While some mission finale sets might read more epic than this one, I'll remember this one for - thanks due plenty of help- being one we turned out much quicker than usual. It really is closer to the how I'd ideally run AIL more often.

Overall, the battle scenes also stand out for me as having some really exceptional moments. However, most of the roleplayers don't get their 'reward' until this third part. Thankfully, it goes all out to deliver a solid ending.

 
Two solid endings, actually.

 
Whitey's Grove, Distant Woods, Kingdom of Loathing
By Dash

 
It's a dangerous area of the Kingdom of Loathing, with albino versions of snakes, spiders, tigers, and an assortment of other predatorily animals.

"Careful, ladies," Katalia warned her six travelling companions. "After all that effort for a successful escape, I don't intend for us to lose our own to something as mundane as a white snake's poison or an overly aggressive albino orc's blade."

Katalia, being older than the others, had taken natural command of the group of princesses much the same way she often did in her home, the Unified Kingdom of Paragon. Zeala's wisdom made a natural counterpart to that, and her magics, enhanced by her bracelet, made her to 'go to' mage of the team.

"Just keep us going in the right direction," Zeala said to their newest travelling companion, Fahari, who simply nodded in response. Fahari, an ebony Feline, had come upon the princesses shortly after the princesses' second escape and proved valuable to protecting them on their flee for freedom. She simply nodded in response. "This course should get us to safety quickly."

"Then we had better hasten our pace," Princess Ri'kona said. She'd travelled through the Kingdom of Loathing as an adventurer, travelling with the likes of Sebastian Dash and Catrina Whiteclaw, before being summoned back to her Roxzan homelands late one night. During her time in the Kingdom, she'd switched to using the name Riko, but now that she was here as a princess, she'd gone back to her original name. Princess Ri'kona. "I can hear rustling and hacking of the woods from far behind us; I suspect we're being trailed."

"It might be nothing," Zeala said. Hailing from the Albano section of Adrule, she ruled over a large kingdom of her own - and was quite used to being on the run from would-be kidnappers. She was known for keeping a level head. "But we should act as if it's a potential threat for the time being."

A few of the other princesses, namely the mischievous Joy and the daring and sexy Delightee were less familiar to leadership roles. Despite their royal lives, every princess had at least a passing familiarity with some form of self defense.

"I can hear them in the distance," Fahari warned. "I don't think they know our exact location."

"Then we had best be careful not to alert them," said Zeala.

They continued forward for several minutes.

"Have we lost them?" Joy finally asked softly, not wanting to be the one to draw the enemy's attention.

"I don't hear them, but.." Fahari suddenly sniffed, catching scent of something sinister. "Watch out, they're clo-"

Before she could finish the thought, a figure flew from a nearby tree, taking her down. A blur, the others only identified it after it had engaged Fahari in battle, dropping her easily thanks in part to the element of surprise.

The genetically altered psychotic ex Soldier stood up, flashing a twisted, distorted grin at the others. "You don't think I've ever hunted a prey with enhanced scent tracking abilities? Fools! There's nowhere to hide from me."

A new voice called out from behind the ex Soldier.

"Then I guess we'll just have to kick your butts and take your princesses."

The ex Soldier spun around, shocked to have someone get the drop on him.

"Brutus, tear them apart, would you?" Sir Fumblies called out, with Cattaras and Becky Joy standing behind him, amidst several of Fumblies's Knob Goblins! Becky bounced with anticipation and pulled out her toy yeti while Cattaras let out a growl and prepared to attack the closest major threat. He suddenly spun around.

"Careful," Cattaras warned. "These idiots are trying to flank us."

"Well, then, show them what happens when you corner a lion," Fumblies said with a smile.

"Tiger!" Cattaras corrected.

"Whatever." Fumblies focused on the ex Soldier. "Becky, help him out. I've got this one."

"Yay, we're being organized!" Becky said, hugging Cattaras.

"Business time, little one," Cattaras said, unable to help but smiling just a little.

"Hey, who's the moron?" the rat haired thug said, pointing and laughing at Becky.

