This is only our second piece with Dash and Jen- it's also got Aleena and Mary Kate in it, as we round our way towards the last few roleplays of the mission.

 
It was a dark and stormy renaissance fair with a dash of Mexican flavoured cheese. Or in the Loathing world, would that be "a dash of south of the border curry?" We don't know. We may never know.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but mostly the latter.

As they approached the city, Dash adjusted his fedora. "So that's your mission briefing."

"You know plans never survive contact with the enemy," Jen said. Aleena squeezed Dash's hand as she walked, with Dash on her left and Jen on her right.

Dash nodded. "To be honest, it's nice to get back in the field. This should be a nice, easy mission." Dash paused to twitch his nose like he smelled something unpleasant. "We don't know much about Father Crimbo or his brother. Nothing really reliable, anyway. I did bring my official Loathing mannerisms guide to dealing with less advanced cultures, though."

"So this is the holiday special episode?" Jen asked.

Aleena smiled. "Yup." She paused a moment, taking in Jen's unspoken hate. "This place grows on you."

"As you say, my Queen," Jen replied.

Dash looked over, confused. "The main rule, the so called 'primal declaration,' in good manners mostly focuses around not sharing advanced Kingdom technology with primitive cultures, though. Basically, any culture who hasn't mastered creating meat cars which can participate in NOTSCAR races."

"I forgot the Kingdom liked its meat. Just be glad you met us and not the Society for the Eradication of Meat Eating Nitwits," Jen smirked.

Dash shrugged. "Eating meat is kind of wasteful spending, anyway."

"Isn't that something a supporter of the Conservative Reform Alliance Party would say?" Aleena asked.

Dash blinked. "Maybe? I'm more of an 'Adventurer's party party' guy myself."

"Eugh," Aleena interrupted. "Jester King is trying for another tilt at us."

Dash pulled his sword free, taking it seriously even though it sounded like a joke. "What do you mean, Aleena?"

"I can smell his stink."

"In that case. . . " Dash started. Whatever else he was about to say was lost when a figure emerged, like a shadow, out of the ground and shot for them like a missile.

Aleena and Jen both dodged out of the way with Aleena rising with her bow and anti-magic arrow in hand.

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Mary suddenly felt herself transported away and when she landed she was in a very strange place. She looked around for Wildfall or Koumori but they were nowhere in sight. Panic began to set in and she had no idea what to do. "I better figure out where I'm at and fast. No telling what's around here that is dangerous." Mary's thoughts were scattered as she tried to find her bearings. Seeing what looked like a town in the distance, she started toward it. Sitting in among many sand dunes, the town was almost invisible. It was very small with only a small bar/eatery and five buildings counting the bar. Looked like the only occupants were the bar owner, the tarantulas and scorpions and lots of sand. The place looked totally deserted otherwise. Looking to her left she saw some lumps that looked out of place, like maybe some kind of tents. She thought to herself, "Is that where everyone went?"

Mary started walking toward the town when she saw what appeared to be some kind of battle, Not being one to pass up a good fight, she headed right toward it, hoping to get in a lick or two on whatever it is and see if she can help the participants at the same time. As she approached the battle, she saw three individuals against a monster that looked like a dead jester dressed in moldy, smelly clothes that hung from his skinny frame. He moved like a phantom, almost like the air. Now you saw it or felt it, and then you didn't. She stood back to watch and study the situation before breaking in and upsetting anyone. She often went off half- cocked and was remembering the things that Wildfall had told her about observing and assessing the situation. Mary saw a very dashing looking man with a broadsword, wearing a red and blue shirt and moving with the swashbuckling moves she had heard about from sailors. He and the two women seemed to move in unison as though they could read each other's minds.

"That's right!" The floating aberration of nature and fashion boasted loudly. "I was anticipating you would be here! I know you three would be drawn in by the Crimbo sob story! At the risk of repeating myself a tenth time."

"You know what would make a good villain?" Aleena asked, rhetorically. She knocked an arrow in her bow, though more for show than any real expected effect. "One who learned from his mistakes."

Ignoring her, Jester continued, pointing towards a nearby rock. "And then I ambushed you, right over there. Haahahaha!"

