Cat mighta helped suggest some of the dialogue.

Also note: the middle part of by Konall Bearsmasher. The first and third part are all Dash (me!)

And here we are, at the end of this thing! It was a tight run of nine roleplays, including the two Live RP's, and it established a hard fought war that saw several debuts, returns, and mainstay AIL characters.

This is also the second of several 'back to back' missions. Storywise, everything from the end of the last mission, to the end of the mission after the next, takes place in probably two days or less.

This mission's been building up to this.. so check out how it ends!

The War in Seaside Town raged on....

The two sides had been conflicting for the last couple hours, and both sides were showing signs of wear and tear from the desperate fight. As they'd battled, a handful of mystic beings had set across the town at the Fluffy Hamster's request. His Chibi Cherub Rite of Summoning had called forth the adorable tiny creatures, which he'd sent across the town to inform his allies of Blahking's order.

Prince Blahking desperately wanted the Market Square cleared of the Knob Goblins. In his mind, it was the key to avoiding a great disaster for the small community of Seaside Town. Right before being ambushed by the Knob Goblins, he'd had Fluffy use a Chibi Cherub Rite to send messengers out, ensuring the KOKOL forces would get his goal to the rest of the KOKOL forces; the Market Square, which was the location of the Kingdom of KOL's politically motivated carnival, had to be cleared of the Knob Goblins!

The Chibi Cherub were unbearably cute, and could potentially do minor damage to evil forces who simply stared at them long enough! Awww, soo cute! The adorable abominations set out throughout the city determined to find the eight adventurers of AIL!

Sweetiekims, the sugar'n'spice Chibi Cherub, was stuck with the unenviable task of tracking and and communicating with Raw Hide. Using her exposition senses, Chibi brought up a visual history of Raw Hide's participation in this event.

His brutality was hard to bear witness to! He's spent most of the war fighting Knob Goblins who randomly kept ambushing him, trying to gain control of the Gourd tower! No, no, this wouldn't do at all!

Though his attempts to defend the Gourd Tower were noble, they were misguided.

"Hail, Kingdom of KOL'er!" she greeted the one known as Raw Hide. She was flatly ignored since he was busy slamming the unconscious body of a Knob Goblin Pacifist Male Cheerleader. Didn't even know you about those, did ya?

"Raw Hide!" Sweetiekims called out. "Did you hear me?!"

"Who the bloody hell are you?" he asked as he turned to handle yet another Knob Goblin ambush. "I ain't listenin' to no thing-you-are."

"But Fluffy Hamster sent me," the Chibi Cherub pouted cutely. "And Prince Blahking said you had to, it's your job!"

"Hey, I'm pretty sure my 'job' is committing violence wherever I see an excuse," Raw answered. "And I see plenty of excuse for violence here!"

"But.. wait, but.." she stuttered and stammered. "There might be probably is more violence to had if you do your job and help clear out the Market Square!"

"I'll think about it," Raw Hide said, as he starred down against a seven and a half foot Knob Goblin experiment gone wrong. Hunchback, too, with an army of rats crawling over it s shoulders and chest.

"But.."

"Not get outta here or you're next!" Raw threatened. That was enough to get Sweetiekims to pout cutely and fly away in a huff!

Meanwhile, the Guacanator was in great trouble. His fight with the Jester King of Beasts had been relentless. Guac had held quite well for himself for quite a while, thanks in part to a couple of Happiness- steampunk style guns he'd obtained from who knows where. Giggilita the Giggling Chibi Cherub had been tasked with tracing down this part of the fight. Unfortunately, she could feel the Jester King of Beast's abilities; it might be possible he could reach into her mind and seize control of her as well! That would not be good, although it was a funny thought. In a dark funny sort of way.

She watched as Guac raised his hand and fired a feeble blast of magic, which Jester King of Beasts took control of, causing it to veer wildly to one side. Oh, this wasn't good for this Guacanator fellow. Though as Giggilita peered into the very recent past, she could sense the fight had been quite even for some time. The biggest difference seemed to be conditioning, and that by far favored the Jester King of Beasts. At one point, Guac had him face down on the mat, seemingly unconscious. He aimed at Jester King of Beast's head and prepared to extract revenge for a very old crime. The bullet fired, but the Jester King of Beasts's head phased into the ground as he seemed to melt through it.

Guac barely had time to curse as a bobcat attacked him from behind, pushing him to the ground and pushing the air out of his body. Guac somehow rolled around, and started fighting for his life. After a flurry of gunfire, he finally managed to put the beast to rest. His third and final Happiness exhausted of its ammunition (it was his super secret spare), he turned to look for The Jester King, only to be ambushed by a couple of Knob Goblin Elite soldiers. He fired deadly stench at the two, but the Jester turned the spell around to blast him in the face!

He fell to the ground, able to see, through his blurry vision, the evil eyes of the Jester King of Beasts above a mocking, laughing smile... He tried to blast but the attack was turned aside by the Jester King's own magic. Giggley frowned as she realized the trouble Guac was in.

