thugs. The bigger of the two grabbed at him. Dash punished him for that idea, bringing the hilt of Bad Beats into his ribs.

Following up with it, Dash took the smaller Goblin, who looked unsure what to do, by the head, and flung him into the larger Knob Goblin, sending both down in a Knob heap. Then it was back to the defensive as the swordsmaster was all over Dash. Six guards left in all, plus the two Dash had momentarily taken out of action, and the three focused on Vixen.

Dash shook his head, trying to get things moving.. they had to wrap this up quick before another group of Knob Goblins showed up to complicate things....


=-=-=-=


"Hold up, hun."

Feena paused, confused. "But.. the outpost is right ahead.. shouldn't we hurry?"

"Something doesn't feel.. right here," Catrina answered. Her attention shifted down the plain.. "There.. something's going own southeast of the outpost."

"Then that's where I suppose we head," Feena offered. Catrina nodded, and the two were off.


=-=-=-


Vixen did her best to ignore the pain throbbing through her back and hip after being roughly flung through the air by a Knob Goblin. She was surrounded by Knob Goblins.. Well, no problem. She wasn't a slouch when it came to fighting, and she doubted the same could honestly be said of her opposition.

One rushed in, and caught her walking stick square to his forehead. He went down, holding his head and begging for an Asparin. The next charged in. She tried to dish the same medicine out, but he dropped back at the last second, allowing her staff to catch air. As she quickly regained her balance, another one of the Knob soldiers took her from the side, blindsiding her with a mammoth rush tackle that sent her spinning out of control. The bag which was attached to her back went flying to the ground.

Spinning around, she grabbed the bag, and brought her twin short swords from it. Alright.. so maybe this wouldn't be QUITE as easy as she thought. . . .


=-=-=-=-


Dash gave a puzzled look. At first, it seemed like the had the situation well in hand. The next second, Vixen lost control and was on her heels, reeling on the defensive. Dash had his own problems keeping him from helping her. Dash ducked under a wild swing that looked like it could stun a bugbear, and brought the hilt of his sword under the ribs of the attacker. A massive headbutt stunned the same Knob Goblin and send him reeling off his feet.

Though there were dozens of strategies and techniques he had on hand for such occasions, two seemed the most viable. Try to work up a disco fury of justice, and blindside them with his moxious ambition, or play it slick and smooth, letting the action come to him and using their own unskilled attacks against them.. saving his energy to look for a chance to give Vixen a hand, if need be.

Both options sounded corny in his head, but either sounded about equally likely to work. Still, he didn't want to burn himself out, so he made a 'bring it' motion with his free hand, letting Bad Beats fall back a little.

They had no idea how fast he could bring it into a ready position. He could kill, injure, or stun with the sword. That's why he valued it so much. He valued life, which occasionally meant he'd have to kill. To preserve his own life or others. Still, Dash had been raised on a strict hero mentality, so he rarely killed, even when he suspected he'd likely live to regret it.

Anticipation coursed through his veins as they moved as one. From his front and his sides, they knew what they were doing. Didn't matter. Dash dove to the side, taking out the first with a simple spear tackle, taking him down and stunning him as Dash popped to his feet. The others rushed him, only momentarily taken back by his offensive move.

A delicate dance of offense and defense.

Ducking under the oversized polearm of the first put Dash in the perfect position to slice at the unprotected area behind the kneecaps of the nearest Knob Goblin guard, which sent him running.. er.. limping off the battlefield in agony. Ducking and dodging, Dash dealt with the other warriors in turn, noticing from the furthest corner of his eyes as he did that Vixen seemed to have found her own battle pattern.

She moved like water, using her short sword and her walking stick like she had three hands. Occasionally, she'd hold one weapon with her tail while she'd attack with the third. Other times, she'd lay one on the ground, and fight the enemies around her, keeping them away from the weapon on the ground as if it were a game to her.

Maybe it was.

She struck like lightning. Dash moved like water through the enemies. Though the Knob Goblins were no slouches, and proved a surprising challenge, they quickly fell, running off or being left injured on the battlefield.

"This might not be such a long day, after all," Vixen admitted, resting on her walking stick.

"We've got a long way to go, from the looks of things," Dash said, filing through a thick folder of military information he'd obtained during the fight.

"What's it say?"

Dash shrugged. "Not totally sure. Most of it is in at least two different kinds of Knob language, as opposed to the King's Official Language. Still.." Dash flipped through the sheets. "Between what is in the Kingdom dialect, the images, and what little Knob Goblin I understand, they're serious about getting this. We could be taking on a rather large portion of the Knob Goblin empire."

"Yeah, well, they don't seem all that tough."

"Maybe not, but they're not meant to be. Their mages and best warriors would only come in a later wave, after they've tested us out."

"Tested us out?"

Dash nodded. "They'll want to know what they're getting into before they charge us.. I'm guessing if we had the time and expertise, we'd find primative 'spying' magics laced into these Goblins and their weapons... I could be wrong, but I'd put meat on that."

"Urgh, magic's a pain to deal with."

Dash just nodded in agreement. "Come on.. let's get back to the Outpost."


=-=-=-


"You're using less than half or your Elite Seven, sir?"

Glowben, captain of the Royal Field expeditions forces, had done the math on his fingers three times, just to be sure he didn't misspeak. Giving the king the wrong fact was never in a Knob Goblin's best interest.

"Congratulations, I should promote you to Captain.. Captain Obvious! Yes, I'm sure along with my awesomeness, having Three Elite.. *AND* my own Elite guard, should be more than enough protection.. don't you?!"

