Here we are at the second to last Finale part, and we're finally up to the point we judge the meat car mission! Isn't it exciting?!

The buildup's been long and intense, and it wasn't exactly AIL's shining moment in terms of gameplay, but the results are impressive. After all this buildup, let's see who snags the meat car mission!

Seaside Town...

 
At great expense to his personal Kingdom, Mtiger, loyal and trusty king of the Kingdom of Loathing clan, had gone all out in his preparations for the KOKOL carnival in celebration of the Council of Loathing.

And lo and behold, though in a kingdom where man once loathed man equally, or so it was claimed, did peace and celebration ring out throughout the small town known only as Seaside Town.

Ahh, Seaside Town. A village of rogues and heroes, drunks and dignitaries. Noblemen and no'do'good'ers, and... well.. you get the point. Problems were starting to develop around town, though.

Becky Joy went over her inventory again, with a big "hmmm!" Zanther Wolf, why he walked right up on all fours, sat by her, brushing up against her and let out a squeak to let her know he wanted to know what was up!

"What do ya think is missing?" Becky asked him. Wolf just shrugged his wings. He was intelligent, but he didn't know. He looked over their stand carefully. Becky had a bit of help and advice from her clannies, and Zanther Wolf had to remind her not to forget and let the pies burn, but she did the majority of cooking all by herself, pretty good even though she's listed as a Turtle Tamer!

"Everybody's gonna like our juice and pies, right?!" Becky asked Zanther hyperactively. But Wolf shook his head 'no.' "Well, is a lotta people gonna like it?" Wolf shook his head yes, and Becky was happy with that answer and gave him a big ole' Wolf hug!

Wolf loved Becky’s hugs. Becky thought out loud. "But yeah.. we got our pies and juice in strawberries, blueberries, blackberries.. and Misters Guards are going to watch it so we can go finish it.. but I don't know what we need!" She looked at Wolf. "You don't know what we need either, huh?"

Wolf just shook his head, but he seemed happy as all daylight with things so far. So the two sat to thinkin!

"Hm.. let's ask our guard friends to keep an eye out so no body steals our berries and juice, and we can walk right on over to the market square and spend our monies!"

Wolf wagged his tail in approval!

 
The Guacanator was at this point in our story a bit confused and dissatisfied with how things were going.

 
The meat car's performance was dropping rapidly. It was barely going eighty miles per hour, which was more than acceptable, especially since the term 'miles per hour' had to specifically be invented to describe how fast this thing could go. But the turning was horrible. Worse than the pacing on the boards. (Sorry.. was that too meta?)

Things started to look up when Gnowland tracked him down to the Typical Tavern to speak to him on the very issue. They spoke first of the old times, and how they'd met several times in bars long gone in the past. They also discussed how strange the youth of today were, and with their ages, 'youth' covered pretty much most if not all of Seaside Town.

"Thigngs sure have chagnged," Gnowland concluded, speaking in his ancient dialect of Agnciegent Lagnguage. It died out due to its stupid name.

Guacanator agreed, but responded in KOLspeak. Which is a lot like English, but more 1337. "So, you heard about the problems I've been having with the meat car?"

"Yes and no." Gnowland returned to the Kingdom's proper speech as well. "I'm not quite sure why the parts are burning out. They seemed to be in accurate condition the last time I ran a test on them, just a good dozen years ago."

"Why that isn't that long ago at all." Guacanator wasn't being sarcastic. People that old must simply have no sense of time or something.

"We'll have to take a look at them after this round of drinks," Gnowland suggested.

Guacanator simply nodded in agreement as he took another sip of the drink...

 
The fighting between Vixen and Lapine had subsided as the two, along with Todd Blackpaws, became more involved in the process of building a meat car. Two, actually. Unfortunately, they'd gotten distracted by the prospect of shopping, drinking, and dancing.

Vixen enjoyed herself on a meat pie as Lapine downed her second cup of Swiller. Todd, meanwhile, was attempting to haggle a better deal for a novelty hood ornament.

"Hmmm," Lapine smiled as she watched him at work, always so cute and proper looking when he haggled. "This's going pretty well."

Vixen nodded and took a bite of Mt McLargeHuge grown carrots. Grown in the frozenest frozen land of the Kingdom. "Yeah, we're half done with the first meat car, and we're at the Tavern. We can't lose."

Tsk, such sarcasm.

"We can work after on our winning meatcar after a few more rounds!" Lapine proudly declared.

"And dessert!" Vixen said, agreeing totally with wasting their time.

"And possibly a tango!" Todd chimed in, bringing cheers from both the bunny gals.

