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After being informed of the situation by Higgy, Guacanator set out for the WJMC Garage. Guac had pledged his allegiance to the Winking Judge, and it hurt him deep inside if his beloved clan was ruined by some stupid council members and this new booze tax. It was for this reason that Guacanator was determined to build for his guild the most awesome, most absolutely Bitchin’ meatcar that ever exited in the Kingdom. Unfortunately, though, Guacanator had no idea whatsoever how to build a meatcar.
The Bright side was that Guacanator knew someone that could. In the Garage, Guac gathered the needed supplies: tires, some of the Hermit’s rims, springs, sprockets, cogs, and miscellaneous whatnot. He then proceeded to sign out one of the clan’s meat motorcycles. He selected an especially 1337 Meatchopper with a flame paintjob. After gassing up – Err, meating up - the tank, he walked it out to the road, stratled the seat, and headed south to the desert beach.
~ Flashback ~
Long ago, longer than even Higgy can remember, a young, strapping adventurer had journeyed far south to the southern reaches of the Kingdom. This was before tropical vacations, even before there was a border to be south of. At this time, there were no meatcars, no meat motorcycles, not even the incandescent light bulb. Or meat light bulb. Or whatever lights the Kingdom. Anyway, this young adventurer, on his magnificent horse, LightningWind, had traveled far south and discovered a primitive nomad camp. This camp was populated by short, round folk who were at that time known as Knowms. (Historical Note: after the discovery of the letter G, the Knowmish Elder Council Changed their species name to Gnome.) One particularly young and brash Knowm, Gnowland, took a special liking to this Adventurer on his horse. When an ancient Knowm heirloom was stolen, the duo was the first to go try and recover it. Gnowland pledged on his life and honor that he would find this treasure. The two spent 3 months searching far and wide for this priceless treasure.
During that time, the two discovered fabulous riches, acquired ancient knowledge, and rescued many maidens from evil sorcerers. Unfortunately, though, they never found the Knowmish Treasure. When they returned, Gnowland’s clan-family was ashamed of his failure. The young Gnowland was kicked out of the Clan-Family, dishonoring him for all eternity.
Now, Gnowland was one of the most intelligent members of the Knowm Tribe. As but a young boy, he had invented many contraptions that had put his Clan-Family in high esteem, contraptions that still exist even today. But despite all of this, Gnowland could not redeem himself. Even his newest invention, The Mechanical Horse could not make the Knowm Council of Elders forget his horrible mistake.
Seeing this, the young human adventurer felt guilt; he felt responsible for Gnowland’s exile. He had also failed to recover the heirloom. The failure did not fall solely on the shoulders of Gnowland. (Do Knowms even have shoulders?) Determined to help Gnowland, The Adventurer got LightningWind from her stable, patted her ear, and rode into the night, off to find the Knowmish Heirloom.
~End Flashback~
As he rode on his Meatchopper, Guacanator mused over his chances of creating the best meatcar in the kingdom. Higgy had mentioned another clan was trying to impress the council. Guac had looked up that clan and tried to find all he could on it. KOKOL, the Kingdom of Kingdom of Loathing. It was mighty impressive. The members were powerful, and Guacanator was sure they could turn out a great Meatcar. Guacanator Could not, would not, give up hope. His Clan Needed to win. He needed to win. He had to.
When he finally arrived at the beach, Guacanator took a left towards the small nomad camp. After a day of riding, Guac’s back hurt and his Behind Quarters felt like they were about to fall off. A gnome walked up to him.
“Hold it there. You shouldn’t be here. You’re not moxious enough!” It told him.
“Oh, stuff it up your…” Guacanator realized that being gruff would get him nowhere. If he wanted to enter the camp, he’d have to be smooth.
“Look here, um…” Guacanator started
“Hegnery”
“Look here, Hegnery. I know how much you gnomes appreciate a good deal. I would be willing to part with some of my…. *wink* ‘Bacon’ *wink*….”
“Hey, Mister tall one, no need to be cryptic here.”
“O.K. How much?”
“300k.”