"We were like, we were like heroes!" Becky Joy said with a squeal as they led dozens (maybe hundreds) of civilians out, guarding them against the fighting. Fortunately, the fighting had turned its attention from the civilians to the guards and forces of the various clans, most notably the Kingdom of KOL. "I tired, I nap now, kay?!"

Todd Blackpaws flashed her a warm, reassuring smile. "Soon, luv. You did an awesome job helping the civilians get to safety, I'm thinking if you can push on a bit more, we might be able to help some of the wounded soldiers and our clannies. Would you like to do that?"

Becky's face lit up like a child. Her (obviously adult) chest was heaving with effort, despite Todd's songs keeping the energy flowing through her. "Our friends is in danger, huh?"

Todd nodded as Becky made a childlike face. "We gotta helps!" She rushed off. Todd glanced, realizing he'd let himself get wrapped up in her looks again, and chased off after her.

The twin Chibi Cherubs, Mikey and Raphey, rushed to keep up with them and observe what was happening! Fortunately for the Guacanator, the first thing they stumbled upon was the Jester King of Beasts. At Todd's whispered request, Becky blasted him with a bitter winter ray from her focusing device, chilling him to the bone. When he turned around, he felt an object driving into his ribs from the side, and looked down to see Guac had slammed a large piece of wood into his side. Thick black blood started to ooze from the wound.

"Well, if that's how you're playing, I'm taking my ball and going home!" the Jester King said, amused by himself. "On second thought, I'll leave the ball!" With a sudden upwards gesture, a large small ball of fire hovered over Guac and immediately began falling. Terrified of the fire, Becky let out a shrill scream. Todd quickly played a song to boost his reflexes and strength, then rushed over with terrible speed, grabbing his Winking Judge clan mate Guac and pulling him out of the way with one hand. He grabbed Becky with his free hand, pulling them away from the small explosion of the fireball, although the heat still slammed into them. Exhausted from the 'illegal' spell manipulation, not to mention the burst of both physical activity and the immense heat, Todd collapsed. Fortunately, Becky caught him and laid him down, and sighed. "Ahhh poor Todd you gotta take a break, and Mr. Magic and me is gonna clean up for ya!"

Todd flashed her a thumbs up, barely able to keep his eyes long enough for that. As he dozed off, he could hear Todd and Guac getting to work on the remaining Knob Goblin minions.

 
Keeny, the keeneyed Chibi Cherub had noticed Shamus had a limp and peered into the recent history to see his fight with Stewart, the Muri-dan. That had left him with a horrible limp. Sure, a mage came along and healed it, but Shamus again injured himself in a fight with a wondering hobo who was feeling bored for being left out of the fight. Then Inu kicked Shamus's leg after she had to save him from a hobo without any fingers. Geez, Shamus! He wondered up to some of his KOKOL allies. Well, as much as Shamus was a part of any clan, it was the Kingdom of KOL.

"Hi, Shamus!" Lapine greeted him warmly.

"Yo," Shamus called back. "Hey, did you wax your ears? They look shiny."

"Um, nope?" She answered with a confused giggle. Vixen walked up and swatted Shamus's head.

"Smooth one," Vixen sarcastically reprimanded Shamus.

"Thanks!" Shamus answered, missing the sarcasm.

"Hey, guys I'm back!" Vixen announced.

"About time!" answered Lapine.

"Hush, you. So what's up, Dash?"

"We had to take a break from fighting," Dash explained. "They seem to be falling back from the square, anyway."

Kadlin squinted her eyes, looking towards the middle of town. "Something's up. I can sense the weave of magic shifting menacingly. It's a bad sign."

Shamus turned to look at her and his eyes bugged out. "Hot moma, who's that?!"

Konall give him a death glare, but as "look at her like that and you die" glares go, it was a friendly one. "My sister."

"Eep," Shamus said, backing up- directly into the just returning Catrina. He turned around, saw her and fell on his butt!

"Don't be making me jealous now," Catrina joked with a flirtatious wink, but it didn't seem to calm him down anyway.

"Yes Ma'am," Shamus mumbled as Inu teased him about being a wimpy coward.

Catrina got back to business, deciding to hold off on her tale of the tail until later. "So how's the fight going?"

"Thanks in part to MTiger's private soldiers," Dash answered, "things are calm enough for us to relax."

"I don't like it," Konall grumbled. "Vikings never rest when there's a battle going on."

"We're unstoppable machines of killing, after all," responded Kadlin. "Except on all you can eat Tuesdays at the Typical Tavern."

"Then we dedicate our bodies to eating and drinking," boasted Konall. He suddenly looked around. "Where'd our new friend go, anyway?"

"Arkane?" Kadlin asked. "He vanished. Male mages have a social obligation to act mysterious and be unpredictable whenever possible."

