Short, he says. Not that short, thankfully!
     There's two Shamus bits and both went up early in this rather long roleplay period. Shamus might be at his funniest when the world's beating down on him, and there is plenty of that here. I'm personally partial to pieces he shows some skill. Not much of that here, but the piece fits his style even more because of it, somehow.

He runs a good gambit of Seaside Town NPC's from the proper KOL game, though. If you can't figure out which quest he's going for in the title, it's quickly established in the first few lines.

“So,” Shamus’s pet chameleon Inu started to ask, as they walked away from the council chamber after a very strange meeting “which mindless task are we doing?”

“I’ve been meaning to get a car for awhile,” Shamus replied “and I’m afraid of strong people who will hit me, my money getting stolen, and magic.”

“You’re afraid of magic?”

“The lights…They scare Shamus…”

Inuy sighed, “Well how do you propose we build this car?”

“Oh I don’t know, we could make some wooden wheels, and nail them to a board.” Shamus replied happily, thinking he out-smarted the familiar.

“And the wheels would move how?” Inuy asked, as they turned a corner into the market place.

Shamus stopped in place. “That’s a good point…Do you think Dash would know?”

“I think Dash would kill you if you ask him another stupid question.” Inuya said, as they continued their walking.

“We could always ask the bugbears, I bet they know how to build cars!” Shamus said, as he picked up the pace.

“How does that remotely make se-” Inu was interrupted by Shamus grabbing her and running full throttle towards the bakery.

“Wait! They’ll beat the tar out of us if we aren’t bugbears!” Inu screamed as they approached the door “At least but on that awful bugbear box outfit you made!”

Shamus burst into the bakery, there were glass shelves with various pies and cakes, and on the walls there were small hooks with utensils. There was pleasant berry smelling aroma, and a little sign that said: “Bugbears; don’t let bugbears be humans” He didn’t understand what that meant, and he didn’t understand why the bugbears were picking up rolling pins, and clubs, and walking towards him.

“What do YOU want, filthy human!?” One of the bugbears spat out.

“Oh, I was wondering if-” Shamus began.

“We could break your legs?! Okay!” One of the bugbears yelled, as he bashed Shamus’s kneecaps with an unrolling pin.

“Ow! What was that fo-” Shamus was interrupted, as they the bugbears swarmed him; hitting them in any place they could find. “Gah! Not my ribs, I need those!” He yelled, as everything went darker, darker, darker, until it went black.

Shamus felt a slight kicking in his, probably broken, ribs; he really needed to start working out. “Owwww, if that’s Inu I swear I’ll-” Shamus opened his eyes slowly, seeing a bunch of orc-hobos, rummaging through his stuff. “Hey! What are you doing! Get away from my bag-” Shamus began, before a hobo pulled a taser, and shot him in the chest.

“GAH! How’d you even get a taser!?” Shamus reached for the crossbow on his back, to find that it wasn’t there again. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

The orc-hobos, seeing that their super secret taser technique hadn’t worked, started surrounding Shamus. He reached quickly into his pocket, thinking he would pull out a knife, but only pulling out his wallet.

“Errr- Catch!” He yelled, as he threw the wallet into a nearby sewer grate. The hobos rushed after it, unhinged the grate, and jumped into the sewer to try and get it before it washed too far away.

Shamus looked around, he was in the sleazy black alley, but he guessed that much from the hobos. With a lot of work, he managed to get to his feet. Picking up his bag, he started walking in a random direction, like every good hero.

“That was pitiful!” A voice from a nearby dumpster yelled. Shamus walked to it, and opened it up. Inuya popped out of the filth, looking relatively well, considering they were beaten half to death by creepy little bugbears. “Maybe next time you could throw your life savings in the sewer!”

“Errr, that’s where I kept my life savings…” Shamus said, as he picked Inuy out of the place where the hobos probably sleep.

“…I hate you.”

“Well where were YOU? You looked pretty comfortable in that dumpster. Too busy sleeping to help your old friend Shamus?”

“I hid there, after I saw one of them had a taser.” Inuy said, as she jumped down from Shamus’s arms and began scurrying on her own.

“Oh, that wasn’t important info to tell me-“

“Shhh!” Inuya whispered “Do you hear that?”

“Hear wha-” Shamus stopped as he saw a giant spider web. “Wh- What’s that?”

Inuya didn’t reply, and kept listening. She heard a quick tap, tap, tap; like an insect moving, only giant. “I think we should leave now-” She turned around to see the hobos had come back, only covered in gold jewelry, and diamonds.

“He- Hey Inu, what should we do?” The hobos had spotted them, and had pulled out their various gold-plated weapons.

Inu turned around, and a saw a giant spider moving towards them. Thinking fast; she jumped back into the dumpster.

