Konall stopped and prayed, drawing strength from the earth. He felt his skin grow slightly tougher, his muscles stronger, his brain more stubborn.

Suddenly a figure wreathed in fire sprang from the ground. “Beware mortal!” it declared. “Bow before my might that I may end your pain quickly.”

“Shut up,” said Konall.

“I beg your pardon,” the demon said as the flamed cooled down. He spread his horned wings menacingly and brandished sharp claws and a barbed tail.

“I’m a shaman. I need your help. And you’re going to give it to me.”

“If you desire me to submit to your bidding you must-”

“I said shut up. I don’t have time to look up your name. I don’t have the patience for fiddle contests or bargains or anything like that. You’ve got a job to do. I’ve got a job to do. We both want to get rid of the undead. And you’re going to help me.”

The twelve-foot-tall demon looked down at Konall and stamped its cloven hooves impatiently. “And why would I do that?”

“Because Konall’s awesome!” said Spaz.

“Also,” said Konall, “Because I’ll take this blessed sword and shove it down your throat if you don’t. Do you know how long holy damage will burn with the power of light? Even if you somehow kill me, you’ll still be itching for centuries after this fight. And you’ll probably be missing a few limbs.”

The demon gulped. “I serve Dr. Darth,” the demon said.

“And what’d he tell you to do?”

“He instructed me to claim this ground in his name and smite all who were unworthy.”

Konall glared at him. “You going to smite me?”

“I think you are most worthy.”

“Great, let’s take down some zombies. You got any minons?”

The demon began making arcane motions. “I command a small but elite force of demons, a succubus and I have a single harpy who heeds my every word.”

Three demons almost as large as Konall, a shapely woman with goat hooves, and a giant bird-woman with bat wings appeared, summoned in fire. “We serve,” they said in unison.

Konall smiled to himself. He preferred working with demons to spirits or gods. Less flowery language, more threats.

A thought occured. Konall turned to the succubus. "This is a fight. Are you any good in combat?"

A wicked grin crossed the succubus' full lips. "As a warrior, no," she said, shapeshifting into a perfect replica of Aleena, "But as a distraction, yes."

Konall growled, "Change back!" and she complied, startled. Why did succubi have to try to get under people's skins like that? Konall shook his head and got back to the matter at hand.

He tilted back his head, closed his eyes, and spread his arms. “Forest spirits I beseech you. Grant these warriors your guidance and strength as they cleanse your groves of the taint of false life.” It had taken him half an hour to compose that bit, but it worked. He and his allies felt a rush of energy that showed no signs of stopping.

“Oh,” said Konall looking at the largest demon. “What should I call you?”

The demon stood back. “For your mortal mind to even attempt to comprehend my name would lead to madness and death.”

“Right. I’ll call you Clarence.”

Konall closed his eyes and felt the life energy pulsing from some machine nearby washing over him. This was what he was here to defend. And attack.

Konall ran forward and his demonic allies followed. Along the path to the village lurched undead. Ghost wailed in agony, zombies stumbled around, and ghouls lurked in the shadows. At Konall’s beckoning, forest spirits animated the trees, holding down undead. The scattered and surprised undead went down in a rain of fire, scythes, demonic power, and a blessed blade.

“Thirteen souls reclaimed to the afterlife,” said Clarence.

With the guidance of the forest, Konall found a path that was not overwhelmed with too many undead, and he made it to the village walls. The wooden palisade was covered in arcane sigils and wards.

Clarence stopped. “This wall keeps out all demons not allied with Prince Hunk. We cannot bypass it, or even touch it. Even to fly over it would mean-”

Konall smashing the wall down with his haxxor ended the discussion. He walked through the gap, and the others followed. “I want to see the life energy machine,” he bellowed to no one in particular.

A villager peeked her head out of the doorway to her hut. “Who are you?”

“I’m Konall, a leader of the Blood Clan, and representative of the spirits.”

“Well, this village is controlled by Hunk, and he said no one is to approach the life machine.”

“So what?’

“He has conquered this village.”

“Well I guess I’ll have to beat him before I take a look at the device. That would make me the conqueror of this village, right?”

“I… I guess it would.”

"I thought we were attacking undead," sid Clarence.

"Me too," said Konall. "But with this village owned by demons, we have to take it and fortify it first."

"Oh."

"Yeah," said Konall. "My plan had me getting people in this city into something resembling an army and then having them patrol the walls. But if someone else got here first, that someone's got to go." Konall hefted his haxxor and started walking down the largest street, his boots leaving prints in the packed earth.

Ahead, a massive giant, covered in dark green scaly skin blocked Konall's path. Twice as tall as the viking warrior, the ogre-like beast had short legs, long arms, and a crudely built stone sword built like a claymore.

"Who is you?" said the ogre.

"I'm Konall, a shaman and you're in my way."

The ogre laughed. "Anyone outdoors, I eat if not good."

Konall turned to his demonic allies. "Let's get him."

The harpy flew about the ogre's head, stinging him with her tail. Spaz poked it in the eye, not doing much harm, even when the ogre slapped its face. The claymore came down, crushing the earth beside Konall, who just managed to duck out of the way. He dodged to the ogre's side as it was picking up its weapon. With one swing of his haxxor, the ogre was hamstrung.

The ogre knelt down, and levelled its stone sword at Konall. The viking swung with all his might, slamming the hammer end of his haxxor into the sword, breaking it in half and causing sending a fragment flying. The piece crushed an empty hut.

Konall took advantage of the ogre's pause to smash his face in, leaving the beast with a body that could no longer sustain its connection to this world. It vanished in a puff of banishment.