"I'm back!" Spaz announced. "Just in time for some hijinx. I wonder how high I can jump today? Dad's gone, said he had to get down to South of the Border. Have you ever jumped from one side of the border, to the other? It's fun. You know what else is fun? Let's go play footbaseketball!"

"Shh!" Konall called. "Something big's going down. I hear movement. Let's go!"

"We have a message to bring to you!" Pluffy the slightly overweight Chibi Cherub called out!

"Yes, yes we do!" said her fellow Chibi Cherub Polly the repeating. Keeny and Zippit the quiet Chibi Churub were at her side.

"You must clear out the Market Square of all the Knob Goblins as per orders of Prince Blahking!" said Obso the Observant Chibi Cherub.

"We already knew that," Konall said, annoyed.

"Oh, okay! We're done here then," Pluffy said. The Chibi Cherubs took off into the sky to determine, at a later date, which adventurers they would give rewards to, in the ancient Chibi Cherub tradition as Konall's Great Adventure began!

"Let's pillage the town," said Konall, haxxor raised over his head in cheer.

"You mean defend the town?" said Kadlin.

"Right," Konall said. "Force of habit."

The adventurers rushed to the Market Square, the area overrun by goblins like teenage girls at Edward Cullen's house.

Konall ran in, sword and shield poised for fighting. Catrina ran beside him, pounced a goblin, and tore out his throat with her teeth. As a second soldier tried to pull the cat off his comrade, he felt Vixen's blade slide in between the plates of his armor and into his heart. Dash carved up goblins to the tune of Spaz's song "Slice Me a River (of blood)."

Lapine and Kadlin stood back from the fight, pooling their powers to conjure up a massive spell. Meanwhile, the Kingdom of KoL warriors got into formation and held their place against an onrushing tide of goblin death. The fight raged on for a century, or at least another minute or so, when Lapine and Kadlin stopped chanting and released their spell.

The squared darkened, the only light coming from the red hexagram and gates that opened into Hey Deze. A spectral demon army came forth, some of them the essence of terror and some of them burning with the fires of the underworld. The goblins confronted both terror and flame, and it was ten times worse for those who were afraid of fire. The spell faded and the demons returned to their prison, leaving only a pile of corpses to mark their passing.

The goblins started to draw back when everyone heard a roar from the heavens. A massive dragon swooped down and headed straight for the heroes, scattering them. As it came back for a second pass the adventurers were ready for it. The beast tried to bite and claw its enemies, and the heroes pounded it with arrows, spears, and bad music.

"Everyone okay?" Kadlin asked. The replies came back with no one suffering too terribly. But one person didn't respond.

"Where's Catrina?" shouted Dash. She wasn't anywhere nearby. The adventurers backed up to a fortifiable position, eyes scanning for the scantily clad cat.

The dragon roared loudly, drawing everyone's attention skyward. "There she is," said Spaz. But the dragon's roar wasn't of anger, it was of pain. Catrina was crawling along the bottom of the creature's belly, sticking her katanas in one by one as she moved forward, and digging in with her toe claws as well. As she moved in the shadow of the colossus, she drew more and more blood.

The dragon twisted and turned, but it couldn't dislodge the cat. Catrina dug a katana into an exposed section of the wyrm's hide, and it writhed in pain. After a few moments of aerial acrobatics, the dragon began falling to the ground. It crashed into a building. And then, in a wink it was gone, teleporting who knows where.

Kadlin ran over, expecting to use her powers to heal Catrina, but the warrior had landed on her feet and had only suffered a mild case of messed up hair. "That only counts as one," Konall said.

"Wow," said Dash. "That takes care of the dragon for now. But we've still got a city to save."

EPILOGUE

The heroes pressed onward and the Knob Goblins fell back, but it was a ruse. Hearing the obnoxious siren of a hundred Knob Goblin battlehorns, the King of the Knob Goblins ordered them to go into Operation: Desperation. Within a half hour, the KOKOL forces had been driven out of the center of Seaside Town, where the Knob Goblins had seized control of the Council's Headquarters. Simultaneously, two dozen of the Knob Goblin's finest warriors and hired mercenaries, along with dozens more of their common troops, rolled into Seaside Town in the first wave of the invasion. Meanwhile, the Elite Seven had regrouped enough to launch a successful counterattack on the Kingdom of KOL.

By evening, a deathly silence had fallen over Seaside Town, with most of the Kingdom of Loathing's allies forced outside of the city, and those still in the city facing overwhelming odds. Most of the Council of Loathing had been successfully seized and taken to the Knob Goblin controlled center of town to be held prisoner in their own headquarters.

MTiger, grievously wounded in the battle, stumbled past the gates into the waiting arms of his forces, turned to defiantly glance at Seaside Town one final time, and collapsed, unconscious.

The next mission sets the town - and the boards- on fire. It might rank as our most successful AIL mission to date!
(edit: I just noticed I had the middle part twice in a row. I replaced the second with the actual Epilogue.