"You are, for messing with us!" she said as she turned angry and blasted him with a bright blue bolt of ice!

"I'm not sure who you are, but if you're on our side, then we thank you," said Zeala as Riko looked at Cattaras, unsure of the big cat's intentions.

"We don't have time for this. Destroy them!" ordered the psychotic ex Soldier. Along with his most trusted soldier, there were three others who formed a coalition of leaders for the princess kidnapping operation. A talking, walking panda, a rat haired human, and a dangerous and drunk looking middle aged former college frat orc.

Cattaras let out a deafening roar, and jumped high in the air to pounce the ex Soldier, only to be cut off by a paddle which smashed into Cattaras mid air, sending him crashing into a nearby tree! Becky fired ice at the college frat, but the rat haired punk jumped at her from behind, ducking down and knocking poor Becky Joy off her feet with a low sweeping kick. She landed on her back and let out a sniffle, a tear forming in her eye. She got mad, rolling to the side to avoid the panda's attempt to sit on her.

Cattaras tried to find his bearings, but instead found himself assaulted by a barrage of shots from both the paddle wielding buffoon and the ex Soldier's minion's sword, which cut Cattaras quick and deep, with only his thick tiger-like fur saving him from serious injury or worse. The big cat roared in pain as Becky cried out in sympathy, avoiding attacks from both the panda and rat haired freak.

Becky stood up, and got shoulder blocked down hard by the panda, who smiled at her. "You're not very tough, are you, little girl?"

"I thought you were really cuddly, but you're just mean and we don't like that!" Becky yelled out. "So we're gonna do somethin' about it!"

"'We?' The rat haired one snarled at her derisively. "I don't think your big cat buddy is in any shape to help you, little brat."

"Didn't mean him." Becky said with a glint in her eyes. She let out a shrill whistle. On cue, her four Knob Goblins- Red, Red's brother Green, Darson, and Goblina jumped out and ambushed the rat haired one from behind, pounding him down. The panda stood shocked for a second, and then moved to help, but Becky blasted him with a powerful ice bolt that sent him slamming into a nearby tree. Becky then fired a second ice bolt which left the Panda covered from head to neck in ice. Becky giggled. "Guess he gotta go into hibernation."

The fight had taken Cattaras further away from Becky as he dodged the attacks of both the ex frat boy turned business-rogue and the psychotic ex Soldier's minion. Suddenly, Cattaras turned, his back to a large rock, as he realized he had been flanked by the two. He let out a menacing growl.

"Hey, this one's got spirit," the ex frat boy said, throwing a flaming hot Knob sausage (with poison tipped needles on either side; Cattaras's sensitive nose could pick that up). Cattaras barely dodged as the ex frat jerk continued to run his fat mouth. "He'd be a good sell for those slavor traders down south."

Cattaras's ears perked a little. "Slavor traders? The ones from south of Aldara?"

"Ah, yes, then you know what you're in for," the middle aged ex frat boy said, twirling his paddle.

"I do." Cattaras then pounced him, swatting the paddle aside effortlessly. "You don't."

Cattaras proceeded to deliver a brutal beatdown. Their screams drew Becky's attention as soon as she finished with her own problems, so she tracked down Cattaras. The badly wounded ex Soldier's minion and ex Frat orc took the opportunity to flee for their lives when Cattras's attention turned towards Becky. Meanwhile, Sir Fumblies had gotten the biggest challenge of the three. The two stared each other down as the battles around them began.

"Stand down now and I'll grant you an easy death," promised the psychotic ex Soldier.

Without any indication he'd been preparing a spell, Fumblies responded with a powerful flame spell that singed the ex Soldier even as he nimbly dodged. He continued his momentum, swinging an oversized sword (probably thicker than his own torso and a good seven feet long) at Fumblies, who simply fell back and tumbled over a pebble, luckily avoiding the attack. As he landed on his rump, he blasted the Soldier with another magic spell, this one pure energy. The psychotic ex Soldier blocked it with that overbearing oversized sword of his.

