Like any good mission, this has a Shamus XTreme roleplay in it. And it's quite a roleplay for an interim mission.

Always nice to see how Shamus fits himself into things. This's basically his first roleplay since his decision to join the Feline Empire, and should give us a taste of how that works out for him.

Badly.

 
“God, that’s cold!” A slightly effeminate voice from the tent next to Shamus, bounty hunter extraordinaire, suddenly shrieked.

“Oh, come on! It’ll only hurt a second!” Replied a voice from the tent that was far more feminine-sounding than its companion.

Shamus didn’t really know what was going on in his tent, but he wasn’t really concerned about that right now. He had spent the entire morning sitting on a nearby stump, contemplating everything that happened in the past week.

“Watch it! You almost punctured my throat!”

“Things like that are why this is fun!”

In the span of approximately two days he had abandoned his previous employers, abandoned his comma chameleon, Inuyaustin; and, for the first time that he could recall, he had hesitated to fire at a target. Three times! What was wrong with him? Could it be that-

“Sodding hell! Shut up, Shamus!” Came a yell from his sleeping area.

“Give us five minutes!”

He realized that he had been narrating his thoughts out-loud for the past few minutes, and simply yelled back. “Sorry?”

He sighed, reaching over to put his crossbow onto the ground. It was already the middle of Generic Summer Vacation week, and he hadn’t even-

Shamus’s thought process was interrupted as the tent’s flaps flew open, as a figure started to emerge from within it. The figure was a lean male, with silky silver hair and fiery red eyes that were normally obscured by a mask that he seemed to fancy. The only clothing the young man had on him was his pair of leather trousers, which would ordinarily be accompanied by a large black trench coat. The absence of the latter allowed Shamus to see he was surprisingly muscular for someone with his build.

The bounty hunter raised an eyebrow as he saw various bruises and, cuts, and gashes on the man’s body, some of which appeared to be rather deep.

“Get into a figh-” He began to ask, before the man gave him a deathly glare.

The tent flap was raised slightly by the other figure in the tent, before they asked, “Aw, are we done?”

Shamus turned his attention to the small female peeking out of his tent. A young girl with long, elegant black hair looked back towards him with her brown eyes, a slightly bloody dagger in-between her teeth. She would normally be dressed in some loose fitting pants of some sort, along with the belt and holster for her firearm she always carried with her, and a heart-shaped chest plate she had painted pink; but right now she appeared to be dressed in some type of military inspired uniform.

The girl seemed to realize this, as she gave a quick gasp before retreating back to the confines of the tent.

“See something interesting, peon?” The man suddenly inquired, slitting his eyes further to give Shamus a glare that made him feel fairly uncomfortable.

“Uhh…” He began, quickly turning away from the tent and leaping off his seat. “No. No, I didn’t see anything.”

This answer seemed to be satisfactory to the man, as he chuckled before going to a nearby tree where he had left his precious outfit.

A few minutes later, the girl emerged form the tent, now dressed in her usual attire. She gave Shamus a quick glare, before skipping happily to the now fully-dressed man. “Blaaake!” She whined. “I wanna’ do something!”

“I already told you,” Blake began. “we have to constantly look for work now that the war is at a stand-still.”

“But I’m boooooorrrreeeeed! And it’s Generic Summer Vacation week!” She twirled around to look at Shamus. “You want to do something fun, right?”

The hunter considered not answering, for fear of Blake harming him if he disagreed with him, before saying, “Uh, I guess. Like, what, a picnic?”

“We can have a picnic anytime! We need to do something special!” Blake sighed as his colleague, Mimi, continued her childish complaining.

“Okay,” He began. “we’ll we do something, ‘Fun’, but then you have to-” He tried to finish his sentence, before the girl grabbed a hold of his collar and began dragging him to her makeshift campsite-within-a-campsite she had setup over the course of the week.

“Then let’s see what we should wear! This is going to be fun!” Mimi squealed, tossing Blake into her tent and then hopping in after.

“Hey!” A protest came from the tent. “No, no, no, no, no, no! I can unbuckle that myself!” This was followed by a slight thud as Shamus could hear him making impact with the ground. “Don’t touch the mask!”

These protests, and the occasional giggle, went on for several minutes before the tent flew open as Mimi burst out, carrying Blake by his hair. “We’re ready!”