"Pardon me, fine freaks," a voice familiar to us, but not to them, said. Under a fedora stood one of the odder sights seen in the Typical Tavern since, well his last visit, however many scores of years ago that might have been. Leather boots, Steel gauntlets, and a sword complimented the trench coat which he wore over simple jeans and a shirt. The coat itself, however, looked to have more mysteries than Mt. McLargeHuge had snowflakes. "Er, no offense."

"Why, how could we possibly be offended by being referred to as freaks?" Todd asked, hostile and sarcastic, defensive at the very notion.

"I'll tell ya how!" Vixen said, standing up in a challenge. Lapine wisely put a hand on Vixen's green furred shoulder, feeling a bit more generous. "I'm sure he didn't mean any offense, and will watch his words from now on."

"Yes, quite," the stranger answered, a little too quickly. "They call me the Guacanator, or Guacanator, or simply, 'Your greatness.' What is it you strange and wondrous creatures speak of?"

Lapine and Vixen turned to each other, shrugged, and went back to eating and drinking, deciding to let Todd deal with this strange enigma.

"Just a little meat car contest we plan to enter, and win," Todd said, confidence in his voice and swagger in his step.

"Well I wouldn't be too sure of that, young folk!" Guacanator proudly declared. "For I have news which will shock and befuddle you into embarrassment!"

"Uh-huh," Todd answered, nonplussed.

"Shall I speak it?" He teased, fully expecting a wow'ed and captive audience.

"Just get about embarrassing yourself, old man!" Todd answered. Sure, he didn't look old, but his scent, not to mention attitude, made it more than clear to the three hybrid Adventurers.

"No, that's not what I said, I said-!" Guacanator considered blasting the fox with a hot spice geyser for his insolence. "I, too, shall be entering this contest you speak of!"

"Well, I figure we have to have someone to beat," Vixen chimed in.

"So it might as well be you!" Lapine added in as she laughed at Vixen's comment.

"Fools! There's no way you'll be winning that contest!" Guacanator proudly declared.

"He's right, you know?" Another voice chimed in. One we'd recognize as Shamus Xtreme, self-proclaimed "bounty hunter 'extraordinaire'."

"Finally, someone who can see I'll be unbeatable in this contest!" Guacanator proclaimed. Proudly, I might add! "Good job, my man!"

"Actually, no," Shamus answered with a big smile. "I actually plan to win it myself, with the meat car I built with minimal help from Inu!" Shamus looked around, but didn't see Inu. "Inu? INU?!"

"I'm over here you idiot!" She was dancing on stage happily. "I changed into a sleazy fairy gravy to earn some extra meat, remember?"

"You whored out your own familiar for meat?" Vixen asked, sighing. "Real mature."

"Whatever!" Guacanator turned to leave. "I take my leave of you KOKOL fools!" Wait, how'd he know what clan they were in? "But I promise you, as I exit, I will take this victory on behalf of the mighty pub, The Winking Judge!"

"Wait, you..." Todd started to ask, but he turned an about face, and vanished out of the building!

"Man, we better get back to work if we wanna get KOKOL the win here," Lapine stated as Shamus turned to conference with Inu.

"Uhm, yeah, about that," Todd stated, getting both girls' attention. "I think we need to talk."

 
And finally, the event begins!

 
The preliminaries to the events went great!

Mostly.

The orcs had picked another fight with Shamus, and the bugbears were trying to take way too many of Becky Joy's and Zanther Wolf's samples from their berry juice and pie bar, and they didn't much care for that. Catrina showed up in town, alone, not knowing where Dash had taken Katherine after the incident earlier.

For all I know, she's perfectly fine, and he took her to our camp to bed her. But Catrina forced that thought out of her mind. Her Dash wouldn't lie to her like that..... right?

Meanwhile, Blahking was dealing with the guild members who wondered around the display aimlessly. Plus it was Blahking's job to keep things from getting out of order. He also had his own magic ceremony to get ready for, but that would come later.

"Hear ye, hear ye!" a voice cried out, sometime shortly after. "We gather here, around the great fountain of Seaside Town, to call forth the voting for the most Bitchin'est meat car!"

Hobos, dignitaries, and merchants alike gathered with the rest of the odd cast of Seaside Town, The Town by the Sea! King MTiger himself made the announcement, with his traditional accent. The one from that faraway country he comes from. Whatever. "And from forth have gathered many, for which we thank you humbly. Stand proud, Seaside Town, for to the breasts of society do you give the breath of enjoyment!"

Fancy.

"As we prepare for our great feasts, we offer to you the finest foods and wines! Featuring amongst those competing for our contest, of which I shall speak of in six breath's time, our humble Kingdom of KOL's Becky Joy and her trusted wolven companion, Zanther Wolf, bring to one and all, a celebration of berry, both pies and juice alike!"

