There was a condition sent out to any of the four inactive characters used in this mission. I sent it before this mission. Basically, it went, "If you're not able to roleplay or get in touch with me before the roleplay deadline, I'm off'ing your characters."

Of the three, there was one I had to e-mail.. as far as I know, he never replied. There were two others who said they wouldn't be able to continue AIL....

Then there was Shamus! Although he'd never roleplayed, Shamus comes through with flying colors in this roleplay, as well as a follow up! It's not as provocative as Catrina's pieces or as weird as TheChad's, or as deep as a Catrina/ Dash piece.. but it's got it's own 'pure fun' charm! It also contains a bit of innovative writing and a smartass familiar... Check out the exciting adventures of Inuy and her pet human, Samus!

Er.. Shamus...

Shamus woke up, dazed and confused. And he looked around; he was in hey deze next to the basket that took him there. He checked if he still had his weapons- but he didn’t. The demons must have taken them.

“Great,” he said aloud. “how did this happen?”

“Well,” His pet chameleon Inuyaustin said, “Maybe it’s because you logged out for months, and then logged back in expecting that nothing would happen to you.”

“Shut up, and what did I say about breaking the fourth wall?”

Inuy sighed. “Fine.”

Shamus started walking down the path he woke up on, trying to find an exit. Everything was blurry in front of him. He couldn’t tell if it was because he didn’t have his helmet, or if it was because of the heat. Finally he said, “It’s so hot Inuy-”

“No, really?” She said

Glaring he replied, “Turn into a Frozen Gravy Fairy.”

“Yes, your majesty.”

Grumbling, Inuy rummaged through her pack and eventually pulled out an iced-out bling. She swallowed it and suddenly her skin turned ice cold, and she grew little wings. A fresh cold breeze went into Shamus’s face.

“Ahhhhh,” He said refreshed “maybe you are useful for something.”

“Yeah, this won’t last long though.”

“As long as it’s lasting now is all I care about.”

 
After walking a few hours the path finally ended. Shamus came into a large area filled with imps sitting in chairs, watching a W imp on a podium. The W imp was ranting about imp rights, and how the W imps aren’t treated fairly compared to the other imps, and how weak W imps are a racist interpretation.

He started tip-toeing past them. When he got close to the exit, he turned to Inuy.

Shamus whispered to Inuy. “Be very, very quite here.”

“What?” She said loudly.

Suddenly all the imps turned to their direction. Shamus was hoping they were looking at something right behind him, but that wasn’t the case.

“Hey!” One of the imps yelled “What’s an adventurer doing here?!”

“Get him!” The W imp on the podium yelled.

Shamus reached for his bow, then remembered it was gone. Panicking he said “Wait! The devil called me here to deliver some…uhhh…souls!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! I swear!”

Suddenly Inuy said “No he didn’t, the prince sent you to steal that orb thing.”

Shamus started glaring at Inuy hard.

“Ohhhhh!” Inuy said “You were lying, I get it.”

“Get him!” The W imp yelled again, visibly annoyed.

The imps started running towards them. Yelling things about how they were going to kick this, or punch that, or mount this on their wall.

“What do we do Inuy!?” Shamus said panicking again.

Inuy sighed, and went to the podium and jumped on top of it. “Wait imps!” The imps looked towards her. “You can’t kill him, because you all don’t exist!”

“What?” One of the imps asked.

“You are all just part of a MMORPG called KoL! You are nothing more than ones and zeros in the World Wide Web!”

The imps let out a collective gasp, before turning into 1 and 0s and falling to the floor, screaming about how they never got to even use their mana points.

“Well,” Inuy said “that was easy.”

Shamus just stared at the numbers on the floor, before looking to Inuy and saying “That was REALLY freaky, don’t do it again.”

“How about a thank you?”

“I had the situation under control; I could have taken them with one hand behind my back!”

Inuy let out another sigh “Sure you could have, let’s keep moving.”

 
After walking a little while longer down various paths and roads; they came to a locked door, with a sign reading; DANGER! Do not enter! “Well, this looks interesting.” Shamus said “I wonder what’s behind it?”

“I don’t know,” Inuy replied “and I don’t want to find out.”

“Oh come on, maybe there’s meat! Piles and piles of meat!”

“Where do you get your logic?”

Shamus seemed to ignore the comment as he tried to smash the door open with a small rock. After awhile of him banging on the door, Inuy said at last “That’s not going to work you know.”

“You’re right, I need a bigger rock!”