They'd met up with the Black Paladin and Grillhamo moments earlier. Along with the Jester King of Beasts, who was accompanying him on this journey from the secret hideout, that gave him the protection he figured he'd need against any ill advised attacks by the KOKOL.

"Y-yes, a horse," the top guard member sputtered back. "I mean, of course!"

"Good, I'm SO glad you agree that your staff is competent!" The King of the Knob Goblins spoke with a voice that drooled hateful, sarcastic bitterness.

"Though personally..." The Jester King nearly sang as he popped up next to the King, arms around him as if they were best friends... "I think I alone am enough protection for you, which's probably a lucky thing because between you and me, these Elite Guards ain't that elite, ifyaknowwhat I'm-sayinbub."

That got Glowben's salad riled up! "Sure you won't run into the ohhh so dangerous combination of a fat hamster and a scared lil bunny?!"

In sarcastic reference to the Jester King's failed attempt at leading a raid against the Kingdom of KOL not long ago.. having fallen to a magical attack by Fluffy Hamster, after he'd perused FeenaMancy from one end of the clan base to the other, without managing to even come close to catching her, despite Jester King's ability to utilize a phantom form, *and* his control of beasts. (Which probably didn't prove as useful in KOKOL's own base as it might have in, say, a jungle.. but still..)

"Luck, m'boy, PURE luck!" the Jester King responded in a dismissive voice, adding under his breath, "Just like you being promoted to anything beyond a toilet scrubber, I'm sure."

"Let's just get this awesome show on the road, SHALL WE?!" The King insisted! Goblin King, that is. "If no one has any objections."

"Just one," a feminine voice cried out from behind the nearest cropping of tall and uncut sunshaded amberweeds.

"You!" Jester King of Beasts cried out in anger as he turned to see FeenaMancy appearing, alone, from the grass. "I'll rip your -"

"Enough of that!" Catrina interrupted him, coming out of seemingly nowhere to jam the hilts of her elbow into his sensitive ribs, stunning him before he could react by using any of his powers.. A powerful lion-like leg took him out as Catrina rotated after the kick to land on all fours. She reared on her legs, roaring a dare to any who would oppose her to NOT run and face her.

They would have ran if they were smart.

Instead, the guards charged her, while the other two Elite formed around the King, ready to defend him as they began to figure out a deadly attack plan.

Icy eyes starred the Goblin King down, but Catrina would have to ease through his guards first.

Hey.. no problem, right?

Feena threw a minor ray of irritation at the first guard, sending him off guard for Catrina to take him out with a quick diving knee to the head. An awe inspiring, amazingly athletic move, it should have left the other guards too stunned to react before her follow up attack.

To her surprise, it didn't. Catrina braced to take the next two out as they flanked on her. Unfortunately, it was only a distraction, and she found her neck in the vicelike grip of the biggest of the Elite Guard, a member named Thug. Thug hurled her with an inhuman force into Feena, taking down the bunny sorceress of noodles before she could conjure up an attack of her own.

Catrina skidded across the ground, as a couple of quicker Knob Goblins pounced on her, feet first. Her initial reaction was to try to slice through their legs with her katanas, but alas, those were left with Dash before her whole otherworldly adventure..

Before her first fight with the Muri-Dan.

The split second she needed to rethink her options- pull a leg up and get them either in the gut, or between the legs- cost her the chance to react at all. She rolled hard to her left, dislodging both Goblins from on top of her. She sprung to her feet with the trademark speed of a predator.

The others had her perfectly surrounded. She barrelrolled into a kick at the nearest Goblin, hitting with full force, but he blocked the move so well as to negate most of the impact, turning it back at Catrina. She was surprised to find out how resilient a Goblin could be when he had an inkling of what it was doing.

She turned to see how Feena was doing. Best as Catrina could tell, Feena was having her problems with her Goblin forces as well. They seemed to be exceptionally well prepared for magic today...

Catrina could smell Sebastian.. her Dash.. in the distance.. she ached to chase him down, but present matters were keeping her occupied.. She could also smell a backup army or six making their way towards the KOKOL forces.

Catrina ignored the urge to let out a dramatic sigh.. even with backup, though, she realized this was turning into an uphill fight...

Another, much larger battle with the bats against the rats and a few Muri-Dan had broken out not far away from their battle..

The KOKOL forces were just threatened to be overwhemeled by the sheer masses of enemies out for their blood today.

Catrina really wished she had her katanas with her already.. Hurry up, Dash!



 
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Kingdom of Loathing (KOL) is a (mostly) original online game that apparently has something to do with Asymmetric Publications, LLC, and something called a Jick, who probably copyrighted and trademarked the thing up the wahoozer. Wahoozer is a word I just made up. If you don't like it, bite me. And if you refuse to bite me go to . . . ANYWAY, this is the archive for an interactive writing game based on KOL, and a specific clan within- the Kingdom of KOL. Specific characters belong to their specific owners, specifically, unless specifically stated otherwise. This game was developed by Joshua A. Dexter, with rules based in part on Mercenary and Equinox. This is a non profit game done for entertainment purposes only. If a rash develops on your imagination, desist use immediately and consult a physician, psychologist, or 1-900 psychic for further assistance. KOL forums, store, entry at Answers, KOL's entry at Archive.org, and it's entry at Wikipedia, and KOL's own wiki. - JAD
In other words, I don't own KOL, or KOKOL, and KOL doesn't own KOL. Get it? Good!
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