“Coward!” Shamus yelled out. The hobos, or, wealthy people who happen to live in dumpsters, started firing warning shots towards his feet. And the spider just looked hungry. Shamus reached into his other pocket, and found only a handful of meat, instead of his knife.

“Well,” He started “it worked five minutes ago!” He yelled as he threw the meat in a random direction, only this time; the hobos caught it before it could fall into any grates.

The spider, seeing the meat, darted towards the hobos. Scared, some began to run, while other started shooting, and throwing rocks at it. It jumped on the nearest one, started biting the air, and then started to lower its mouth. And that’s when Shamus ran screaming.

After running for about ten minute, and when he stopped hearing hobo spider fights, he rested against a nearby graffiti filled wall. Shamus looked around, he was out of that giant alley now; he was near the bounty hunter hunter’s shack.

“Bravo, oh brave one.” Inuya said, with a look of disgust, as she scurried next to Shamus.

“What? You jumped into a dumpst-“

“We all did things; the important part is: it’s in the past.” Inuy said, cutting him off. “So what do we do now, brave Sir Robin?”

“I’m just going to go with my original plan, and make a wheel board thing-” Shamus started, before a strange, suspicious, man grabbed his shoulder.

“Hey buddy, want some goofballs?” The very suspicious looking man that appeared behind a tree said.

Shamus jumped up and screamed, before turning around and asking “Wh- What?”

“Goofballs, man, first is free.” The man said, pulling out a container of these ‘Goofballs’.

“Hmmmm, I DO like free stuff.”

“That’s right buddy, so do you want them?” The man started looking nervous, looking back and forth.

“Uhhh, do you need to be somewhere?”

“Not unless the cops come.”

“Those are obviously bad for you, Shamus.” Inu spat out, looking annoyed.

“Ha! Says the familiar that hides when there’s a fight.” Shamus said as he took the container from the man.

“Hey buddy, thanks. Hope you enjo-“

“Say, do you know how do build a meatcar?” Shamus asked, with a look of hope on his face.

“What? Uh, yeah, I guess…For the right price.”

“But, why would I punch you in-between the eyes?" Shamus asked, obviously not expecting a real answer "Catch my drift?”

“Okay buddy, I catch your drift.” The man said, as he pulled out one of the tasers he sells as a side-job, and shot Shamus in the chest. Everything was going, dark, dark, dark…Again.

“Yghhh, my head, what happened?” Shamus said, opening his eyes, he looked around, and saw was at his campsite at the hidden temple. He turned his head around, and found that Inuya was busy tinkering with cogs, and springs.

“Oh, welcome back, moron.” Inu said as she threw a spring aside, and picked up a sprocket.

“What happ-“

“He tased you, beat you half to death with his shoe, and force-fed you some of those goofball things.” Inuya said as she threw a cog to the side, and picked back up a spring.

“Uggggh, I don’t feel so hot.” Shamus looked at his hands; they were shaking.

“Yeah, taking strange pills will do that to ‘ya.” Inuya said as she combined a spring, and a sprocket, somehow.

“What are you doing?”

“Building a meatcar, what does it look like?”

“What? How’d you learn how!?” Shamus yelled as he stumbled groggily towards Inuya’s work pile.

“I asked some guy walking by.” Inuy said, as she picked up an empty meat tank, and started filling it.

“Well, that’s kind of… Lame.” Shamus said, with a look of disappointment on his face.

“Maybe, but at least I didn’t ask demon bears, or drug dealers.” She said, as she put the cap on the now full meat engine “And, I think it should be noted: I can stand correctly, and my ribs aren’t broken.”

Why did she have to remind him of his broken ribs? “Argghhh… Well… I still have my good looks.” Inuya seemed to cringe at this comment. Shamus leaned down, looking over Inuy's shoulder. Chameleons have shoulders, right? “Soooo, how soon until you are done?”

Inuya looked visibly annoyed. Not that that was anything odd, of course. “Well, because you’re awake, how about YOU start working on it?” Inuya got up, and looked at Shamus.

“Uhhh, I’m not so good with tools: last time I used a hammer, I somehow got a nail into my back.”

“Well,” Inuya said as she sat back down, and picked up a tire. “How about you go to your tent, and look at yourself in the mirror?”

“I will…But it’s not because you told me to.” Shamus turned, still shaking from the pills which were probably not pills, and started walking like a drunk towards his tent.

“Oh, Blahking sent a messenger to tell you you’re hosting an event at the KOKOL carnival.” Inuya yelled, as Shamus got into his tent. She heard a loud laugh.

“Tell him: I’ll host an event when I get paid for last mission.” After this, she heard snoring coming from his tent.

“I’ll tell him you said no.” Inuya continued working for a moment, before adding “Jerk.” She then realized: that they didn't have any rims.