The name is Raw Hide. I got suckered into being a part of this band of miscreants when I disposed of some bandits living near my cave. Some one thought I did it to save the townspeople. They were just annoying me. I stick with these fools because they get me jobs. That’s what I do. I work for meat. Konall has some mission for us. This should be fun.

I left the briefing astonished. I may not think as well as a wizard but I’m not stupid. Every single adventurer in there had their own agenda. They didn’t care for anyone else. They act like such noble warriors and then use deception and trickery to complete their goals. I even caught a glimpse of Konall’s disguise. I figured even that “honorable” guy would resort to that. Sure, they left piles of stuff there for us to take but I don’t need to hide who I am. All creatures in the kingdom know that I work for meat. It makes sense that I hang with goblins doing a mission. I resort to any means necessary to insure my job gets done and done well. I still refuse to throw away offers of free gear though. I grabbed some firecrackers. I never know when an explosion can add effect.

I decided to ascend the mountains and into the igloo in my normal attire. I figured since the mission came from Konall, the mission took place in the mountains. Unfortunately, no one mentioned penguins. I brought a rope for some climbing, a torch for caves, my bow (because it is my favorite), and my axe. I wish I’d have brought my broad sword. Oh well! It’s their fault; they didn’t tell us what to bring.

Hell, if I would have known we were fighting penguins, I would have come with my whole arsenal. Those things wear suits. They look like formal tuxedos but as hard as they are to kill, they must be suits of armor. I figured routine clear-the-hippies-from-the-peak type of a mission which involves me cracking skulls might happen. Those penguins creep me out and their accent is just annoying.

We made our way to the igloo but some cracker got to them before we did. Two guards lay dead at the entrance. That completely blew my opportunity for a dramatic entrance. Intimidation is all in the look. Man do I ever hate when people ruin that for me. We got inside and then we split. I made my way up some stairs. I heard some fighting so I opened up the door from which it seemed to emanate. The door led to a loft which overlooked the sparring room. I guess some people watch and evaluate the fights or something but I came to fight not watch. I live for those types of situations. I controlled that room. The only exit was under the loft. It must have led to the locker room or something. I watched them moving, figuring out the best way to strike when a penguin came in a squawked something. I really hate that damn accent. Three penguins left. This left me only 2 more to kill. That was okay. I needed my arrows anyway. Innabox ran out of arrows before I could get to him to steal a few. I’ll pay that stupid gnoll a visit later.

I readied my bow and carefully placed my arrow on the thong. I really love the feeling I got then. A feeling of completely and utter control and power overwhelming me, seizing my very conscious self took me. I hopped up and began shooting. The first arrow landed right into the first penguin’s right eye. The second arrow gave the second penguin a make-shift tracheotomy. I notched a third one just to be ready. Neither one died. Both flailed around in pain. Like I said, “They have suits of armor.” Since the first penguin could still scream, I attacked the second penguin. I put two in his gut and then one straight to the left temple. He fell instantly from that one. I grinned at the sounds the first penguin made. He sounded like a pig being slaughtered. I put out his other eye for him. I couldn’t see a knee so I shot for his right foot. I pinned him to the floor now. I took my rope and swung down to face him. I drew my axe. He couldn’t see my face but I let him here my voice before he died.

“Do me a favor.” I paused to add some effect. “Tell all of the other suckers that I fought the mob and the Raw won!”

With that, I ripped his flesh right across his gut. His “intrails became his extrails.” I heard movement from the door and quickly climb my rope. I had 3 arrows left and it apparently takes around 4 to kill one of these things. I never thought they were really that tough. That was a bad assumption. However, they have nothing on me. If I brought my sword, this battle would have played out differently. I would storm the whole igloo slashing those stupid penguins. The axe is just too clumsy of a weapon. A lone penguin came in and saw the carnage. Then I realized that I forgot to gather my rope. He stood just below me. Then I realized he presented an easy kill. I quickly fashioned a loop in the end of the rope and dropped it down around his neck. I yanked my rope up and hung the penguin. I pierced his side with an arrow so that he looked like he got it good. That and I wanted my rope back.

I grabbed my rope and headed for the exit. Those stupid penguins weigh a lot. It must be from all of the pasta. I think that damn thing pulled my shoulder out of its socket. I’m sure their outfits and my actions would leave a lasting impression. I went out side and set up a firecracker to blast the entrance to the igloo. It would slow down their following us. After I set it up, I decided to have some fun. I dropped my pants and wrote “We want Orb of Sun yous gots” with my piss in the snow. I figured that would get a message across and look badass.

Nice little piece from Raw. He'll be back for a second later, but first up are Dash, Chad and Blahking.