Here it is.. once again, I split the story up between Shamus and Dash/ Catrina, before bringing them together, with a little cameo for the carnival first. Once again, it's endearingly fun to be writing for Shamus on one side of things, and the all out fight on the other side!

It's a mix of hot action and cool humor. Enjoy!

Only a few hours before the carnival was scheduled to start, four of the Kingdom of KOL's finest found themselves locked in a battle against two of the Knob Goblins' deadly Elite Seven! Preparations for the event were starting in town, even as miles away, the battle raged on. Becky Joy, dressed in her best outfit, groomed Zanther Wolf's fur as he sat there, happily basking in the attention. Blahking was hard at work overseeing the stands being set up and the contests being prepared.

Fluffy Hamster was helping in the best way he knew how; napping next to the all you can eat taco stand 'guarding' it. Guacanator was already in town, wondering why he hadn't seen any of his clan mates yet. Ahwell.. there was still plenty of time. They were probably busy working on their own meat car entries. *Snicker*

Little did they yet realize the Muri-Dan, ratlike creatures who plagued several lands, had three of their elite own stalking around Seaside Town, scouting and preparing to make trouble...

And much did Dash know that he was in a serious trouble, some miles away!

The battle was desperate. Grillhamo had shown up for backup for the Jester King of Beasts, and he'd brought that damned panther of his! Catrina rolled aside. She was a lioness herself, albeit one in a female human shaped form. Either were powerful, deadly entities.

Catrina's mind was a blur, and her body was almost on auto pilot as she fought Grillhamo. The two fought it out, with Catrina regaining that unnatural speed and strength from before. Meanwhile, Dash and Katherine had managed to isolate the wizard who was creating objects out of nowhere. He was panicked, which only made him the more dangerous, using his Scribblewand, as Dash would later refer to it as, to hurl out object after object. A fish nailed Dash in the forehead even as he ducked underneath a more dangerous seasaw blade. Katherine used her whip to grab a flying chair and sent it to the side. Another flick of her wrist, and she had the object summoner by his! She gave a good yank on the whip, pulling the small Knob Goblin magicmaster through the air, even as the other Knob Goblins rushed to stop her.

 
Nearby... Shamus's own 'epic' battle

 
For varying definitions of the word "epic," of course. As you might recall, Shamus was rolling down the plains, with his meat on his mind and his mind on trying to find Seaside Town. Or maybe his mind was blank as usual.

He didn't yet realize how close he was to Catrina and Dash's fight with the Elite 7. All he knew was, as he rounded over another small hill, riding along on the meatcar built almost entirely by his comma chameleon familiar Inu, a crazy Knob Goblin had thrown himself at Shamus, causing him to lose control of the meat car, which spun out of control wildly!

It veered and twisted before finally spilling its contents out, several dozen feet away. This brings us up to the point where a few Knob Goblins have half surrounded the two. And their meatcar, which's on its side. Shamus was predictably fearless, authoritative, and confrontational.

"Inu!" He yelled, hiding behind his familiar. "Do something useful!"

"Um, help?" she said, nonplussed.

"Inu! Are you trying to get my killed?!"

"Not a bad idea."

"Funny."

"I know."

"Just turn into something useful!" Shamus commanded. "Like a Pikachu or a Sailor Moon!"

"You idiot!" Inu slapped him. "Those are cartoons. They don't exist yet!"

"Lolwut?" One of the Knob Goblins asked.

"I think he's angry," Shamus explained to confused Inu.

"I could go with an angry goat," Inu suggested helpfully.

"No, I don't much like the smell of goats."

"Baby yeti?"

"Baby yetis scare me."

"Babies in general scare you.”

"Good point," Shamus admitted. "How about a Penguin Goodfella?"

"I think that would be... unwise."

"Ragamuffin Imp?"

"I don't know what that is."

"Me neither. It doesn't sound very popular."

"Grr, why you!" With that, she grabbed the first item in the bag. It gave her a mild shock, but she ignored it and gulped it down! Her skin turned instantly black and immediately stabbed Shamus in the ribs.

"OWWW! Stop it!" Shamus whined.

"Can't help it. Stab bat!" Inu turned and attacked the first incoming Knob Goblin.

"Then why were you already doing it all the time?!" Shamus cowered.

"Hush, you!" Inu answered. She stabbed several of the Knob Goblins, who were too confused to understand what was going on, so just stood there. Then she stabbed Shamus, and the Knob Goblins all yelled, "Ahhh, stab bat! Run!"

"You'll never escape me!" angry psychotic Inu yelled as she started chasing them.

Shamus shrugged and walked over to the meat car, giving it a kick! "Stupid meat car, I outta kick your - arrrrrgh!"

Kick your arrrgh?!