“What?”

“Inuy, turn into a rock.”

“What? I’m not going to turn into a rock!”

“Do it; I need something to break the door down.”

“But the effects of the last one haven’t worn ou-“

“Just do it you stupid lizard!”

“Fine, but change me back after you’re done.”

Inuy got a pet rock “Snooty” disguise out of her pack, and swallowed it. She suddenly morphed into a 30-pound rock that, somehow, made Shamus feel poorer.

“Door; meet rock.” Shamus said as he threw the rock at the door. The door unhinged and smashed to the ground. And he wished it hadn’t, he realized this was the devil’s room.

“Zzzzz……Wha-” The devil stirred in bed. “Who goes there?”

“Uhhh…”

“I said; who goes there?”

“Uh…Room service?””

The devil sat up in his bed and said, “Really? That’s great I need more towels for my room, and could you get me a soda? Get one for yourself while you’re there. Please and thank you.”

“Uhh...Okay.”

Shamus ran out of the room and re-hinged the door as fast as he could. It took a few moments to recover from that shocking experience. But when he did, he decided to rummage through Inuy’s pack to look for something to change her back so she could help him. He pulled out a rhesus monkey and tried repeatedly to feed it to the rock in front of him- Then he realized that was just a normal rock and fed it to the one next to it. Inuy turned normal for a split second; then morphed into a NPZR shouting things like “Braaaiiiwahh!” and “Danger! Danger, Jack Robinson!”

Groaning, Inuy said “Irritated question: Couldn’t you have picked a better familiarrr, savvy?”

“It was the first one I picked. And besides, free toast!”

“Sarcastic statement: Graaaagh, toast? Well that changes everything! That makes it totally worth talking like some deranged mental patient, savvy.”

“Make yourself useful, and use your l33t ninja skilz to scout the area.”

“Response: Fine, meatbag.”

Shamus sat there, waiting; occasionally glancing down the path, until after a few minutes Inuy returned.

“Well?” Shamus asked. “Is it safe?”

“Response: Well, yes, and no.” Inuy replied.

“What do you mean, yes, and no?”

“Nervous answer: Well, mate, it was until I saw an imp.”

“And?”

“Well he was wearing glasses. And he had a chess board, ya know. He looked so smart, with such a nice brain.”

Shamus just stood there, staring at Inuy stunned.

Inuy continued. “Well, he had a buddy with him, and he sounded the alarm. And now they’re coming here.”

“Uh-oh, we gotta find a place to hide before they get here!” Shamus said panicking again. He picked up Inuy and ran down the hall and opened the first door he could find, and he was in the kitchen, staring at a bunch of demons and imps. The three imp and two demon chefs turned from their cooking. And one of the demon chefs asked “You the delivery boy with the food?”

“Ummm….Yes,” Shamus replied “the meat’s in the…uhh...truck.”

“Meat!?” The chef screamed “You barbarian! This ain’t no delivery boy, we were expecting tofu! Let’s get ‘em!”

“Can’t we talk about this?”

“No. Prepare to burn in…Wait, how’s that work?”

Shamus franticly searched in the drawers and cupboards of the kitchen for any weapon he could find, as the imps and demons advanced towards him. All he found was a couple of spoons. The chefs seemed unfazed as he threw them at them. “Oh come on!” Shamus exclaimed. He checked the fridge for something to fight them back with, mentally noting that it was taking forever for them to walk a couple steps.

All he found were three sodas. He opened one and starting splashing the demons and imps with it yelling “The power of Christ compels you!” The chefs seemed annoyed at this, but nothing else.

“Hahahaha!” One of the demons said laughing “You watch too many movies boy; that never works! Now then…” The chef pulled out a large steak knife from his apron. ”Let’s finish thi-“

All five chefs fell to the ground, ninja stars in their backs. Inuy stepped to the head demon chef and took the knife from his hand, storing it in her pack for later. “Statement: Ohhhhh! What great fun that was, masterrr! Shall we proceed to finish the rest of ourrr quest for the orb?"

“Okay…But please warn me before you kill someone right in front of me.”

“Response: No."

Shamus walked slowly out of the kitchen, before they continued down the path. Tip-toeing past the devil’s room, Shamus’s heart nearly stopped when the door opened. The devil came out in a bath towel and looked at him. “Ah!” The devil exclaimed “You got the soda!” Satan took the soda from Shamus’s hand “Thanks a lot bud.” The devil reached into his room and pulled out a bag. “Here’s a tip.” He said as he handed the bag to Shamus. “Also, have the day off. Enjoy yourself.”