Fumblies went for another spell but quickly found himself on the defense, rolling wildly to avoid the sword taking his head off.. assuming such a thick sword could actually cut. Fortunately, Brutus was quick to step in, flanked by the necromancer and half a dozen Knob Goblins. They quickly swarmed the belligerent psychotic ex Soldier who fought them off one by one, standing face to face with only the aptly named brute and the necromancer, who'd summoned up the corpses of several distant woods enemies to serve as his army.

"After seeing how I destroyed your allies, you'd still stand against me?!" demanded the ex Soldier, with a confident smile on his face. A smile quickly removed as Sir Fumblies blasted the genetically altered soldier from behind with powerful magic. The ex Soldier collapsed to one knee, before stumbling off. Fumblies stopped the others from pursuing him. "Nice distraction, but forget him. He's unimportant now. We need to finish this task as soon as possible."

With that, Fumblies gathered the princesses, who were tending to the fallen Fahari, rounded up Becky and Cattaras, and lead the group north to Seaside Town, hoping against hope he'd run into the princess he was actually interested in 'saving..'

 
The other half of our story - the abandoned Knob Goblin mines
By Dash and Konall
Assistance by Catrina- ergo, slight language warning

 
Kadlin Bearsmasher, Todd Blackpaws, Sebastian Dash, Lapine and Ozymandias "Ozzie" Whelk, and three requisitioned mages, came to halt in their journey through the maze of the goblin mines, having left leaving Aleena and Konall to engage in some- look, let's not go there right now okay? But their journey had just been brought to a halt by the spirits of perished miners.

As the others made some 'humorous' small talk, Kadlin was busy chanting words of power, filling the cavern with tentacles of stench. A foul odor spread through the cramped corridors, one that would be incredibly effective against both the undead and canaries.

Todd covered his nose, flinching and retching. "By the gods bitch, warn a guy!" Near him Lapine was turning green.

Kadlin scoffed, "Shut up, collateral damage."

"Have at thee, foul vermin!" yelled Eric the Battlemage, charging forward, axe in hand, and slamming it into the closest miner. "You would do well to fear the mighty Eric."

It had little effect, however.

"Oh my, oh dear, Mr.. Eric?" Ozzie said, staying away from the fight for the moment. "I fear that.. I mean to say that.. I think I read once... I mean I know for sure I read this. I've quite the memory for facts. Physical damage is.. well.. not very damaging to a ghost. An ethereal spirit, if you will."

"Magic and elemental damage," said Kadlin. "Stench and fire work best."

Dash searched his pockets for something to get an advantage. "Kadlin, Ozzie. Is there any way you can come up with to get us through without a fight?"

"Er.. I could um.. request a restraining order.." Ozzie offered, quite uselessly. "I doubt it would do much for ghosts, though. Or any other threat, for that matter.. nevermind."

Kadlin thought. "I know a ritual. I haven't performed it in ages. It's a Viking funeral rite. It might put them to rest. But it will take time."

"Then we'd better offer up a distraction," Dash answered, throwing a rather putrid piece of flash paper at the nearest ghost, using his innate magic to lit it on fire as he did. That was enough to stagger the ghost. Another immediately swung a pick axe at Dash who backed away quickly, deftly avoiding the attacks. Linda the Stealthmage sneaked up from behind it, however, and impaled it with a knife infused with the magics of stench and heat. It fell to the ground in agony, far from defeated.

One got too close to Todd, but Ozzie snuck up behind it and smashed it over the head with a pottery vase. "Oh dear.. how did this vase get here?"

Todd whirled hearing the sound of pottery against ghost- then reeled as the stench hit his already bruised nose. "Sh- Did you have to find the chamber pot for that, man?"

Kadlin pulled out a ceremonial dagger and slit one wrist, allowing a single drop of blood to hit the ground. "Hel, goddess of death, mistress of the underworld, I beseech you to come and call these souls to your home. Their lives have been honorable. Leave them not in our midst, to wander the caves endlessly, but take them to the world beyond."