Mary could hear talking but wasn't close enough to really hear so she crept in closer. She wanted to hear what was being said as well as getting a better view of the battle.

"The odds do not favour you today, Jester Paint Supply," Jen taunted.

"Ohh, but I can't hear you," Jester King said, floating backwards over an empty stretch of desert. "Why don't you come a little closer, into my circle of horrors, and meet my friends here?"

He gestured around like there were others- but there weren't.

The male glanced around, then held his sword in front of him. "Looks like your party left you, Jester King."

The Jester King shrugs. "Always so serious. Well, believe me, if I would have ambushed you a mile down the road like I originally planned, you would have seen all of them, fools! It would have been completely amazing!"

Aleena and Jen just shook their heads. Aleena took aim and loosed her arrow - and after it passed through him, the Jester King of Beasts was suddenly very much solid. "Get him! He's vulnerable," Aleena cried out.

Mary watched as the phantom floated closer to her, only to suddenly drop out of the air, landing awkwardly on his feet. Stunned, he didn't appear to notice that she was there. This was her chance to get into the fight; as he stumbled closer, Mary pulled back and delivered a roundhouse punch right to the phantom's jaw which caused him to stagger. Remembering the fight with Boss Rat at the forcefield, Mary exploded on the phantom and started pounding the tar out of it, wanting to do as much damage to him as she could. She could still feel the grimy hands on her and she wanted pay back.

As Jen and Dash sprinted to the Jester King, the elf Queen readied another anti-magic arrow. Jester King, stunned, rolled out of the way and phased into the distance, desperate to escape.

Dash watched for a counter attack even as he turned his attention to the young adventurer. "Good job out there. Thanks for the assist, kid."

Mary glowered at the male and said, "First of all, I'm not a KID and resent being called one. I can take you on anytime you want, buster, just keep calling me a kid. Secondly, you are welcome. Felt good to beat on something for a change."

Aleena approached the aggressive young woman and presented her party. "Dash," she gestured. Dressed in conventional travelling outfit, he eschewed padding or other protection in favour of his Cloaca Cola tee shirt and fitted pants. Brown haired and blue-eyed, he liked to fit the stereotype of dashing adventurer.

"Jen." She gestured to her red-haired companion. The elf was dressed like her, wearing a form-fitting outfit that looked like it could have been made of silk, with what looked like brass accoutrements and a grey overcoat. She looked well suited to hand-to-hand combat.

"And I am Aleena, Queen of the Morlencir Empire." The blonde elf wore her long hair in a ponytail. Her form-fitting outfit did little to hide her curves. She held a bow and quiver of arrows that glowed softly. The gold plates on her suit looked more decorative than functional, though in truth, their suits were marvels of advanced alien technology.

Mary's mouth dropped open as she bowed deeply and said, "Pleased to meet you, Your Royal Highness! You are all the big heroes I keep hearing about. I apologize for interfering and for blowing up at your mate here but I resent being called a KID. Obviously you all can take care of yourselves and so I will take my leave and let you get on with your day. I was only here because I got dumped here and want to find a way back to my own world. It appears you and your man have more important things to do than to be interrupted by a kid as he calls me. Just point me to the nearest exit and I'll get out of here."

Dash stood, ready for another ambush, as he watched the ground around them.

"Young miss, would you tell us your name? Where are you from?" Aleena asked.

"My name is Mary Katherine O'Toole, Your Royal Highness, and I'm from Irecaca, but my family and I have a home in Seaside Town," Mary answered.

"Then I've got good news and bad news for you, Miss Mary Katherine O'Toole. Seaside Town is to the north, but you don't look equipped for a desert journey. Therefore I invite you to accompany us to Las MexiCaliVada."

"Is that the town I saw in the distance? That is where I was headed when I saw your fight and decided to stick my nose in where it didn't belong. I thought you all needed help but I was wrong." Mary turned to leave and head for the town she has originally seen. She stopped, turned around and looked at the group. She decided she would tag along. "I'll tag along at a distance to give you and your man your privacy. I notice the looks between you two and don't want to keep lovers apart," Mary replied as she went to the back of the group.