Shamus eyed both of them, examining their outfits. Blake seemed to be going for a minimalist theme, as all he was wearing was a baggy pair of swimming trunks and his Cold ninja mask, for some odd reason. Mimi also seemed to enjoy this look, dressed in a short skirt over a two-piece swimsuit. “Why aren’t you in a swimsuit?” She suddenly inquired, glaring at the bounty hunter.

“You didn’t tell me we were going swimming!” He said, attempting to defend himself. He almost began another sentence, before his gaze was suddenly distracted downward after the realization of the wonderful situation he was in.

A few moments passed until Mimi screamed, “What are you staring at!?”, as Shamus only began to focus more.

“… No wonder you wear such a bulky chest plate all the time.” He observed, not realizing the danger in doing so. This caused Blake to break free of Mimi’s grasp and slink out of view, as he prepared for the inevitable.

To his surprise, the girl simply frowned; face a bright red.

“Wh- Why the hell would you say that to a girl!?” She screeched, turning away from the hunter. “I swear, you can be-“

“A-cup.”

A loud groan was heard, after she had swung her fist between the hunter’s legs with all of her strength. Blake nodded, as he knew it was safe for him to come back.

“Now, after you’re done crying, we can get going.” The assassin stated while looking towards Shamus, who was on the ground with tears in his eyes.

Mimi gave the hunter a quick kick to his ribs, “Filthy hentai!” before asking, “Do you still have that meatcar? We need a way to get to the beach. There’s a fair!” She gushed, now suddenly in a joyous mood.

“W- Was… On… ly… A… J- Joke…”

“I don’t think he’s capable of understanding human speech right now.” Blake stated, reaching into Shamus’ pocket to retrieve the key that would start up the automobile. “Maybe you shouldn’t hit him so hard.”

“But he made fun of me! That’s mean!” Mimi pouted, grabbing hold of Shamus and lifting him off the ground.

Blake ignored her as he made his towards the bounty hunter, before lightly slapping his tear-stained cheeks. “Hey! Where’s the car?”

Shamus was now well enough to comprehend what Blake was saying, as he was able to answer, “I- It’s parked near the M- Magical Mystical Hippy Stone.”

This was enough of an answer, apparently, as Mimi tightened her grip on the hunter before dashing in the direction of the meatcar. “Then let’s go!” She squealed. “Tally-ho!”

The sudden jerk caused Shamus to fall face-first onto the ground, as he was dragged along by his wrist to the car. The bounty hunter didn’t seem to notice the various sticks and stones that were striking his body as he was dragged along, as he simply let out a long sigh.

Blake followed behind them, twirling the keys that were around his fingers.

After a short walk at a leisurely pace, he caught up with the others at the meatcar. Mimi was already in the passenger’s seat, fidgeting with excitement. Shamus groaned, before hopping into the driver’s seat. “Hey,” He began, beckoning at Blake “gimme’ the keys.”

“Why are there only two seats?”

This comment seemed to leave a look of horror on Mimi and Shamus’ faces as they realized what kind of situation they were in.

The hunter suddenly tried to come up with a solution. “Okay, one of us will have to sit someone else’s lap for the ride.” He turned to Blake as he made this comment, allowing himself a slight smile.

“The sod you looking at?”

 
The whir of a meatcar’s engine was heard, like rain against a piece of plastic that you were too lazy to bring inside, as a foreign object started to appear over a large mound of sand to the east of the beach. This caught the eye of a few people trying to relax in the sun, but they quickly learned to ignore it. The whir’s volume started to steadily increase as it approached, until it ceased completely.

“Okay, now get the hell off me!” Blake screamed from its driver’s seat, pushing Shamus off the side of the car and onto the ground.

“But you’re so comfy!”

“He’s got you there, you are really comfy.” Mimi giggled, leaping out of the car. She let out a slight squeal in surprise as her bare feet made contact with the hot sand. “Giftzwerg! Why is it so hot!”

As Blake leaped out of the car, he heald back a squeal of his own. “Well, the sun is a very hot place, and as such-“

“Halt die Schnauze!” Mimi screamed, kicking sand at the assassin’s face.

“Wearing a mask.” Blake pointed out.