Dash backed another one of them against the wall and connected with a shot from his broadsword. Unsurprisingly given their resistance to physical attacks, it did little damage. It was, however, the perfect setup for Lapine to blast it with a burst of cold air.

"Try something sleazy or heat related!" Dash suggested.

"Oh yeah.." Lapine pulled a sleaze grenade out- but was shoved from behind by another ghostly miner, causing her to stumble forward. She almost dropped it but was able to hurl it at the ghost.

Meanwhile, Kadlin threw off her cloak, revealing the sorceress' garb beneath. She began dancing, a sort of moving trance. Her words became sharp, and random, not speaking any language the others recognized. She opened her eyes only once, revealing two orbs glowing with frosty light. Her breath was visible with the chilling air she breathed out. Drops of blood flew from her wrist into the walls, floor, even the ceiling as she twirled and writhed.

Meanwhile, Eric parlayed the ghostly tentacle attacked and fired back with powerful bolts of lightning. "Getting kind of chilly in here," Lapine said, lighting a ghost on fire. "Ahh, much better."

"Oh my," Ozymandias turned away from the scene of the miner running around on fire and obviously suffering from it.

"Cruel," said Eric, lighting another on fire with his magic. "But effective."

Suddenly the ghosts started giving off a putrid, sleazy smell. The fire dampened. Lapine tried another fire spell, but the strange gas kept it from igniting. "Awww."

Kadlin stopped suddenly. While she had been shouting in an incomprehensible language, she was now silent. The temperature in the room dropped by ten degrees. Around the sorceress, the image of a queen of unparalleled beauty appeared. It was a sort of aura, transparent, but there was no mistaking it for a ghost. "WHY DO YOU PERSIST IN THE REALM OF MORTALS?" Kadlin stretched out her hand. "YOU ARE MINE. FOLLOW ME TO THE REALM BEYOND." Some of the ghosts stepped toward Kadlin, vanishing. A few stepped back in fear. "DAMN YOU." It wasn't swearing, it was a command. Black, spectral wolves appeared, with silver fangs. They dragged the remaining ghosts toward Kadlin and both ghosts and wolves. Kadlin shook her head and her voice returned to normal. "I hate funerals."

"Where now?" Dash simply asks, knowing the real fight was still ahead.

"Home?" asked Ozzie hopefully. "Oh dear no. We've still two princesses to rescue or.. Miss Kadlin, ma'am? Did your Feline Empire per chance kidnap more than the two, if I might ask?"

Kadlin held up a single finger, "Hold up a minute. Religious rituals like that are a thousand times as exhausting as magic. Possession by a goddess, not fun."

Elsewhere, in a darker, smellier, more depressing part of the caves, two princesses were bound, hoping against all odds for a second rescue. Aware of the dangers of letting them plot together, Jester King of Beasts had divided the princesses up into separate cells, and convinced the dangerous and daunting Black Paladin to stand watch over them, now joined by the Jester King of Beasts. With a demented grin, he summoned the demented demon, Dios to his side.

"Prepare the house for guests!" he demanded in that twisted psychotic voice of his. "We'll give 'em a time they'll remember for the rest of their lives.. as short as those lives are."

Dios glared at Jester King of Beasts. "This isn't worth another fight. We should simply cut our losses."

"Too late!" called out the voice of a stealth mage. Linda the Stealthmage appeared behind Jester King of Beasts and dropped him with a critical hit. "The fight's already here. The only thing we'll be cutting is you- open!"

"Die!" Dios yelled. The Paladin nodded in agreement as the two surrounded the stealth mage.. who quickly turned invisible as two new figures appeared. More specifically, Darren teleported both himself and Sebastian Dash into the scene.

"I knew you'd say that," Darren said with a smile, before teleporting out of view, only to reappear with Todd Blackpaws, who immediately began strumming a malicious musical masterpiece aimed at Dios and the Paladin, designed to take them off guard.