That finally got Dash's attention; he simply turned towards Aleena, giving a confused shrug. "Alright, whatever. I think Jester King's gone for a while, at least."

"The effect duration isn't close to where I want it to be." Aleena examined one of her arrows and pulled the tip off before stashing the shaft back in her quiver.

"What is an effect duration?" Mary asked, feeling very uncomfortable around this group with their strange suits. She really didn't belong here and wished Wildfall would zap her back to where she started. Would she ever see him or her friend Koumori?

"Jester King is tough because of his ability to turn ethereal at will, which makes him completely unassailable. We've been working on an 'anti-magic' device to nullify his power, but its effect doesn't last long enough." Aleena squeezed the arrow tip in her fist as she set her cysuit the task of reconfiguring it.

Mary backed away at the word 'magic' device. Flashes of the forcefield and and hearing all that evil wizard did made the hair stand up on the back of her neck. What had she stumbled into? The feeling of fear grew stronger than ever. She had to stay on alert till she could get to safety.

Dash noticed her concern but misunderstood it. "Don't worry, ma'am. We've dealt with the Jester King plenty of times. If he shows up again, we'll be ready for him."

"I'm not at all worried about that big bully, I'm not comfortable around magic after all that has happened and you are total strangers. How do I know you and your magic don't mean me harm?" Mary replied calmly even tho she was trembling down to her boots.

Dash smiled, trying to look friendly. "We mean you no harm, ma'am. Don't worry."

"We don't have any magic," Jen added.

"It is the problem we wish to address. You don't like magic, and neither do we," Aleena said. "Now, if we intended you harm, you would not still be standing. I invite you again to accompany us to town, for we are heading that way."

Mary felt like a little girl again, who had been reprimanded by her parents and lowered her head saying, "I'm sorry; I won't overstep my position again, Your Royal Highness, and thank you for allowing me to go with you. I'll not be anymore trouble and will speak when spoken to. Just like I was taught. My mouth gets me into a lot of trouble."

"Fair enough. Let's walk, and you might tell us of some of your adventures," Aleena said.

"No flight?" Jen asked.

"That might be a bridge too far, with the level of trust we have with Miss Mary Katherine O'Toole," Aleena replied. "We can walk."

"Walkin's good for you, anyway," Dash pointed out. "Gives you a workout."

Mary started to talk and chose her words carefully, "I haven't done anything worth talking about, You Highness. I only follow Wildfall around and do my best to try to stay out of trouble. You're the heroes with all the great adventures. I'm only a lowly peasant trying to find her way in the big world."

"Oh, I don't know about that, Miss Mary Katherine O'Toole," Aleena replied, sounding a little wistful. "I've been around two hundred years and I can't honestly say I've ever run into anyone who hasn't done at least a few things worth talking about."

"Besides," Dash said as the group started walking towards town. "We've got a long walk. I'm sure there's enough time for all of us to get our stories in."

"There's not much to tell, Sir Dash," said Mary. "I can share a funny one tho. I'd just arrived in Seaside Town and was out on the outskirts of town when I was attacked by some imps. I was fighting away and who should be watching me but Wildfall. We'd grown up together in Ireca. I was so surprised to see him. Hehe I used to follow him around and he always looked at me as a KID. Never thought I'd ever see him again. He was so sweet to escort me back home to make sure I didn't find anymore trouble. We walked back to my home and he met my dad. My parents had helped Wildfall after he lost his parents and dad was so shocked to see how much he had grown. When my dad found out Wildfall needed a place to stay, we asked him to stay at our home and since dad had to go away on military assignment, he asked Wildfall to sort of look after me and keep me out of trouble. Hehe. That is how I started tagging along on the adventures with Wildfall. Seemed better than sitting around at home. Besides occasionally I get to beat up people. I have saved Wildfall's butt more than once and he has saved mine a whole bunch too."

Aleena nodded. "That's a good story, and the kind we'd like to add to our library."

Mary looked at Aleena and asked, "What library?"

"It's the ongoing record of our empire and any information we acquire. It covers thousands of years, hundreds of civilizations, and trillions of sentients. Almost everything I see, everything I experience, is recorded."