"I'm Becky Joy and I like that!" An infectious voice cried out from the crowd, accompanied by a wolf's cry of approval.

"Heh, so you do," Mtiger responded warmly. The crowd let out a collective polite chuckle. "Beyond this attraction, our very own Prince Blahking shall be performing an act of amazing mystical skills!"

He gestured to the nearby Prince, also on stage. Prince Blahking simply looked up from the table, gave a fancy prince like wave, and went back to studying whatever the ledger in front of him was.

"We also expect that news shall reach of our gallant nobles, Sebastian Dash and Catrina Whiteclaw, of their noble pursuit of justice in the South Degrassi region. But first, let us carry forth with the meat car competition! Come forth, honored judges, and speak thy names so that we may hear your words and heed your judgment."

That caused a little confusion, since no one was quite sure exactly what King MTiger had said at first. Then they realized he wanted the judges to come forth! And forth, did they come.

Thifty, the Thief Chief snuck up onto the stage from behind. Gunther, Lord of the Smackdown, strutted in from the side and started flexing, while Gorgonzola, the Chief Chef descended from above, suspended only by ropes made of dry noodles, scrumptious reagents and magic.

Almost as soon as they got on the platform, they were arguing and bickering with each other as MTiger tried to maintain control. After some effort, he finally got them calmed down, so he could introduce the master ceremonies of the event, Roger Kenny, the Roastmaster!

Odd.

"Alright," he started without preamble. "Once upon a time, it was right now."

"Didn't you tell this one last week?" a voice cried out from the crowd.

"No, that was a different right now. Now pay attention. It started with three eccentric judges and five strange competitors. Ohh, nine mysterious creatures in the middle of the primitive town. Ohhh, scary!"

"What's scary are your math skills!" Someone- possibly Higgy- cried out from the crowd. "Three and five come to seven, moron!"

"Ummm... I said, I mean, I meant-" Roger paused as if to imagine killing the audience. "I was ahh.. counting myself. Shut up."

"Oh, okay," an apathetic lizard answered from the crowd. "Like I care either way."

"Anyway, There were nine.. Eight! Eight of us..."

"Nine of you, you forgot yourself!"

"Thank you," The Roastmaster replied through gritted teeth. "And without any further ado or interruptions from the crowd, we turned our attention to a clearing, where the meat cars will be displayed.. Hey! Everyone get off the clearing!"

Sure, the clearing had been clearly marked "Stay off!" but no one had paid attention to it. Or at least, the crowd of people standing over it hadn't paid attention to it. With sour mumbling and complaining, they slowly and reluctantly moved off, allowing the first meat car to drive in.

"He was originally going to enter as a part of a team, only to recognize a frightening and astounding conflict of interests! He had to represent his own clan, it was decided, not the rival clan! So throwing together a last second meat car, we gave a warm introduction to the Lucky and the Bold.. the Stunningly Handsome Fox.. representing the Winking Judges.. the delightfully devilish Todd Blackpaws!"

Shifty watches his moxious entry with proud, shifty eyes. The other two judges didn't seem anywhere nearly as impressed.

"This must have been the point I asked one of the judges to offer an introductory question for our first entry," explained Roastmaster Kenny.

"WHY are you speaking in third person?!" asked Gorgonzola in an exasperated, confused voice.

"Nevermind that," he answered. "Let's let Lord Gunther ask our first question.. er.. It was decided by our handsome and brilliant narrator, also the master of the ceremonies, to allow..."

Gunther cleared his throat, mighty and loud. "Ham, turkey, or chicken.. what does your meat car run as fuel, lad?"

"Ah, a brilliant, manly question," Todd Blackpaws wisely answered. "I use my own custom blend of demon meat, for the infernal power, and yeti meat, for the general.. er.. yeti'ness."

"Not bad," Gunther asked, impressed. "That answer kind of fell apart at the end, though."

"Sorry," Todd offered with a moxious smile as the next two meat cars drove in together. Vixen, the green furred fox, and Lapine the bunny! Though both had humanoid bodies. Sexy enough.

"Then it was Sleazy, sorry, I mean Shifty's turn to ask a question," explained the Roastmaster, as Todd drove his meat car off. The girls' meat cars were identical to both Todd's and each other's, except they varied in color. In direct contrast to their earlier argument, Lapine drove the teal green meat car which Vixen had argued in favor of earlier, while her original choice for a meat car color, chrome white, was the current choice of Lapine. Vixen was dressed in a loincloth and white leather bikini top, while Lapine had on a black, skimpy leather bikini.

Both had matching boots.

"No questions, I just wanna see 'em kiss!" Shifty said, eyes shifting to and fro. "Sure, they got fur, but they're hawt!"

