We've got another Kadlin piece here. This time, she's joined by Becky Joy and a NPC named Briggs Detree. Detree started off a few missions before, but gets fairly rare use.
Do you find Becky annoying or cute and entertaining? I'm getting mixed signals, which isn't all bad, I guess. Spaz is along with for the ride, and of course, there's fighting in this story for you to enjoy!

Let's see how Kadlin's trip with friends to Lil Canadia goes.

(co-written, of course)

Kadlin darted through the streets, the orders still worrying her. "An army of abominations, ghosts, and elementals now marches toward little Canadia, having easily overpowered our conventional forces. If you have even enough magical potential to sneeze fire, we require your help and steely resolve, so that we might valiantly defend our allies in this, our most trying of times. Take arms and seize honor!" The orders had come straight from Mtiger's grim face. Spaz and Xanadon were with her. Well, Spaz was only partially with her. He was also investigating everything that sparked his interest, bringing stuff back to Kadlin when he thought it worth it.

"Hey," said Spaz. "I found this trinket. You want it?" he held out a worthless gadgew, smirking with a bit of pride.

"Not really," said Kadlin.

One of the walls of a nearby burning house collapsed, startling Kadlin.

"Okay, well, I also picked up a few other things." Spaz showed a collection of bottlecaps, an old man's dentures that were still dripping with saliva, a wallet full of meat, and a picture of Lady Gaga."

"Keep the wallet. Toss the dentures and the caps. And the picture has enough of the spooky element to power a dozen potions."

Another wall was about to collapse when a blast of ice froze it in place and put out the fire.

"Tag, wall, you're safe! Tag fire, you're out! I's gettin' tired. Go away, fire!" A youthful, nearly childlike voice complained from nearby. "I'm winning yay!"

Kadlin was shocked, "Becky, is that you?"

Becky Joy danced into sight, smiling broadly as she focused pure ice magic through her toy yeti. In spite of the somewhat juvenile way she acted and talked most of the time, she was clearly only a few years younger than Kadlin, and threw her magics around with the practiced grace and power of a years experienced mage. She almost seemed oblivious to how good she could be. "Yay, Konall's sister!"

Kadlin wondered whether to bring Becky along. Becky was talented, sure, but she had the mind of a child and the attention span of Spaz. In the end, she realized that Little Canadia would need all the help it could get. Kadlin had a deep sympathy for her fellow brethren from the frigid north, even if they were draft-dodging hose heads.

"Yeah. I'm Konall's sister." Kadlin faltered. "You know little Canadia? There's some bullies trying to hurt our Canadian friends. You want to stop them?"

"Hm, I gotta think on that," Becky answered. "Kaylee, right?!"

"Kadlin, Kadlin Bearsmasher, daughter of Throm."

"Okay, hi Kadlin, Kadlin! I'm Becky Joy, daughter of my daddy!" Becky thought it over and jumped in place. "I wanna help save Lil Canadia! Can I? Can I?"

"I sure hope so. Come on, we're heading North."

"Yup, can I sing on the way up?!" She asked excitedly.

Kadlin sighed. "Probably. Spaz'll want to play accompaniment."

Kadlin and Becky walked toward Canadia, Becky and Spaz keeping meticulous musical accounting of the number of bottles of beer on a hypothetical wall. Kadlin carried Xanadon and quietly begged him for a potion of deafness. After they got over the walls of the city, it didn't take long to find the monstrosities battling a handful of soldiers.

They stood on a forested ridge, looking down at the valley where the battle was taking place. It was filled with scorch marks, trees that had been uprooted or snapped in half, ectoplasm, and bodies, lots of dead bodies. A wraith passed through the last few soldiers who still stood there, ripping out their souls and leaving them dead.

Kadlin looked at Becky. "Here, I want you to drink these two potions. They'll help you fight better." She handed over two vials full of green, bubbling liquid.

Becky sniffed then said, "I don't like the smell!"

Kadlin said, "It's good for you. Makes you smart. If you drink it, you can grow up to be a great pastamancer like me. Also, I'll give you a lollipop."

"For realz?" Becky asked, frowning. "I don't wanna.. I don't.. well okay!" She paused, held her nose and drank them both then made a face, and went "Ewwww, yummy! I mean.. not yummy!"

Kadlin dumped a brown, murky potion on Becky's head causing Becky to winch, then giggle. The turtle tamer's skin turned orangish brown and craggy, like a goblin's. It grew tougher, stronger, and thicker. Kadlin handed Becky a lollipop and drank a second goblin hide potion herself, also gaining the thickened hide of a goblin. She handed Spaz a few potions and told him to watch over Becky.