Mimi gritted her teeth, and considered using the tactic she had used on Shamus to make him cry earlier on the pompous mamzer, before she felt a slight tapping on her shoulder.

“Hey, babe.” A young man behind her began. “It looks like this guy is making you angry. Want to cool off with a real one?”

Mimi turned around to face him, before her face turned bright red. Tears began to form in her eyes, as her lip started quivering. It was then that she burst out laughing. “Ahahahahahaha! Oh god!” She gripped onto her sides to help with the pain. “People who use lines like that actually exist! I love the mainland!”

The young man looked slightly irritated, before Shamus piped in, “I thought it was a good line.”

“Shut up.” Blake commanded, before turning to the brunette male harassing them. “Go away.”

“Hey, you’re the one who’s pickn’ on this pretty young thing.” He pointed to Mimi, who was wiping liquid from her eyes. “You even made her cry, you mask wearing freak!”

“And are you really going to argue with a man who’s mentally unstable enough to wear a mask at the beach?” He stated flatly, cocking his head to one side.

“Oh, come on, Blake.” Mimi said, straightening herself after she had hunched over laughing. “Lighten up. I never get to hear stuff like this.” She turned to the man, who appeared to be loosing interest in the conversation. “Oh! Make some pun-based comparison about the heat and how physically attractive I am!”

“Go to Hey Deze.” He replied, as turned away to leave. “You’re too flat-chested anyway-” He stopped in the middle of his sentence when he felt his right arm being pulled behind his back by the girl, a burning inferno of hatred in her eyes. “Hey, what are-” He began, before she gave a slight push. There was a loud *POP* as his arm was dislocated.

“Oh shoot.” Blake said, plugging his ears.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-”

“Haha! How do you like that, bitc-” Mimi began, before Blake grabbed her and began running to any location that wasn’t there.

Mimi began giggling as she dragged along, while Shamus tried his best to keep up. They continued running for a few minutes until they reached a fairly crowded location, which Blake felt would be an area they wouldn’t be noticed for a little while.

“Okay,” He began. “hopefully he didn’t inform any authorities. I don’t have the time that would be required to fill out paperwork for bail.”

“You’re on vacation-” Shamus began, before a loud booming voice erupted from an object directly behind his ears.

“Come one! Come all! Preferably all!” A voice screeched from a nearby speaker. “The Generic Summer Vacation week beach fair has already started! We’ve got games! Competitions! Crabs! Speaking of competitions, the diving competition is starting in five minutes! If you win, you can get a goldfish! Isn’t that amazing? Go to the west edge of the beach, south of that creepy old guy! There’s a cliff!”

“Oh! Let’s go diving, Blake!” Mimi yelled, darting to the beach.

“Stop running away with little-to-no reason!” Shamus called after her, as he began following.

Blake didn’t have anything better to do, so he began to walk after them. This was getting tiresome. The sand was uncomfortable. Everything smelled of salt. He didn’t have his coat. He only had one blade on him. Shamus was still alive. There were children playing around him. Today was a bad day. He hated summer.

He quickly snapped back from his thoughts as he approached the diving area. There were various spectators crowding around, and then a line of people leading to the cliff, which appeared to be about 20 meters high. Near the front of the line stood Mimi and Shamus, the former beckoning him to join them. He sighed, pushing past a man to get in line in front of her.

“Hey! No cuts!” The man yelled.

“Wearing a mask. Quiet.” Blake retorted, utterly baffling the man; which, in-turn, quieted him.

Before a new conversation could be started, a loud splash and crack were heard simultaneously. “Ouch! Looks like that Knob Goblin didn’t see he was jumping into the shallows! As a word of advice: while diving, don’t jump into the shallows!”

Blake chuckled, before heading to the edge of the cliff. He slowly unbuckled his mask, and handed it to Shamus. “You break this? You die.”

“Next up is a silver-haired young man, who probably made 3 girls pregnant just now by looking at them.”

Blake considered finding who was making these announcements and stabbing them, but decided on just diving instead. He propped both his leg together, bending them slightly, before leaping into the air and raising both his arms to his sides slightly below chest-level. As his body started to turn downward, he raised both his arms above his head, before landing with a slight splash in the ocean below.

“Sweet! This is the first person not to aim face-first for the shallows. Seriously people, take notes if you have to.”