The crowd's reaction ran the gauntlet of emotions, from disgust and indifference to amused and even aroused reactions. Todd sure seemed to like the idea! Being ex mates, Vixen and Lapine looked at each other.

"Guess we got no choice," Lapine taunted.

"Fine, but you better not enjoy it too much!" Vixen taunted back.

"You neither!" Lapine answered. Vixen softly, quickly kissed her lips, intending for a quick, quick innocent kiss. But her lips lingered, and the kiss continued. A minute later, they were fully embraced. A minute after that, their tails flickering happily behind them, they finally separated, and swooned over the kiss as the crowd went wild.

"Ahhh," our Roastmaster of Ceremonies concluded. "I guess.. what? Oh.. next up, Samuel Xteam!"

"It's Shamus Xtreme!" Shamus corrected as he drove into view in a classic looking meat car. "Now what do I win?"

"You didn't win anything yet," the Roastmaster explained.

"Ahh, a lack of fur means you're definitely in the lead!" joked Chief Chef Gorgonzola, drawing a protest from Lapine, Vixen and Todd! "Tell us how you built your meat car in grueling, elaborate detail!"

"She did it!" Shamus reacted, pointing to Inu, who told Shamus she hated him.

"Ohh, slave labor of familiars, I think we can all agree to approve of that!" suggested Gunther, although Gorgonzola clearly disagreed. It was hard to read Shifty's reaction to it. He was too busy pick pocketing the VIP's in the first row.

"Alright, let's get this indeterminable waste of time over with!" Gunther declared. "Get lost, you!"

Inu told Shamus she hated him for his horrible answer and drove him off. A few seconds passed with nothing happening. Nothing at all. This would go down in history as the apathetic lizard's very topmost favorite part of the event.

"VROOOOM!" The Vroom of a near explosion cut the silence of the nearly bored crowd, drawing them back to life with a demon like passion. Guacanator’s meat car skirted through the street leading into Market Square, darting and dashing around the fountain at near inhuman speeds! It then turned, and tried to stop in front of the podium, but the brakes simply didn't work.

There was a collective gasp from the audience, then the sound of a podium imploding on itself as the souped up meat car (mmmmm meat soup) crashed into it, and finally, shrieks of horror, and in the case of the Master Roastmaster, pain. Agonizing pain!

His limp, lifeless body fell on top of the meat car as its driver, Guacanator the great, jumped out of the driver's seat and abandoned the meat car, which started smoking pure platinum smoke. Or maybe it was the color of stainless steel.

"I think he's... dead," proclaimed MTiger in a horrified voice.

"'No, it's just a flesh wound,' said the fearless narrator," said Roastmaster Roger Kenny, as he bled on the smoking remains of the meatcar.

"Oh, real original line there!" cried a young Knollish heckler from the crowd.

"Shut up or I'll kick your a-" He started. The sound of the explosion covered anything else he would have said. Or maybe he got exploded into tiny little bits. The others noticed him missing, and before anyone could suggest anything logical- Jarlsburg forbid- the three clan leaders broke into wild cheers!

"You killed him!" Sneaky Shifty said in a low down, rotten voice.

"He did quite annoy me," Gorgonzola admitted in a majestic voice.

"I declare you, you strange young looking man, to be the winner of this event by proxy!"

"Hey!" protested Shamus, Vixen, Lapine and Todd protested at one. "That's no fair!"

Mtiger was somehow nonplussed, having lived through stranger, more tragic, and worse. Though arguably not stupider. "And.. your declaration of a second place?"

"What?" Sneaky Snifty asked, as he stopped riffling through Gunther's pocket.

"Hey!" Gunther noticed him and chased Snifty off, presumably to beat or kill him, leaving only the mystical Gorgonzola, who looked at the remaining four, blinked, and without thinking decided, "Give it to the that one." He pointed at Gorgonzola, who squealed like a little girl at the prospect. "He doesn't have fur, so he wins."

"Hey, no way!" protested Vixen, Todd, and Lapine as one. Meanwhile, Council of Loathing member Cheatum had walked over and started discussing something with the sole remaining judge in hushed tones. A few coins of meat were exchanged. As he left the stage hurriedly, we got a sudden reversal of fortunes.

Sole surviving judge Gorgonzola pointed at Shamus. “Actually, judging from him, I feel an inexplicable sense of pity for him. Let’s say he’s the winner and give this Guacanator fellow and his clan second place.”

“Awesome!” Shamus cried out, doing a little victory dance. “Pity win for the win! Whoo whah!”

"I hate you Shamus!" cried out Inu.

And Guacanator, Vixen, Todd and Lapine. And Prince Blahking.

And several hobos.

Next up?! Time to wrap this mission up in style!