"Hit them fast and often!" Dash commanded, knowing the full danger of the demon and the Paladin. Dash rushed at the demon and kept him off guard with a flurry of swipes from Dash's longsword, forcing the surprised demon back. Anger welled inside the demon.. which didn't bode well for the demon at all, as it weakened him considerably.

Kadlin came up behind Dios and sliced his hamstring with her glaive. "I've watched you fight, demon. You're all offense, no defense." She twirled the glaive and hit him with the butt. "You hope to pummel your foes to death before they can fight back." The demon tried to defend, but it was weakened, taking a stab wound from the glaive. "Doesn't work on my brother, though. That man can take beating after beating and keep going, dishing it out the whole time. He crushed you." Kadlin backed up and prepared to deliver the final impaling. "Time to finish the job." The area was filled with a loud crack as Kadlin's glaive broke right through the center of Dios' breastbone. As if caught in death throes, the demon roared and let out a burst of fire, somewhere between a shield and an explosion. Kadlin threw up a split-second shield to protect her and Dash, but it wasn't enough; she collapsed from heat exhaustion. Dash, not faring much better, leaped at the demon, ready to finish it off for good.. but it vanished at the last second; Dash's longsword found nothing but the mine's floor.

Black Paladin had no opportunity to help; he had his own problems. Ozymandias Whelk stood behind both Todd and his three requisitioned mages- the teleporting clairvoyant, the stealth mage, and the battlemage. "He looks tough; we're gonna have to work together on this one."

"Uhhuh," Todd said, amused despite the situation. "And what'll your role be in this fight?"

"Uhm, um.." Ozzie said, stumbling over his words. "Supervising, sir?"

"Thought so." With that, Todd blasted the Black Paladin with a stream of saucy song, hoping to score a little hot sleaze damage. The black armored for backed up, showing little effect. "Oh. Right. He's wearing one big magic dampener."

"That not be good," said Eric. "We bein' mages and all." He switched to his weapon of choice, a short sword, as they dodged and countered the Paladin's attacks. The Paladin pulled out a sword and steadied his shield. His fighting posture seemed unshaken by the fact that he had been forced to go without his steed in these narrow corridors. When Darren got too close, the Paladin quickly swung at him with deadly force, but Darren was able to teleport behind the Paladin and nail him with a blast from a wizard's wand. "I'm starting to run low on my daily use of teleports, Mr. Whelk."

Meanwhile, Todd played a melody to boost Eric's offensive magic, and Eric fired a blast of fire at the Paladin. The blast had to have left burns, even through the armor's wards, but the paladin ignored it as he turned and aimed a quick blind swing at the mage. As if sensing it, the mage fell back, but the blow still took him off his feet. The knight threw his sword like a javelin, hitting the downed mage, and then quickly drew a mace from his belt, rushing to finish the job. Todd sighed, then swung both his ukulele and guitar low, tripping up the Black Paladin, who quickly forced his way to his feet. Seeing the ukulele survived the impact with the Paladin's legs (probably due to it's steel casing), Todd picked it up and played / sang an all encompassing assonance of allurement, boosting the magic of those around him. They then pounded down the Paladin, as all three blasted him with one magic after another. Ozzie even used a cup of infinite pencils which he'd found laying on the way in.

The Jester King of Beasts turned and dashed down the hall a bit, with the heroes quick to pursue him. He suddenly stopped in the middle of three cells.

With a laugh that might remind you of waves of blood crashing into the shores, he glared at the cells. "For all the worthless fighting, you've already failed. Two of your princesses are secure, with another cell ready for your dainty little elven traitor when she shows up.. The princesses are safe from your meddling. Safe and secure in.."

The Jester King turned, oddly confused, then lit his hand on fire via a spell sheet, using it up in the process. All three cages were empty, to his obvious surprise.

"What.. how did.. impossible. IMPOSSIBLE!!"

Ahh, if only he'd been conscious to see it...

 
Previously...

 
Aleena stumbled down the mine corridors, knees still weak from previous horizontal recreation. She was coming closer to the sound of a fight, so her friends had to be somewhere around her. A flaming ghost passed in front of her and passed into the next world. Close indeed.