Oh, the car nearly fell on top of Shamus. He shouldn't have stood in front of it when he was kicking it violently. He ran for his life, showing a surprisingly spy surprising speed for his supposed slowness. (That’s for you, Spark the talking cat.. That’s for you!) Still, it got him out of the way as the meat car fall right back on all four wheels and stopped.

"Oh, I so smart!" Shamus commented as he got in the car, fiddled around.. and realized it wasn't moving. "Hm... I thought this thing ran on telepathy. Ohwell, if Inu can figure this out, I can figure this out!"

And so he sat....

 
Now to bring the story together!

 
Dash plowed through a couple of Knob Goblins who'd gone to interfere with Katherine's move. The mage crashed to her feet in front of her, but before she could act on that, she had to turn to defend herself with a stiff kick to the oversized Knob Goblin's midsection. Katherine suddenly realized she was in trouble.

She was surrounded, and only a random stroke of luck would save her now. And by goodness, that's exactly what we get!

Just as the Knob Goblins move to attack, several other Goblins, fleeing from something, plow straight into them! The two forces take each other out in a comical Knob Goblin pile. Wait... there's nothing humorous about the smell of several scared and confused Knob Goblins all in a tightly packed hill.

Katherine looked up, wondering who this strange creature was. "Watch out, Dash! It's a stab bat!"

"No, it's not." Dash recognized the new creature. "Inuaustin, the comma chameleon!"

Katherine nailed the Knob Goblin mage in the side of the jaw with a wicked soccer kick, sending it into a not so blissful unconsciousness.

Even Catrina was shaken from her battle dance with the Jester King of Beasts and Grillhamo. (JKotB had joined the fight in a situation that occurred out of our sight, sadly.) She turned, surprised to hear Inu was here. That cost her the advantage over the two Knob Goblin Elite Seven members, allowing for them to regroup.

"Where's Shamus?" Dash asked of Inu.

Inu suddenly turned around. "Where is that idiot, anyway?"

"I just asked that," Dash pointed out.

"Yes, but you neglected to refer to him as an idiot, which is the most important part." Inu turned to one of the Knob Goblins she'd chased here, and barked out an order. "You! With the mohawk dreadlock mullet! Be a good Knob and go fetch us Shamus, would you? He probably can't figure out how to start the engine without me, he's such an idiot!"

To Dash's surprise, the Knob Goblin muttered, and walked off grumbling. Before more could be said, Inu was stabbing Knob Goblins, and Katherine was refocusing Dash's energy on helping Catrina. The fight proved a rough one, with Dash, Inu, Katherine and Catrina all focused on the Jester King of Beasts and Grillhamo, but still having to fight off two of the Elite Seven, plus Grillhamo's trained and deadly black panther, while still dealing with the Knob Goblins.

They hardly noticed moments later when the meat car pulled up, with the Knob Goblin driving and Shamus XTreme mumbling bitterly to himself as he sat on the passenger's side. Shamus got out, thanked the Knob Goblin who drove him over, tipped him, and immediately started brawling with him over it.

"Just a little more, just a little more," the Jester King of Beasts mumbled to himself, keeping up the attack.

Catrina gave no indication she heard him, slicing through with her katana. Of course, what would have been a lethal blow to most, goes right through the suddenly insubstantial body of the Jester King of Beasts. Rushing forward, Grillhamo tried to slam a fist into her gut. She parried, slicing at the head of the Knob Goblin Elite Guards. The armor blocked it. He grabbed her throat, choking her. She immediately started kicking and thrashing about, forcing him to break his grip.

Dash and Katherine had engaged the Jester King of Beasts, with Shamus and Inu arguing over.. something, we can't really tell what. Catrina felt a sensation in her mind and soul. Like a knife pushing.. a voice talking to her. She felt herself fighting harder, getting stronger.. the power was intoxicating as she grabbed the Knight's wrists and dug her paws in. She heard him scream as her paws started to dig into his gauntlets, but he sounded so distant. She hurled him to the side, and turned to attack the Jester King, who was reeling after a lucky shot by .. Catrina wasn't sure who'd gotten the shot in. She vaguely became aware of the darkness seeping into the edge of her vision when she turned and nailed another figure behind her.

Goddess, no!

She'd nailed Katherine! The Knob Goblins were pulling back, retreating, yet something had kept her pushing on, fighting... She turned to see Dash and Inu rushing towards Katherine, with Shamus cowering in fear of.. aw hell who knows?!

The look in Dash's eyes when he glared over her, confused and afraid, was a soul crusher... The Knob Goblins were retreating. It didn't make sense in Catrina's mind. Why would they run when they had the advantage? What logic was there to it...

She glanced down, confused, and saw the mallet suddenly materialize in her hand. She tried to drop the cursed weapon, but her fingers refused to unclench. . .

Up next.. the “Meat Car Mission” Finale!