"Oh okay that sounds really good."

Aleena laughed. "Some people get a little freaked out to hear that."

"Maybe they get freaked out because they can't read." Mary responded with a shrug of her shoulders and continued, "Not everyone likes to read like I do."

The group walked and talked on their way to town for awhile. As they approached the town, Aleena informed Dash that she had to go meet with someone and asked if he'd be okay with Mary for awhile. Dash nodded his assent and continued down the street where the pair found an arm wrestling contest, with a few people idly watching it. Of course, they were all in festive Crimbo red and white.

Past that were a few random store vendors selling different novelties, along with a couple of Crimbo elves in Renaissance outfits. There were lots of drinking and eating contests along with half naked women dancing around the streets and tents.

"I've seen enough of this and am going to find my own way out of this 'town'. You go watch the eating and drinking and half naked women cavorting around. That's what you men like to see anyway."

Dash shrugged. "Some men, I guess. I'm here to focus on the mission, though. Are you sure you're going to be okay on your own?"

"I've been on my own alot lately and have done just fine, But then I am just a KID so what do I know."

"Okay, I apologized." Dash sighed, glancing around. The girl was right, there were an awful lot of underdressed women for a Crimbo themed show, desert or not. "It's just a thing when I was growing up. The vets always called the younger ones 'kids' or 'punks.' At least the ones they liked. Sorry. Guess it's a generational thing."

"Right and you are so very old and wise."

"I don't need the sarcasm," Dash answered through gritted teeth. Something about this one was clearly grinding on his nerve. "Now listen. ."

"Fine, you don't want sarcasm, I'll make sure you don't get anymore. First Wildfall calls me a kid and treats me like one and now you call me that and stand there with your eyes bulging out of your damn head because you can't get enough of the bouncing boobs and swinging asses. Well you go enjoy it. I'm leaving and hope you and your women have a great time cavorting. By the way your apology is accepted, Sire." With that Mary turned and stomped off.

"Maybe if you'd stop throwing tantrums," Dash shouted after her, almost in a growl, "you won't be treated like a kid if you stopped acting like one."

"You want to see a tantrum? How's this for a starter?" Mary slapped Dash as hard as she could. "Is that tantrum enough for you Sir Dash? If you two want to….. ."

"Enough! No!" Dash reprimanded her, clearly upset now. "Enough! You've said your piece, now you're going to listen to me, missy!"

She raised her hand to slap him again but Dash grabbed it, raising his voice. "Enough of that, too! We're not here to for fun and games, we're here because we have a job to do. I understand you're upset over the 'kid' comment. Fine. You've got every right to be. But I've been civil for the entire time since, and you throw it back in my face. You don't have to like us, but would it kill you to show a little respect? We're on the same side here, Miss O'Toole."

Mary stopped, glared at Dash and said, "I'm not stopping you and your friends from doing a damn thing. You have a job to do and I'm trying to find a way out of this godforsaken place. I didn't ask to come here. So you go do your job and leave me alone to find my way home. Is that respectful enough for you? I'm going to find my friends and get the hell out of here."

Dash held her arm a moment before finally letting go. She glared at him and stormed off.

As she rounded the corner, Dash sighed and called after her, "Let me give you one piece of advice then."

"No," she responded. And with that, she vanished around the corner.

With Mary entering and helping the fight, Dash's discussion with the space elves, the travel to town and the Dash/ Mary Kate confrontation, this one was kind of a bunch of smaller stories making one bigger overall story - although the story of how Dash and Jen got here from their last piece seems to be missing. (We might find out why later in this story, hint hint.)

No rewards for this one but it is cool seeing Jester King in action. (On a sadder note, this is the first file I've finished adding descriptions to since my mom passed, which I'll talk more about elsewhere, probably the index page.) Between the battle, the humor (I liked Aleena's fun with acronyms) and the tensions between Dash and Mary Kate, I feel like this one hit the rate triple note of having good action, humor and drama in a single piece - a kind of triple threat if you will.

Speaking of three- only three pieces left and then we get into the Finale!