Raw Hide makes his only mission appearance here. First person view, like all of Raw Hide's pieces so far, this's a bit of the 'by the game' roleplay. It left a few interesting conflicts with the Rollover that didn't get cleared up until the Finale. In fact, the end is pretty much ret'con'ed to take place during the finale, or after the other roleplays have, in story, already happened.

On the plus side, Raw Hide's personality shines through here. And hey- hey daze nuts!

I woke up from my nap and walked around the cave a bit. It felt good to just get a day off. I went out hunted some of those goats for a bit, scored some free booze from them and came back to my lair. I found some of my stuff had been knocked over. I was pissed. Then it hit me. Some stupid messenger came to see me.

So I went for a walk. I went to the plains to see if I could do something with the undead. They died and came back or something. There had to be a connection. Well after about a half an hour of skull smashing I got nothing. I got a cool lihc mask and a shovel for smacking people’s faces in, but nothing about Hey Deze. Those stupid undead just go “MRAAWWW”. So of course I lived up to one of my mantras. “For English, press 1. Para español get your face smashed back South of the Border.” Since I had to hit them that far with the shovel it took awhile and I had to move with them. My word is my bond and all that crap. I have to follow my mantra. I had to come back through the woods.

Since my first plan to beat the secret out of the undead failed, I had to come up with another brilliant plan. I remembered that some people call Hell and Hey Deze the same thing. Since I can’t get in maybe it can get out. So I went up to a friar and decided to scare the hell out of him. Well I scared something out of him but I don’t think that quite counts as Hey Deze. He started mumbling in his fear. Here is a rough translation of what he said. I tried to fill in the babbles with real stuff for ya.

“Oh my Jarlsberg! Oh my Jarlsberg! I thought you were another imp or demon from Hey Deze come to rip my delicate little body to shreds. We opened the thingy-my-shag-burning-thinger and now all of Hey Deze is coming here.”

So I asked him to tell me more about this shag burn thing. I thought it sounded kinda kinky and that they were doing something with little boys and hiding it with big words. So I followed him. He led me to this weird portal circle thing and said that was the shag burner. He needed me to fight some imps and get some stuff. In return he would make it easier for me to drink more in a day.

I said “HEY DEZE YEAH!” Who doesn’t want to drink more in a day. So I did so. I beat the crap out of the stupid things. Bunch of frickin pansies if you ask me. They were all injured and stuff. They had casts and crutches and everything. Some evil army. They can’t even march let alone fight. The archfiends were pretty cool though. They were beefy. Like hamburgers and nuggets. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I even bagged some hellion cubes for ramen. I love ramen.

I got the butter knife, the birthday candles and the dodecagram that they asked me to get. I gave it back and they closed the portal. Let me tell you, I was pissed. I need that portal. After that fat moron made me drink more I beat him with the shovel. I went poking around the portal hoping for something. I was just getting ready to leave when I saw a lonely caterpillar. He was hauling a map. I stole the map and squashed the bug. It was a map. I read the map and followed it down to Hey Deze. I got to the entrance and some jerk off tossed me out. Then I read the map again to make sure I was at the right place. I missed this part "WOE BETIDE YE, WHO ENTERS HERE WITHOUT SUITABLE MUSIC FOR OUR DARK LORD."

I went home grabbed my guitar, pick and a piece I had been practicing. I went up to that jerk and this time I played the greatest song in the world. But now I can’t remember it. He let me in and gave me some Hey Deze nuts. I’m in baby. Bring on the orb finding.