She saw a couple forms lying in the darkness ahead of her. The suit's sensors helped feed her vision; they were female, and caged, and gagged. She broke through the cage easily, and took off the gags first. "Who are you?"

"My name is Jen Pi, said the one. The goblin and I are captured princesses. Can you help us? Wait.. Aleena? Is that you?"

"Oh! Didn't recognize you in the dark. Hold on a second." said Aleena. As she untied them, she looked out into the chaos. Kadlin was impaling Dios while it seemed like some of the others were attacking the paladin. Aleena didn't know their conflicts in depth, but they must have been serious if everyone had thrown themselves so far into the fighting they forgot what they were fighting for.

With the princesses freed, Aleena began leading them down the corridor, leading the way out.. but only after she'd left behind a couple of surprises for their captor.

Present

"Okay," Jester King said, suddenly calmer, approaching the cage he knew he'd left Lady Goblin in earlier. "Maybe they're .. hiding. Trembling in fear of my magnificent glory. It's okay, princesses. Come out and see your.."

The Jester King suddenly found himself ensnared in a trap Aleena had left moments earlier.. a snare which took him clean off his feet! He found himself upside down, to the amusement of Dash, Todd, Ozzie and the others. He phased through, falling on the ground, only to recover and back away.. he then found himself activating the next trap; Before he could fade away, several rocks came free of the hastily constructed support and tumbled on the Jester King of Beasts, nearly crushing him.

"Paladin, I ORDER YOU TO DESTROY THEM! DESTROY, I SAY!"

But the Paladin, worn from the fight and now the embarrassment of it all, turned and left, shaking his head.

"Oh, screw it, keep your princesses," the Jester King said, before he faded away through solid rock. The sound of his voice echo'ed throughout the caves, convincing no one. "I didn't want them, anyway."

"Well, then," Ozzie said, rather shaken. "I guess we'd better watch out for any other traps.. er potential traps.. and find out where the princesses have gotten to.. and with who.. er.. with whom.. sirs.. and ma'ams."

This was where Kadlin parted ways with the heroes. After tending the wounded, it wasn't terribly long before Dash, Ozzie and the others caught up with Aleena and the princesses. They quickly made their way to town, where the Nice Sorceress, along with the rest of the Council of Loathing, greeted them at the gate. They rushed them to the new and improved, bigger and better Council of Loathing dome, where they were soon joined by Sir Fumblies, Becky Joy, Cattaras Whiteclaw and the six princesses. Long discussions were held, and questions were asked of the eight princesses, the otherworldly elf, the ferocious KOKOL seal clubber, the furry bard, the "Dashing Rogue," the rabbit healer, the accountant and his 3 'borrowed' mages, the hyperactive ice mistress, and Catrina's once estranged brother, as Fahari, still unconscious, was taken to a nearby temple to recover.

Although the others saved more princesses, they were most impressed by Aleena's resilience in overcoming the effects of a slave crown, and Ozzie's willingness to use bureaucracy for noble purposes in allocating the three mages to help his efforts. Mostly, they were impressed by Aleena's skin tight outfit.. at least, the male members of the Council. It was also made very clear Dios was considered the definite hot new threat of the Kingdom. Ooooh scary!

Nearly as impressive was Dash's heroic bravery. Fumblies's impressed them as well, although his attitude significantly lowered his standing in their eyes. Other than Cattaras and Becky, none of the others seemed to impress them much at all. Why, in very fact, only Konall and Todd got any mention of the others at all!

However, when it was all said and done, it was Jen Pi who'd gotten the most interesting information out of any of them.. as we'll be seeing in the very next mission... Return of the Dashing Rogue..

As you can see, this is one of the few times I end the story with a direct- although vague and mysterious- hint of the next mission.

At the very least, I mention the title of the next mission, which we end up using, thankfully!

I hope you enjoyed rereading the rescue of the princesses, and a very special thank you to my artist friend for doing the logo, which I had a good deal of fun using for the decor for this page!