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A six pack of trouble (troobel?)
Mission:  Rats, Bats and other types of Vermin
subtitle: (Edited by Bina and J)

Posted by Sassy Snake
Original co-write

Let's slither back to Sassy Snake for the next part of her story!


 
The beauty of the plains is breathtaking. The sun is beating down on us as we start off in the direction toward the bat hole. We are talking and joking with one another and getting to know our two newest and shortest members, Mole and Gem.

"So, like I was sayin' this guy comes up to me," Mole says, "and you won't believe this but he says to me, he says . . ."

"What? What does he say?" asks Icy. Mole doesn't respond because he has stopped walking. He turns to us and says, "Feel that?"

"Feel what?" asks Bristle. "What are we supposed to feel?"

"Yes," I say, "I feel it. I hear it too. What is it?"

Gem nods, indicating that she has felt it too.

Linger looks at all of us in concern. "What you feel Sassy? What you hears?"

"It's a low rumble but it is getting closer and stronger. Like a lot of marching feet. But I don't know what it is."

"I do," says Mole, "and if it is what I thinks it is, we is in troobel."

Mole's eyes look all around. "This is a bad place. Not much cover and should they come on us suddenly, we wouldn't have a chance."

"How come we can't hear it or feel it?" asks Icy.

"It's because we are barefoot," explains Mole. "Sassy and me and Gem felt it before you did. As far as the sound goes, let's all be quiet for a moment and listen."

We settle back and listen and sure enough we can all hear it now; the sound of marching feet coming closer and getting stronger. I climb a nearby hill and have a good view. I descend the rocks and report.

"Rats. There are thousands of them marching in our direction. I wonder if they are retreating from someone else or attacking us."

"Even I know the answer to that one, Sassy," says Gem. "They are attacking. They are advancing on us."

"How do you know this, Gem?" asks Icy.

"Simple. Because these rats don't retreat. They keep attacking until they have overrun your position and you are either dead or their prisoners. I have heard a lot about them."

"You have heard more about them than I have then," says Mole, "but it might be a good idea to find a place of cover to hide or a place to fight them off."

We quickly leave our path and head into rocky country. Late in the afternoon, we find a large circle of stones near a brook. We figure it might make for a good place to either hole up or fight them off.

"You know we really don't stand a chance, right?" says Gem.

"Little Miss Sunshine," says Bristle. "She hasn't seen what we can do and she already knows that we can't defeat them."

"Against that horde of rats?" Gem shudders. "What do you think we could do? How do you plan to stop them?"

"Well," Bristle says, thinking out loud. "First we could hide here. By leaving the path, we might have fooled them. They might not be able to follow us here. Don't forget we have covered a bit of rough terrain."

"They track by scent." Mole says. "They won't be fooled by that trick. All we can do is wait here and get ready to fight them."

"Linger squash em good. Splat! Me show dem rats how trolls fight."

"Easy, big guy," I say. "We will wait for them and make them make the first move. In the meantime, I think we had best rest and get ready for them. I'll fix some supper and the rest of you rest up."

After we have dined, we discuss who should guard the camp while the others sleep.

"We should divide into shifts. That's probably best. Icy, take the first watch, then Bristle, then Linger and finally me. Sound good everyone?"

"No," says Mole. "Doesn't sound so good to me."

I look at him. "Why? What's wrong with it?"

"Well," says Mole, "for starters, you count four for four shifts. I count six. Gem and I want to be part of this. That's why we are here and not safe in some town or other. Just count us in."

"He's right, you know. If you are going to gamble with our lives, the least you could do is include us in the watches as well," says Gem.

"They have a good point, Sass. They might make real good watchers. They were the first to alert us to our friends out there."

"Frens, what frens? We have frens out dere?" asks Linger.

"No," says Icy. "He meant it in a joking way, Linger."

"Oh. Linger not always understan's jokes. Dey confusiate me."

"Don't worry Linger," I say and pat his shoulder. "Okay, guys. Since Mole and Gem are in, let me rethink the watches."

"No need to do that, Sassy," says Icy. "I and Gem can have the first watch."

"And Mole and I can have second watch," says Bristle.

"Ah," says Mole. "No offense; I would rather take the third watch with Linger there. That big guy makes for a good backup in case of trouble."

"No offense taken," says Bristle. "I'll take second watch. Mole and Linger take third and Sassy can finish off with the fourth."

We all agree and settle back to rest. Some time in the night while I am sleeping, I feel something moving near me and reach for it. I feel a snake gently glide up to me. "Art thou awake then, Sister Sassy?"

"Serpentina," I whisper so as not to disturb the others. "You almost frightened me to death. What are you doing here?"

"Coming to warn thee. Dost thee know of a large group of rats coming thy way?"

"Yes," I say. "We were hoping they might not attack us."

"I came to help thee shouldest they do that. I hath also brought another friend." I look and behind me I see a rattlesnake glide into the moonlight. "Hello, Sassy."

"Rascal, the rattler, what are you doing here?"

"There are many of us here. Serpentina has brought us to help you. I left my family to guard the mountains and said I would come to help you."

"I am happy to see you both." I hug them both and then snuggle down to sleep, an arm around each snake.