Blake surfaced to the waters with a gasp for air, as he looked around for the ladder that would lead back up… Where the hell was the ladder? “I hope he enjoys swimming back to shore, as there are no ladders!” Sodding hell.

Shamus watched as the assassin began swimming away from the cliff, as he felt himself pushed to the edge of it. “Okay!” Mimi said, taking Blake’s mask from his hands. “It’s your turn!”

“Uh, actually, I don’t swim. Or, like, know how to.” Shamus replied, rubbing the back of his head with a courtesy smile.

“Hmmm, really?” Mimi said with a mischievous smile.

“Hey, don’t-“

“Don’t worry,” She said, gripping his shoulders. “you survived the first time I did this to you.”

“Wait!”

“This is for the A-cup comment.”

Shamus gasped as Mimi let go of each of his shoulders and gave him a slight push. “GAAAAAHHH!” He began to scream as the wind rushed through his hair, he really should have brought his helmet.

“Well, I didn’t even get to introduce this contestant before he was pushed to his probable death! Why is he wearing a chest plate while diving? Who knows! This has been a great day for the grim reaper, people.”

The bounty hunter bent his knees as he approached the cool water below, and gave a slight yelp as he made impact. All of his senses were enveloped by sea water as it surrounded his body. He began to sink, all the while furiously trying to take off the armor that rested on his chest. His dreaded enemy made this harder to do than was to be expected, as he felt like he was falling into quick sand. He opened his mouth slightly for air, only getting his lungs partially filled with wonderful water. Was he really going to die on vacation?

That kind of sucks.

He resigned himself to his watery grave, before he saw a silhouette suddenly land in the water above him. It quickly swam down to him and grabbed hold of his hair before turning back to surface. He tried kicking his legs to attempt to help them pull him up, but he didn’t appear to know what he was doing.

He broke the water’s surface coughing, attempting to rid himself of the enemy inside his lungs. A few moments of continuous coughing, and a couple of smacks from his savior, rid himself of the small amount of sea water he had in his system. He turned to see the figure, as they gave him a thumbs-up.

“What in Hey Deze, Mimi!”” He screeched, gripping onto her tightly to avoid drowning.

“Well, looks like we don’t have to call the authorities for manslaughter. Perhaps attempted murder, though? Oh well, at least we got to check out the fine posterior of the felon! Isn’t that right, folks?”

“You were rude earlier,” She began. “so I thought this would teach you a lesson.”

“Pushing me off a cliff!?”

“It worked the first time.” She replied, before she saw Blake swimming towards them with a a strong forward-stroke. “Hey! What are you doing-“

“Mask. You really jumped off a cliff with my mask around your neck?” He inquired, as he tried to move Shamus from around her neck.

“Hey! Stop! I’ll drown!” He protested, splashing him.

“Mask? Oh!” She said, a look of realization upon her face. “I tossed that towards the shallows. I didn’t want to risk me breaking it while swimming.”

Blake immediately starting swimming in the direction of the shallows, looking quite agitated. Mimi swam after him, forcing Shamus to come along as well. “Hey! You look mad. Are you mad? I’m sorry! I didn’t have time to put it in a safe place!” The assassin ignored her, as he swam past the body of a Knob Goblin. He was in water shallow enough to stand up in, now.

He quickly surveyed the area, looking for his treasure. There were a few bodies of divers before him, and an inclined path that led back up to the cliff area to the left. ‘Would have been nice to have been informed about that before. He suddenly spotted his somehow undamaged mask on a collection of rocks near the path.

“See?” Mimi said as she approached Blake, shrugging Shamus into the shallow water. “You had nothing to worry about.”

Before Blake could respond, a large figure fell with a loud *Crack* into the water in front of them, causing him to back up slightly, and Mimi and Shamus to simply scream. As the body floated closer, they could tell it was the man who was waiting behind them in line.

“Okay, you guys aren’t even trying to aim anymore. Is this competition just an excuse for a mass-suicide? ‘Cause we aren’t going to pay the insurance companies.”

Before the group could recover, there came a *Clack, clack* sound from behind the mask, as a large booty crab crawled up next to it.

“Hey,” Shamus began, as the crab put one of its claws around Blake’s mask. “what’s it-“

*Clack* Was the only sound emitted in the next few seconds, as the crab grabbed the mask and began to scurry away.