"Hunk mildly upset," came roar from a nearby demon. This one was a head taller than Konall, had lighter green skin, and was handsome. Covered in muscles, the brute strode forward confidently.

"You took over the city," said Konall. "The dead are for those who guard the afterlife, like you demons. Shamans like me get the living. You conquered this city and oppressed its inhabitants. That's my job. I'm taking this city back."

"Hunk wants know you and what army?"

Konall shrugged. "The Blood Clan couldn't make it."

Spaz knew the proper protocol here, and he flew forward. "My master says he can beat you up just as his father can beat up your father. He also claims that your mother is so fat, when she sits down the earth shakes. As a result of these claims, he challenges you for this land."

The brute smiled. "Hunk want know terms."

Konall thought for a moment. "If I win, I get control of the city. And you and your hordes have to take care of the undead around this place like you're gods-damned supposed to."

Spaz said, "And you have to bring us a fruity coconut drink and a pony and eleven hazelnuts and-" Konall raised his hand, cutting the ADD demon off.

Hunk sneered at the term gods-damned. It was, after all, quite an apt summary of how he got into this position in the first place. "If Hunk win, Viking get flayed in pits of slime forever..." The brute thought a bit more. "...while wearing girl dress."

Konall gritted his teeth. "I accept." He ran forward, haxxor drawn, and slammed it right into Hunk's face. Hunk headbutted the haxxor and the tip broke off at the handle. Konall stopped, jaw dropped, wrists aching. Nothing had ever- a hand sent Konall flying through the air, landing in a horse trough.

"Get up, Konall!" said Spaz.

Konall shook his head. "This is gonna be tougher than I thought. I can't face him head on."

Konall drew his bow and moved through the streets. Brute strength was not an option here. He found Hunk, drew his bow back to full strength, and loosed a powerful shot. The arrow bounced off the demon's bicep. Hunk charged.

Konall turned and ran. "Spirits boost my speed, spirits boost my speed, SPIRITS BOOST MY AUGH!" The prayer was inadvertently answered when Hunk slammed Konall again, sending him flying into a wall.

Spaz tried to pick the Viking up, but failed.

Konall stirred. "He's like me, only more so. Stronger, tougher, faster, and more connected with the spirit world. I might as well face my end with honor."

Spaz nodded. "He's like you in a lotta ways, yeah. 'Specially since he's a berserker. You made him mad, and you're not angry yet. Of course he's winning."

Konall remained laying down. He thought about how unfair it was that he was stuck doing the stupid shaman job while this idiot was doing whatever he wanted and letting the rest of the world fall to pieces. That made him annoyed. He sat up.

Konall thought about his sister, who was going to destroy herself and the rest of the worlds, plus maybe some other worlds. And he wouldn't be able to do anything about it because this idiot was going to kill him. That made him angry and he rolled to a crouch, his aching muscles screaming in protest.

Konall thought about the people in this village who had suffered some of the torments of Hey Deze, even though they hadn't been judged, even though some of them didn't deserve it. He felt the spirits of rage circling this village, crying out for vengeance. He called out to them. "I will avenge your pain," and they answered his call, hundreds upon hundreds passing through him, each one adding its share of anger before dissipating. Konall was now beyond furious. He stood, his pain forgotten, his mind focused on one thing: killing.

Konall ran toward Hunk as the brute charged him. The Viking berserker batted the brute's fists aside and gave him a powerful uppercut to the jaw. Hunk grabbed Konall and began squeezing the air out of him while Konall furiously jabbed with his elbows and kicked wherever he could.

Spaz began poking Konall with a tiny pitchfork, the annoyance increasing Konall's rage. He broke free from the restraint and received a brutal kick from Hunk. Konall turned, took another punch, and went flying into the wall. The two continued to trade blows, and Hunk was winning. Konall knew that when this was over, he'd be suffering from broken bones all over, but that information was in the back of his mind as he focused on dying well and giving this demon the best he could. Even Spaz had abandoned him to... talk with the succubus! Konall was dying and Spaz was flirting with some bimbo demon? He threw a few rage-filled punches at the demon and it cracked him over the skull, making everything go dark.

Suddenly, Hunk turned, looking at the Queen of Hate who had suddenly appeared. He moved toward her, and she turned away, scorn on her face. Hunk stammered. "Come back. Hunk ready for committed relationship. No sleep with your sister again." She kept going. Hunk was heartbroken. Konall brought his hands down in a crushing blow to Hunk's head, and the demon staggered. Konall kept it up, his rage still running, the demon's gone. Konall held onto Hunk's long golden hair with his left hand and punched the demon repeatedly in the face with his right until Hunk faded to unconsciousness.

Konall stood, and walked toward shelter. "I win!" he shouted to the gathered crowd of demons. "You know what to do." They did. All of Hunk's demons left the city to hunt undead. Konall passed Clarence's people and the succubus, who transformed from her Queen of Hate disguise into her true form.

"That was cheating," said Konall.

"It was the imp's idea," said the succubus, pointing to Spaz. "Besides, I didn't interfere directly."

Spaz flew over to Konall. "He was taking evil-enhancing steroids anyway. He cheated first. What are we gonna do now? Plunder the city? Host a banquet?"

Konall walked into the hut, fell on a bed, and lapsed into unconsciousness as his wounds caught up to him.

That was a fun little use of Hunk, whom I introduced way back in the first mission in Hey Daze. I believe this is it for Konall until the Finale, but we'll check in with Sassy Snake, Becky Joy, Fahari, Zed and others before we get there! As you can see, this split mission, unlike others in the past, came together pretty nicely. Next up is Sebastian Dash.