"Fearest thou not, little sister. There are others out there tonight. Thee are not alone." That is the last thing I hear before I drop off to sleep.

 
Brief Interlude: While Sassy sleeps...

 
Out in the dark night, Linger and Mole are standing watch over our camp. It is a cool night and each is probably wishing his shift were over and he could return to the warmth of the fire. Suddenly Mole spots some movement in the near distance. He taps Linger gently at his knee.

"Linger," he whispers, "I see something out there moving around."

"Where? Where yu see it?"

"Behind those bushes, I think. It was quick and I am not sure of it."

"We should wake Sassy. She should know. Me keep watch and yu go git her."

Mole nods and starts back toward camp. He approaches the place where Sassy lay asleep. "Sassy," he says.

As soon as he says this, three heads pop up in front of Mole - Sassy's and two snake's heads. Mole shudders and is on the verge of a scream.

 
Back to Sassy (she's awake now)

 
I wake up suddenly to the sound of Mole's voice. Mole shudders and is about to scream when three heads come up in front of her (mine and those of the two snakes).

But I gently and quietly explain, "These are my friends; Serpentina and Rascal the rattler. They have agreed to help us. What is wrong?"

"You sleep with snakes and you ask what's wrong?"

"Did you see something in the dark, Mole?"

"Yes," says Mole, "that is, I thought I did but it vanished pretty quickly."

I scramble to my feet, collecting my weapons and follow him; the snakes follow me. We find Linger keeping watch, but not liking it much in the dark.

"Me see it too, Mole. Over by dem bushes." He points to where he saw it.

I look and notice some movements out there too. "Mole," I say, "go wake the others and tell them to stay alert. We might have visitors."

"I only hope the others aren't sleeping with snakes, too," he says as he rushes back to camp. I heft my crossbow and gauge the distance to the bushes. "I could probably make that shot if the wind doesn't change."

"We fight, then?" says Linger. "Me squash em."

"Not quite yet. We'll wait a bit. Linger, head back to camp and join the others. I'll follow you."

Linger looks puzzled and a bit worried. "Yu not going to do anything foolish, are yu?"

"No," I say, "just head back and I'll be behind you." Linger starts off back to the camp and on the way he meets Mole returning from camp.

"Where you going to, Linger?" says Mole.

"Sassy say go to camp, so I goes to camp. See yuh dere."

Mole continues till he meets me. "Everyone is up and alert, Sassy. So, what now?"

"Well," I say, "we . . ."

We both see it at the same time. A large rat has popped up about a couple of feet away and is holding a white flag. Mole does a doubletake. "Is he surrendering?"

"I don't think so," I say. "More likely he is coming in under a flag of truce to talk to us before they decide to attack us. It's an old trick to gauge how strong we are."

"We could kill him from here," says Mole.

"We could, but let's not. Run back to camp and tell Bristle and Icy to hide in the underbrush near camp and not come out until I give the word."

"Why do that? We can meet them head-on and take them. They don't know we have a six-pack of troobel here waitin for them. Let's show them what we have."

"Um, I think not. Let's try it this way first. Tell Icy and Bris to stay hidden in the brush until I give the word."

"And what is the word?" asks Mole in a weary voice. It is clearly evident he would rather fight than talk with these rats.

"The word is dragon. Now, please go and do as I say. I don't want this rat to come and see how few we are. He is almost here! Go!"

Mole scuttles away at a run and I stand alone to welcome our company. He looks like a rather tall dignified rat. Not sure if he is a human who is a rat, or a rat who is human. Either way, he keeps coming waving that white flag. As far as I can see, there doesn't seem to be any other rats around.

But you can never really trust rats, can you?

 


To be honest, after all the fuss Gem and Mole make about being counted in the shifts, it was a bit strange when they just get counted into other people's shifts anyway. And I'm not sure why Rascal comes down to join after his comments when he first met Sassy.. I guess snakes just love her? hehe..

The whole piece has a wonderful sense of dread and urgency although the voter felt the interlude was unnecessary. (I probably should have just edited it out.) The very next roleplay explains nicely though, why the rats seem so obsessed with following our pack of six heroes over such a great distance, and things start to get really interesting there. For his part, the voter likes the snake cameos, thinks Mole is a great addition, and still adores Linger.

 
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 Kingdom of Loathing (KOL) is an original parody RPG online game that apparently has something to do with Asymmetric Publications, LLC, and something called a Jick, who's copyrighted and trademarked the. THIS (Adventures in Loathing) is the archive for an interactive writing game based on KOL, and a specific clan within- the Kingdom of KOL. Specific characters belong to their specific owners, specifically, unless specifically stated otherwise. This game was developed by Joshua A. Dexter, with rules based in part on (with permission) Mercenary and Equinox. This is a non profit game done for entertainment purposes only. If a rash develops on your imagination, desist use immediately and consult a physician, psychologist, or 1-900 psychic for further assistance. KOL forums, store,  the KOL TVTrope,   entry at AnswersKOL's entry at Archive.org, and it's entry at Wikipedia, and KOL's own wiki. - JAD

In other words, I don't own KOL, or KOKOL, and KOKOL doesn't own KOL.

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