"Yay, I'm Becky Goblin!" Becky said, dancing around in a circle.

"You just have skin like they do. It's what's on the inside that counts." And if they see you, then your insides will become your outsides. They'll still hurt you. "Don't think they'll trust you. They're still evil."

"They shouldn't be evil," Becky said.

"Yeah, that'd make things a lot easier," a grizzled, war hardened, KOKOL'ish voice called out to the two. "What're you two rookies doing out here? Did you miss the memo where the town is on fire?"

Briggs Detree walked up to the two, protectively wielding a large hammer.

"Hi, Mr. Detree!" Becky said, waving her arms in an over exaggerated fashion. "This's my new buddy Kadlin and guess what? She's Konall's sister! And guess what, this's Spaz! And guess.."

"Mr. Detree?" said Kadlin. "I assume you're fighting for Seaside?" She fingered her wand of the CLEESH behind her back in case the answer was no.

"More for KOKOL, but today, that's one in the same. Who are you fighting on behalf of?" he said, holding an anti CLEESH can of tuna behind his back, in case he didn't like the answer. "I couldn't help but notice you have goblin skin."

"I'm with Seaside. The skin is the result of a potion. And I'm out of moisturizer."

"Well, we need every soldier we can get. As Tacticus said, 'In time of desperation, any ally is a dearest friend.'"

"My people have a similar proverb. 'Fight with me and I'll buy you a beer when this is over.' It was Crom Sealbane who said that one."

"I've studied him," said Detree. "I know your brother. Good man."

Xanadon popped out of his box. "In the Guild of Extremely Evil Wizards, my headmaster always said, 'When someone is willing to fight by your side, stab him in the back last.'"

"Yes, yes, you're a spirit of a vindictive, evil spirit, we get the point," Kadlin said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh!" Becky held her hand up like a student in class. "I has Konall story too?!"

"Okay," said Kadlin.

"1 time, I said," Becky started. "I said, 'Do you like ice?' And he said, 'No.' And I said, 'I do!' And he said, 'Ummm, that's nice.' Pretty funny short story huh?!"

"Konall had a bad experience with an icicle when he was young," said Kadlin.

Detree hefted his war hammer, "I think it's time to start fighting. I'll take anything with a body. The rest of you keep anything ghostly, elemental, or mousy off of me?"

Kadlin arched an eyebrow. "Mousy?"

"I don't like mice. Those tiny little paws, they bother me. Okay, Becky, Spaz, stop chasing each other and get to fighting. We've a got a village to defend and it's not getting any safer."

The group ran into battle as Becky yelled, "Yay, I wuz runnin' in circles!"

The ghost of a yeti, controlled by the goblins, phased through the trees toward the adventurers.

General Detree moved out of its way. "Spectral. I can't hurt it. Throw some magic on it! I'll find something that goes squish."

Spaz began playing a song about a person facing a ghostly threat and not knowing who to call for help, which weakened the wraith and made it shriek in anger. Kadlin was already speaking the words of power. The ground trembled slightly and four green noodle appendages burst out. They were as spectral as the phantom they strangled and whipped. A foul odor wafted on the wind, and the ghost dissipated from the spell.

Meanwhile, Detree was facing off against a two-headed goblin, which was wielding a three-handed sword with each of its three hands. It had then been warped with magic, steroids, and who knows what else until it was a hulking wall of muscle. Someone had managed make some armor that would fit the thing, making it more terrifying but no less hideous.

The general had two seconds to size up his opponent, but his mind when into overdrive. The beast was cobbled together, so it couldn't be very coordinated, therefore it was terrible at hitting or dodging. But it would be able to take a lot of blows and it would only need to hit Detree once or twice to obliterate him. The general wouldn't be able to kill it with a single blow to the head.

"How'd you kill a ghost?!" Becky asked, bouncing a ball as she waited for orders.

"Spaz weakened it," said Kadlin, "And I used magic. Ghosts are weak against the primal forces of stench."

But they didn't have time to talk. A stench elemental came over the rise. It was a brownish cloud of gas bound vaguely into a humanoid shape. Everywhere it went, the grass withered. It turned to face Kadlin, and she began chanting the ritual of Hell's Mouth, the only spell she had that would affect such a creature.

Becky stopped freezing Knob Goblins' legs to the ground and giggling and saw what Kadlin was doing. Becky's face twisted into an 'ewww' as she held her toy yeti into the air. It immediately gave out a substantial chill. "Be careful, new best buddy Kadlin!" Becky yelled out as she fired a bright blue blast of energized ice right at the icky creature!