“Vad fan!” Mimi screamed, rushing towards the crab. “Stab it, Blake!”

“The only knife I brought is in the mask!” He screamed, running as fast he could towards the fleeing crustacean.

“Why’d you store the knife in your mask!?”

Shamus simply splashed around in the shallow water, chuckling to himself. “Solid ground, solid ground, solid ground, solid ground…”

The crab was a lot faster than Blake expected, quickly jumping onto the path and scurrying twice the spped of an average man. The insipid *Clack, clack* noise it frequently created with it’s free claw wasn’t helping things.

Eventually, they followed the crab to the top of the cliff, where the spectators who were previously watching the competition were fleeing in any direction they could.

“There is now a giant crab at the diving competition! If you want to see fat people running away from things with claws, I’m pretty sure I saw a man with a tub of chicken in the spectators. But hey, don’t take my word for it! Come on over!”

Blake pushed himself past various fleeing civilians, before spotting the crab rushing towards away from the cliffs towards The Shore, Inc. just south of there.

*Clack, clack*

He could swear it was mocking him.

“Mimi!” He beckoned towards the girl, who had only just caught up with him. “Stop lagging behind!”

“I’m tiiiiiired.” She whined, half-heartedly skipping after him.

*Clack, clack*

This was the only sound Blake and Mimi heard; with the exception of their own breath, for a quite some time. After a while, they could see the crab walking towards The Shore, Inc. with 500 meat in it’s free claw.

“Oh!” The travel agent began excitedly. “Why, hello, Mister Crab! Are you planning on taking another vacation?” The crab simply nodded in response. “Well, congratulations! This is your 32nd trip with us! You’ve won a fabulous toaster!” The crab hopped up and down in glee, before throwing the useless mask it picked up on a whim behind it.

“Here you go!” She exclaimed, handing the new toaster to her valued customer. “It doesn’t even require an outlet! It’s magic!”

Not a second after this; Blake rammed into the side of the crab with full-force, causing it to go plummeting into the ocean, toaster in claw. There was a slight screech as the toaster made contact with the water, before it was replaced by a slight fizzing noise. Mimi began to giggle as the smell of crab-legs reached their noses.

“Oh dear,” The travel agent began. “it was fortunate that he paid beforehand.” She turned to Mimi and Blake. “Would you like to purchase a trip to one of our wonderful locales?”

“Naff off.” Was Blake’s reply; as he walked back towards his mask, which was now resting in the sand. He quickly reached down to retrieve it, examining the damage. It appeared to be in fairly decent shape, considering all that had happened to it. It only had a few slight dents, here and there; which he could easily buff out.

“Mimi!” He yelled back as he buckled the straps behind the back of his head. “Get over here! I know what you’re doing!”

“Bu- But they have a Tropical Paradise Island Getaway!”

“Don’t care. We’re leaving.”

Mimi sighed, before hopping away from the counter of travel agency, and over to the assassin to lean on his shoulder. “You’re no fun!”

“I’m knackered; we can always come back a different day.” He replied, stroking his wet hair in boredom.

The next sight he saw was an unpleasant, but sadly familiar, one; as the nesh bounty hunter, Shamus, was walking towards them in the distance. He appeared to be wearing water wings of some sort, as he waved at them.

“Hey guys!” He exclaimed as he caught up with them. “Can you believe they’re selling these things for only 300 meat?”

“Oh my God!” Mimi also exclaimed, pushing Blake away and running to the hunter. “Those would look so cute on-" She looked up at the bounty hunter, a serious look now strewn across her face. "Show me where you got them.”

“Sure. It’s a bit of a walk, though.”

“We’ve got time!” She yelled, grabbing a hold of Shamus as they began to head back towards the beach.

Blake simply sighed, knowing he would have to follow them again. This would last until he was so exhausted they would have to drag his unconscious body back to the campsite. And then they'd somehow find a way to screw it up, causing even more problems for him. Bloody hell.

He really hated summer.

Blake's misfortune- and Shamus's- is certainly entertaining, anyway. Since this was a shorter mission, we're just about done here.. One more roleplay and a one part Finale! Let's let Fumblies finish this mission off, shall we?

Oh- and the diving announcer totally took the cake on this one.