Grumbling, Guacanator handed over the bribe meat. In return the Gnome handed him a pass that said in large, black letters, VISITOR. Guacanator Obligingly put it on. Guacanator Headed over to the microbrewery. There he ordered a nice glass of ale. After paying an outrageous price for the drink, he asked the Bartender, “So, do you know where a certain Gnowland lives?”
The Bartender just stared at him.
“Gnowland. Know him?” Guacanator pushed
“Gnowland? Never heard of him.” The bartender replied
“We both know you’re lying.”
“I swear, I don’t know!”
Guac stared at the Bartender for a long, long time.
Then the bartender slowly wrote down the address on a nearby napkin.
A little while later, Guacanator knocked on the door of one of the numerous short huts that Gnomes lived in. Out came a middle aged Gnome.
“Hello. I’m looking for Gnowland.” Guacanator told the gnome, “Is he here?”
The gnome’s face instantly turned to skepticism.
“That depends. Who’s asking?”
“Tell him it’s Thomas Zuak.”
Gnomes lived for a long time. A real long time. The average lifespan of a gnome was around 300 years. There was however, a few lived to be much older. The only living being in the Kingdom, other than Guacanator and the Toot, who remembered a time when there was only 18 letters in the alphabet was said to be a gnome. In fact, the very gnome whose house Guacanator was in now.
Gnowland was lying on his bed, asleep. Guacanator Walked over and gently woke him up.
Gnowland groggily inquired, “Tom, Is that you?”
“Yes, yes it is.”
“Wow. You hardly aged a day, did you? How old were you when I saw you last?”
“Seventeen.”
“How old are you now?”
“Just slightly younger than you, I assume.”
“I’ve finally gone off the deep end, haven’t I?” said Gnowland.
“Nope. I’m really here. I need your help, though.”
Gnowland was able to pull himself out of bed, and once Guacanator explained his situation, Gnowland instantly agreed to help. Gnowland led Guac to his workshop. Guac then proceeded to show Gnowland the supplies he brought.
“Oh, these will never do,” the wrinkled old gnome, said in reference to the parts Guacanator had brought, “They were probably made by those idiot Gnolls. Here, I’ll show you some real parts.”
Gnowland then went over the advanced parts he kept in his back room with Guacanator. After learning of High tension springs, Extra Capacity Meat Tanks, and um… Extra Sprocky Sprockets, Gnowland and Guac sat down and drew up plans for the meatcar. They then sat down and went to work.
After almost six straight hours of welding, tinkering, and tonkering, Guac and Gnowland stood back and admired the almost finished vehicle.
“It’s missing something.” Said Gnowland.
“Agreed,” replied Guacanator.
After a few moments of silence, Guacanator said, “How ‘bout adding a rocket engine?”
“I like how you think, Tom.” Gnowland said with a Chuckle.
After another four hours, the meatcar was finally finished.
“She’s a beauty.” Gnowland commented.
“Absolutely.” Guac said in agreement.
“Just one problem.” Gnowland’s face fell.
“What?” Guacanator was almost afraid to know the problem
“Well, according to my calculations, regular meat stacks aren’t enough to power something this strong. We need more a more powerful fuel.” Gnowland continued, “ How much meat do you have on you?”
“Lets see… only 100k. Some gnome took the rest of it.” Replied Guacanator
“You’ll need every bit of it. The unfortunate part is that you need to find some way to compress it into some type of Hyperdense meatstack.”
“And how will I do that?” Guac said skeptically
“I heard of a meatsmith who was experimenting with supercompressing high amounts of meat. He’s probably at the Brotherhood of Smackdown.”
“Oh great, just what I needed” Guacanator said, reeking of sarcasm.
“You’ll need a disguise, of course. Something about your getup just screams sauceror. Go see Fragnk. He knows about disguises. I’ll call him up.”
To Be Continued.....
Intro pieces are tough but he pulled it off well. I think Guac shines a bit more in his second piece for the mission, however!
There are 15 "roleplay" pieces total in this mission (Plus a Rollover, and Interlude and a 5 Part Finale. So we're just about half way done, numberwise. Still to come, a couple Becky Joy solos, more with Dash and Swift, the debut of Lapine and Todd Blackpaws, and capping it all off, a little Dash and Catrina co write!
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