The ice slammed into the beast, slowing it to a crawl. Kadlin backed away slowly, trying to put space between herself and the elemental while she powered up the spell even more. She completely ignored the arrow that hit her in the side, concentrating on the spell, keeping her will centered on breaking the boundary between Hey Daze and this world ever so slightly, just enough to unleash Pandemonium for a time.

A half-goblin half-hyena monster came up behind Becky as she readied another ice spell, but Spaz hit the monster with a toad form potion, turning into half-toad other-half-also-toad. Then he ate it. Becky giggled, said 'Yum,' and formed an ice storm around the beast, forcing it into oblivion and damaging any number of allies around it as large ice shards fell, avoiding Becky's allies and slicing into the Knob Goblins!

General Detree was twenty yards from the ice storm, still trading blows with the two-headed beast. He had hit it several times, and had heard bones crunch each time, but it was still on him. Suddenly, the creature hit him with a broad sweep, cutting right through his guard and sending him flying. He felt three broken ribs and saw blood leaking through the hole in his armor. But he wasn't out of the fight yet. Detree picked himself back up and ran at the goblin-thing, hammer raised to strike. The monster knocked the hammer out of his hands. This was a setback, but he'd find a way.

He backed away, dodging away from his enemy and then running away when he had the chance. With the monster slowly coming toward him, be began climbing a tree. He jumped for the lowest branch, missed it, and jumped again, this time succeeding. He pulled himself up and moved quickly, keeping the tree between him and the beast. He waited until he was some thirty feet up the tree to stop. Then, he settled onto a branch and began firing sleaze arrows at the monster. Both of its heads roared as the arrows' elemental nature compelled them to seek out certain sensitive areas of its anatomy.

It swung its sword into the tree several times and then backed away, arrows still streaking into it. Then it charged, slamming two tons of bulk into a half ton of tree. The general heard a loud crack. The monster rammed the tree again and it toppled over. Becky avoided it as she sent a bunch of Knob Goblins running with an arctic wind blast, yay! Kadlin directed Becky to focus on the ones between them and their goal up north, and Becky was more than happy to. She chit chatted away with Spaz and relentlessly blasted her way through the Knob Goblins, casting ice winds and even ice shields to protect her and Kadlin from further harm. She showed a surprising amount of determination and battle experience- for a while. Then, Becky suddenly stopped and whined, "I outta juice now, playtime!"

Spaz stopped poking the goblins that had been frozen in place and was now zipping round the two-headed beast that charged after General Detree. Spaz shot a puny fireball at it, but didn't accomplish much. The monster now had two targets to deal with, and it left one hand and head to deal with Spaz while the other two tried to pummel Detree. Meanwhile, the general swiped at the hands with a pair of one-handed battle hammers, trying to get past them to one of the heads. Detree hurled a hammer at the goblin's head, and all three hands rushed to catch it. The goblin beast succeeded, transferred the hammer to one of its hands, and turned back to crush Detree, who wasn't there. The general had only used the hammer as a diversion and rolled between two of the monster's four legs, coming up behind it and grabbing on to a horn that stuck out the creatures back. He pulled himself up and bashed in the monster's left head. It roared and tried to throw him off, but half of the body was not responding. Several more hammer blows reduced the creature to a quivering lump.

Detree turned to see Kadlin unleash a horde of terrifying demons to assault a sleaze elemental and another mutated creature, frightening both to death in a gruesomely literal fashion.

Becky sat and combed the fur on her toy yeti, and suddenly said, "Spaz, I has game! I gonna say some words, and you gotta say what you think if I say this word, kay lezgo! Pickle!"

"Pickle," said Spaz, obliterating a spectral mouse with a tiny fireball.

"Ice cream!"

Spaz saw a pair of 5-armed goblins running at Becky. "Webbing," he said, and tossed a spider web potion between them.

"Spiderguy," said Becky, not seeing the two goblins try to cut each other out of the webbing, succeed only in cutting each other, get angry at each other, and then fight each other to the death.

A knitting elemental came straight at Becky. "Look out!" said Spaz.

"Tower."

Magical power turned the knitting elemental into a gecko made of yarn. "Gourd," said Kadlin, blowing the smoke off her wand of the CLEESH.

"Pumpkin," said Spaz, now playing catch with Becky.

"Oh, I got one.. Spaz!" She said as they played on.

