Almost as random as a Becky solo piece but with a lot more violence and booze.

There's a lot of NPC's here to have fun with, and a sense of humor you don't see much of in AIL. They do touch on the zombie issues, although there's no time for actually fighting zombies here.

There'll be plenty of time to fight zombies later on, don't worry.

The noise in the boardroom had gotten too loud. The first meeting of the Committee For Drastic And Unnecessarily Lethal Solutions was off to a bad start. Already five of the eight members were brawling on the floor, with two of the bystanders placing wagers on the combatants. "Shut up!" shouted Konall, but none of the brawlers could hear him. "Let's have some order in here!"

Spaz picked up the gavel. "You're supposed to bang this on the podium," he said.

"What kinda lousy hammer is that? You'd have trouble killing a possum with that thing." Konall pulled out his haxxor and banged the hammer end on the podium, crushing it into splinters. "Stupid South of the Border flimsy construction!" But the act had gotten everyone's attention.

"All right," said Konall, taking his seat at the head of the table. "We've got a meeting and by the beard of Odin we're going to finish it. Everyone sit down or I'll gut you like the bunnies you are."

One by one the warriors sat down, starting with Olin the Devastator and ending with Crazy Bob.

"Now," said Konall, "I was gonna have us all introduce ourselves, but we pretty much know everyone here."

Olin snickered, "Indeed. 'is no better way to know a man than to fight him. And I know that Jim here fights like a pregnant sow."

"That's it," said Jim of Deathknoll. "I'll kill you and then I'll track down your family and I'll-" The rant was ended by another blow from the hammer end of the haxxor, pounding Jim into unconsciousness.

Konall sat down again. "I said quiet. Now we're going to have order here. If the only way we're going to have peace and quiet is me killing you, then by Thor's hammer that's what I'll do."

Konall looked at the notes Mtiger had given him about running a meeting. "Says here I'm supposed to ask if there's any old business."

Everyone thought about that for a minute. Finally, Garth said something. "Well, I've been in the antiquing trade for a while."

"I think he means, 'is there anything from previous meetings that we need to deal with?'" said Daemon "Thinky" Thompson.

"Uh, yeah," said Konall, "that's probably what that meant. Um, since I killed off the old council, guess not. Oh, forgot to do a roll call. That's boring. If you're not here, raise your hand." After a moment he continued. "Looks like everyone's here. Next up, " Konall scanned his notes again. "Who's taking minutes?"

Garth began taking the clock down off the wall. Thinky smacked him upside the head. He put the clock back.

"Minutes," said Thinky, "is the record of what we did in the meeting."

Konall thought for a minute. "Couldn't that be used as evidence against us in a trial?"

"I suppose," said Thinky.

Konall looked around the room. "All in favor of using our memory instead of keeping minutes say 'yeah.'"

There were eight 'yeahs.'

"Now, we need to appoint committee officers. Says here secretary, treasurer, vice president, and president. Now I'm already president so nuts to all of you. Who wants to be secretary?"

All of the men at the table frequented bars, and all of them knew that they wouldn't be able to go into a bar without being the laughingstock of said bars if anyone found out they were a secretary. No one volunteered. The one woman in the group knew that every bit of work she had done to establish a reputation as a bloodthirsty warrior queen would be undone in an instant if she took that job.

Spaz flew to the center "What's secretary do?"

"Let me see," said Konall, flipping through his notes. "Keeps a record of all the committee activities. Says it should be someone who's meticulous and focused." He looked around the room. "Anyone here meet that description?"

"When I kill people, I make a thorough search to make sure I got everyone," said Daemon.

"I think we all do that," said Konall. "All right, Spaz, you can be secretary. Now, who wants to be treasurer?"

Cassandra perked up. "Isn't that the one who keeps ahold of the committee's money and is the only one with the records of where it's being spent."

"Uh, yeah, that's what it says here."

Every hand at the table shot into the air.

Konall thought for a moment. "Hold up, what do we need a treasurer for anyway? We just kill people here. I mean, we buy our own gear and everything."

"We might need to hire some mercenaries at some point," said Thinky.

"Less fun for the rest of us," said Garth. Everyone else agreed.

"Come on guys, can anyone think of any other expenses we might have?"

Eventually everyone came up with suggestions. They ranged from beer to booze to alcohol to ale and back to beer again. Strippers were briefly considered but eventually they agreed that it wasn't quite suitable for the sort of thing that the gentlemen of a committee brought to meetings.

"All right," said Konall finally, "When it comes time to get booze, why don't we all just chip in and send the demon out to pick up beer?" Everyone seemed fine with that. "Next up, we need to elect a vice president. The paper suggests we have a secret ballot. I say anyone to sissy to say his vote is a coward and a weasel. Now, I'll go around the table and everyone tell me who you think would make the best vice president and the best possible president in case I die in battle. As if that'd happen."

"Cholesterol would get to you first," said Spaz.

One by one Konall went around the table and everyone voted for him or herself except the unconscious Jim. Finally, it came down to Konall. "I say Cassandra would be the best choice for vice president."

Cassandra beamed. "Thank you for that, Konall. I appreciate your trust."

Spaz smirked. "Course, the fact that he can look down your breastplate when you're sitting next to him at the head of the table had nothing to do with it."

Konall idly moved to swat Spaz out of the air. Cassandra looked down at her breasts. "Can't blame you, really."

Konall consulted the notes yet again. "It's time to discuss new business. Now the clan wants us to take care of the zombie problem. Any suggestions?"

Brawn spoke up. "I say we kill 'em all."

"Sounds good. All in favor?" It was a unanimous vote.

"Now, there's also been trouble with some thieves taking advantage of the refugees. What do you guys think is the best way to handle this situation." There was another unanimous resolution to kill them all.

"Okay, now, what do we do with the rats that are taking over the area?"

"They should die as vermin." said Olin.

"But how? I say poison."

"I say traps," said Garth.

Fourteen minutes, seventeen death threats, 129 beers, and 2,015 curse words later (Spaz kept count) the discussion had gotten nowhere.

"I say we take this to a vote," said Konall. "I vote poison, of course. Garth?"

"Traps."

"Cassandra?"

"I still say traps."

"Thinky?"

"Poison."

"Spaz?"

"Traps."

"Traitorous demonspawn. Olin?"

"Traps."

"Brawn?"

"Poison."

"Jim?"

Jim managed to awaken from his unconsciousness to gurgle "Go away." or possibly "Potato."

"I'm counting that as a vote for poison. Looks like we're tied. What do we do now?"

"We could always pull out our weapons and have at it," said Garth.

"Now, we're supposed to handle this like gentlemen. So I'm going to say no weapons, you use your bare hands. Or in Olin's case, bear hands. And no armor, that's cheating."

By the time the brawl was over only Konall was left standing. He collected his gear and walked out.

"How fared the meeting?" asked Mtiger.

"You know," said Konall, "I thought all this being civilized would be tough, but it wasn't bad."

"I am curious. What wilt thou do for the rat infestation?"

"We had a discussion about that and we decided to use poisoned bait, not traps."

"Why not simply put the poisoned bait in the traps, good sir?"

"Um," said Konall, picking Garth's teeth out of his knuckles, "I'll bring that up at the next meeting."

Heh, heh, good one MTiger.

Konall's such a talented debater. Lots more story to come, but Konall's only in one more co write before the Finale hits us. Coming up in our next few pieces are Sebastian Dash, Becky Joy, Sir Fumbles, Daisuke and more.