“Um, thanks mister scary Satan lord of eternal darkness.” Shamus said. “Say, um, where’s the exit? I want to collect souls for you.”

“Really? That’s so nice.” The devil pointed north. “First; you take two lefts, then you take a right, through Disneyland’s California Adventure Park, take another left, and keep going left until you reach Fox’s headquarters, then just go up the stairs.”

“Gee, thanks Satan!”

“No problem.”

Shamus quickly ran down the path. And after a few hours of torment through the DCA Park, he was close to the stairs. “We are almost there!” He said excitedly to Inuy; now back to her normal self. “Pass me the steak knife, there will probably be guards.”

Inuy handed Shamus the knife and said “Don’t you want to go back and get your equipment, your helmet, your bow, your gun, the ORB?”

“Those aren’t useful to me if I’m dead you moron.”

Shamus turned around the corner to see the greatest horror imaginable guarding the door; the enraged cow.
“Oh…good…Jick.” Shamus said “We’re screwed.”

Inuy turned and looked at the stairs. “What?” She asked “It’s just a cow.”

“Do YOU have a barbed-wire fence? Huh? Do you? Because I sure don’t!”

“Geesh, I’ll take care of the stupid cow if you’re too scared to.”

“No, Inuy! Don’t! You have so much to live for!” Shamus yelled at Inuy as she walked towards the cow.

The cow mooed threateningly at Inuy as she approached. Inuy suddenly pulled a hypodermic and swallowed it. Shrinking, and sprouting tiny wings. The cow starting mooing in a way that Shamus could swear sounded like laughing. Inuy vanished out of sight as she flew high above the cow. It was silent for a couple moments, before Inuy came slamming into the cow’s skull, now in the form of a toothsome rock. The cow mooed before falling down the stairs dead. Shamus moved past the cow and up the stairs.

Shamus walked up to Inuy, and fed her a tiny makeup kit. Inuy morphed into a doppelshifter and looked at Shamus. “Well, morphing into different familiars, that’s something I can’t do any time I want” Inuy said, morphing into an astral badger. “Hehehey, Look at me! I’m a badger!”

Shamus grabbed a rock and bashed the lock on the door. And as soon as it swung open, Shamus picked up Inuy and ran out the door. As soon as he was out of hey deze, he slammed the door and put a chair up against it. Shamus collapsed on the ground next to the door, exhausted. After a couple minutes of lying on the ground, he got up to see he was in a basement. He climbed up the ladder with Inuy in his arm, and saw he was Hagnk’s.

Hagnk turned from his work to address Shamus. “Ah, why hello, Tall One! Do you require my services? Cagn I get you anything from storage?” Hagnk gestured downstairs to his storage.

“Um…No, not now. I haven’t ascended yet anyway.” Shamus replied. “I’m a little dazed right now, which way is the clan district?”

Hagnk pointed towards the clan district, and Shamus stumbled that way for a while before sitting on a bench to rest. “Well,” Shamus said to Inuy “that may have been our worst mission ever.”

“Didn’t you just start AiL?”

“Shut up, I’ll never be hired again after this failure gets out!"

“Oh come on,” Inuy replied. “It wasn’t that bad, and besides you got…Uhhh…A bag out of it.”

Shamus suddenly remembered the bag he got as a tip; he grabbed it and opened it to see what was in it. “Let’s see; rock, rock, 20 meat, rock, orb-“ Shamus suddenly lifted an orb shaped object out of the bag. “Inuy! The orb! Bwahahaha! This is great! I’m gonna be rich!”

“Shamus.” Inuy tried to interrupt.

“First I’ll buy new equipment, then I’ll buy a yacht, then I’ll buy-“

“Shamus.” Inuy tried again.

“Then I’ll buy a cat, I’ve always liked cats-“

”SHAMUS!”

“What, you pest? Can’t you see I’m happy to have the or-“

“Shamus, that’s a rock.” Inuy said at last.

Shamus looked at the orb-shaped rock, blinking. Tapping it, as if to reassure himself it was only a rock. Before saying “Oh……..Fiddlesticks…”

( Now that Samus's had his turn, it's time to reunite Catrina and Cattaras with their allies! They're split up another time a bit further in our Mission, but that's later on...

Meanwhile, Shamus's in a bit of of a bind himself.. Is he out of the picture, or no? )