A goblin with snakes for arms came up behind Becky and shouted "Die!"

Detree crushed it with his newly-recovered warhammer. "Weakling," he scoffed.

Kadlin spoke a word of power, "CLEESH," turning a mutant goblin into a toad with two bodies and one head.

"Froggy," said Spaz.

Detree heard a clanging noise turned around to see a thirty-foot golem. It was constructed entirely from weapons, and the blades whirled around it. A single touch from this thing would be death.

"Duck," Becky said, picking a word that rhymed with the one Detree had just said.

"Summonum somum tentaclesia stinkiosi," Kadlin said, chanting the words for one of her spells. But only a slight fart erupted from the ground.

"I'm out of mana," said Kadlin.

"Aww..." said Becky, "you went twice."

Dozens of swords, axes, and arrows flew at Kadlin, most of them bouncing off the wintery hurricane that Becky had conjured around Kadlin earlier. Still, drops of Kadlin's blood began joining that cyclone.

Detree hammered at claws made of scimitars and bounced his weapon ineffectually off the golem's kneecap, a shield.

Becky stood up and yawned. As she raised her hand, a giant block of ice appeared around the golem, freezing it in place. "Kay, Mr. Detree, you can carve it into anything you want now!"

There wasn't any time before the giant broke free, sending shards of ice everywhere. However, before it could attack, it was hit with the Extra Spicy BBQ Sause with Cherries, a specialty spell of none other than Arkane! The beast turned to meet the new threat, allowing our spotlight heroes to sneak by it, with Becky and Spaz singing.

"We're at the maple forest!" General Detree explained. "Don't forget. Magic's double strength here, but attacks with weapons are about half as effective. Ergo, we're at a disadvantage to those devious, sneaky mage types."

Becky launched a wave of ice missiles at the golem, causing Kadlin to think. Kadlin was stronger-willed than this child in a woman's body. She could force mana to obey her more, could cast more spells, or at least, she should be able to. Yet here she was, drinking an energy potion to restore her strength while Becky continued to match Arkane spell-for-spell against the golem.

Was it the playing? Kadlin knew that a handful of the most powerful wizards could restore energy through active meditation. They performed simple tasks and restored their energy, coming back to fight again. But this took centuries of study to achieve. No, this child-woman wouldn't be able to perfect a technique that Kadlin couldn't even fathom how to do, let alone master. It was a fluke. It had to be. Becky'd swallowed the potions that boosted her magical ability. Maybe they'd had some weird effect and quadrupled her mana reservoir.

The golem froze in place, a statue of itself. Detree thought to himself. Frozen weapons are hard, brittle. He roared and charged, hitting the golem with all his might. With a mighty clang the hammer smashed into the beast. At first, nothing happened. Then the ice began cracking, and the golem underneath it as the blow sundered the creature.

Meanwhile, Becky walked up to Kadlin with a concerned look on her face. "You iz tired? Wanna take some of my mana soda? It's grape, I don't need it if you want it!"

"Um, thanks." said Kadlin. "You sure you don't need it yourself? All that magic must have tired you out."

"I no tired! I'm like Bunny the Energizer! He never ran out of mana."

Kadlin began scratching herself, itching ferociously as the magic of the goblin hide wore off. She tore off the pieces of orange skin to reveal the layer of normal skin that was now underneath it. Kadlin knew what it felt like to be a snake shedding its skin. Becky jumped! Then she let out a long, "Ewww!" Finally, she waved at the pieces as they fall off.

"Who are you waving to?" Kadlin idly asked.

"Sayin' goodbye to Kadlin Orge and Becky Goblin!" Becky said with a giggle. "I don't think you should eat that Spaz!"

Spaz spit out the goblin skin.

Detree looked at Kadlin. "Wow. Without your goblin skin you look..." His mind searched for words. Beautiful, lovely, gorgeous, amazing. "Nice."

"Thanks," said Kadlin, tossing Detree a health potion.

"Spaz, you help me find Wolfie?" Becky asked in a suddenly sad voice. Spaz nodded.

Becky took off, looking for Zanther Wolf and Spaz chased after Becky. Kadlin looked at Detree. "Well, the battle's almost over. How about you and I clear off the field?"

Detree pointed at Arkane, who was several dozen yards away attacking goblins. "Is the dragon on our side?"

"Yeah, we'll include him, too."

As the party broke up into two, the fire raged around Seaside Town. For every four fires the heroes put out, it seemed five to seven started in their place. Nevertheless, they were determined to stop the fires, and stop the Knob Goblins, once and for all!